DMSI 3.1 - The Journal

[Shawn]

Did one loop TS yesterday and the day before. Until now it looks like 2 loops are best at this point, but saying this I got the impression that 1 loop produce more outer results and 2 loops more inner results. With 3 loops I started overloading 2 of 3 times, even with the gap between so for now I stick with 2 loops. Also interesting that I don't seem to have that much resistance towards hybrid as I used to have. Maybe the healing did enough to let it work to some degree. Anyway, today 2 loops (hybrid/ts).

Few things worth to mention:
- Two day ago I was waiting at the traffic lights and noticed a woman completely in black to my right. Almost the moment I looked at her I had a perfect idea how to approach her. But the moment I wanted to talk to her a guy with a jackhammer started working... Needless to say it was too loud to say anything. Few moments later the lights went green and she walked away pretty fast, seemed to be in hurry. However, the good thing is I had an idea how to approach her - what rarely happens - so I hope there will be more of these moments. Usually I don't have anything in mind with exception of "hi".

- Had also a seat with good look on panties in train

- Yesterday I met a girl who I learned in the last two weeks of SM. The next time we had more contact was at begin of DMSI V2.2. However, we chatted a bit and then we both had to go. But surprisingly while having a meal I saw her coming in and she came to my table and asked if she can join me and I said yes. We chatted again about different things and every time she or me came up with some events she was like let's go together there. She asked me also several things which I see as shit test but probably I didn't even recognized all of them. But I think I passed at least some with some sarcastic answers.

- Later at a party I met another girl I learned when using DMSI V2.1 where there seemed to be a lot of attraction but this disappeared on V2.2. Yesterday I saw her again, and saying this I never seen her that sexy as yesterday so she may even qualify for the LDS. Lot of IOI's have been there and also tons of attraction, I felt like glowing. We have been talking later about different things and at some point she mentioned her bf and that she isn't looking for something new and she will move back to her bf after studies are finished. I just told "that's fine" or something along the lines. Don't know what else I should had answered.

- There seem to be something odd regarding attraction. For example I have online matches who never respond, yesterday the girl I met while eating said she will also join the party (yesterday night) but after the meal at the point where we said bye I said "see you at the party" and she was all like "oh, no, I don't think I will be there". Later with the other girl at the party it was similar. There seemed to be a lot of attraction but then it was like it isn't really there anymore - at least for some time.

- Got an invitation to another party on the weekend from another girl at the party yesterday who also gave me few IOI's.

- Felt today celebrity-like as most people I encountered said hello and many women smiled. Right now I feel like sex could happen soon, but maybe it is the high from the good experiences lately

[Shannon]

- Later at a party I met another girl I learned when using DMSI V2.1 where there seemed to be a lot of attraction but this disappeared on V2.2. Yesterday I saw her again, and saying this I never seen her that sexy as yesterday so she may even qualify for the LDS. Lot of IOI's have been there and also tons of attraction, I felt like glowing. We have been talking later about different things and at some point she mentioned her bf and that she isn't looking for something new and she will move back to her bf after studies are finished. I just told "that's fine" or something along the lines. Don't know what else I should had answered.

Women will often try to prevent anything from happening when they are more interested than they want to be by either inventing or talking about a boyfriend, fiance or husband. It's her way of trying to put up a wall to prevent herself from acting on her desires, and a sneaky way of saying, "If you're a GOOD man, you'll help me not fuck you." She's also shit testing you to see if you are a guy who really wants what she has to offer, or will allow yourself to be deterred. She's trying to get you to initiate and have no responsibility for what happens.

[Shawn]

- Later at a party I met another girl I learned when using DMSI V2.1 where there seemed to be a lot of attraction but this disappeared on V2.2. Yesterday I saw her again, and saying this I never seen her that sexy as yesterday so she may even qualify for the LDS. Lot of IOI's have been there and also tons of attraction, I felt like glowing. We have been talking later about different things and at some point she mentioned her bf and that she isn't looking for something new and she will move back to her bf after studies are finished. I just told "that's fine" or something along the lines. Don't know what else I should had answered.

Women will often try to prevent anything from happening when they are more interested than they want to be by either inventing or talking about a boyfriend, fiance or husband. It's her way of trying to put up a wall to prevent herself from acting on her desires, and a sneaky way of saying, "If you're a GOOD man, you'll help me not **** you." She's also shit testing you to see if you are a guy who really wants what she has to offer, or will allow yourself to be deterred. She's trying to get you to initiate and have no responsibility for what happens.

Hm, I guess there is where my inexperience comes in play. I have been thinking yesterday how can I move things forward but there were many people she knows so if I had tried something physically and she would accept it, it would make her look like a sl*t in the eyes of the other people regarding the fact that she has a bf (and for now I assume there is one). So she wouldn't had been able to respond to this positively and so this seemed to be mission impossible.

[SargeMaximus]

- Later at a party I met another girl I learned when using DMSI V2.1 where there seemed to be a lot of attraction but this disappeared on V2.2. Yesterday I saw her again, and saying this I never seen her that sexy as yesterday so she may even qualify for the LDS. Lot of IOI's have been there and also tons of attraction, I felt like glowing. We have been talking later about different things and at some point she mentioned her bf and that she isn't looking for something new and she will move back to her bf after studies are finished. I just told "that's fine" or something along the lines. Don't know what else I should had answered.

Women will often try to prevent anything from happening when they are more interested than they want to be by either inventing or talking about a boyfriend, fiance or husband. It's her way of trying to put up a wall to prevent herself from acting on her desires, and a sneaky way of saying, "If you're a GOOD man, you'll help me not **** you." She's also shit testing you to see if you are a guy who really wants what she has to offer, or will allow yourself to be deterred. She's trying to get you to initiate and have no responsibility for what happens.

Hm, I guess there is where my inexperience comes in play. I have been thinking yesterday how can I move things forward but there were many people she knows so if I had tried something physically and she would accept it, it would make her look like a sl*t in the eyes of the other people regarding the fact that she has a bf (and for now I assume there is one). So she wouldn't had been able to respond to this positively and so this seemed to be mission impossible.

Would you be telling all those people about the affair? Would she?

[Shawn]

- Later at a party I met another girl I learned when using DMSI V2.1 where there seemed to be a lot of attraction but this disappeared on V2.2. Yesterday I saw her again, and saying this I never seen her that sexy as yesterday so she may even qualify for the LDS. Lot of IOI's have been there and also tons of attraction, I felt like glowing. We have been talking later about different things and at some point she mentioned her bf and that she isn't looking for something new and she will move back to her bf after studies are finished. I just told "that's fine" or something along the lines. Don't know what else I should had answered.

Women will often try to prevent anything from happening when they are more interested than they want to be by either inventing or talking about a boyfriend, fiance or husband. It's her way of trying to put up a wall to prevent herself from acting on her desires, and a sneaky way of saying, "If you're a GOOD man, you'll help me not **** you." She's also shit testing you to see if you are a guy who really wants what she has to offer, or will allow yourself to be deterred. She's trying to get you to initiate and have no responsibility for what happens.

Hm, I guess there is where my inexperience comes in play. I have been thinking yesterday how can I move things forward but there were many people she knows so if I had tried something physically and she would accept it, it would make her look like a sl*t in the eyes of the other people regarding the fact that she has a bf (and for now I assume there is one). So she wouldn't had been able to respond to this positively and so this seemed to be mission impossible.

Would you be telling all those people about the affair? Would she?

That's not what I was talking about. I mean everybody would see if I would have started touching her and make out at that party. If I could managed to do it discreet and then continue at my place this would be a whole different game.

[SargeMaximus]

- Later at a party I met another girl I learned when using DMSI V2.1 where there seemed to be a lot of attraction but this disappeared on V2.2. Yesterday I saw her again, and saying this I never seen her that sexy as yesterday so she may even qualify for the LDS. Lot of IOI's have been there and also tons of attraction, I felt like glowing. We have been talking later about different things and at some point she mentioned her bf and that she isn't looking for something new and she will move back to her bf after studies are finished. I just told "that's fine" or something along the lines. Don't know what else I should had answered.

Women will often try to prevent anything from happening when they are more interested than they want to be by either inventing or talking about a boyfriend, fiance or husband. It's her way of trying to put up a wall to prevent herself from acting on her desires, and a sneaky way of saying, "If you're a GOOD man, you'll help me not **** you." She's also shit testing you to see if you are a guy who really wants what she has to offer, or will allow yourself to be deterred. She's trying to get you to initiate and have no responsibility for what happens.

Hm, I guess there is where my inexperience comes in play. I have been thinking yesterday how can I move things forward but there were many people she knows so if I had tried something physically and she would accept it, it would make her look like a sl*t in the eyes of the other people regarding the fact that she has a bf (and for now I assume there is one). So she wouldn't had been able to respond to this positively and so this seemed to be mission impossible.

Would you be telling all those people about the affair? Would she?

That's not what I was talking about. I mean everybody would see if I would have started touching her and make out at that party. If I could managed to do it discreet and then continue at my place this would be a whole different game.

Oh I see, my bad. Didn't connect the dots. I think you made the right move. It's not worth the hassle imo. Getting her alone is a different story tho.

[Shawn]

Today I have been doing two loops hybrid for the first time with 3.1. Will see tomorrow how it is affecting me. Other than that I have texted my "emergency number" girl. Had already done last week but didn't get a response. So, today, first I got some kind of bitchy response after texting her but then more "normal" responses. However, she is clearly flaking. She said she has no time while at the same time saying she didn't mean to do something with me alone, just with other people. I am really not in mood to try hard, I will text her here and there and see how the responses are but I guess there won't happen anything.

Other than that, after doing 2 loops yesterday (hybrid/ts) focus seems to be more on the inner side again.

[Shawn]

Have done 2 loops yesterday, both hybrid. The hybrid/masked combination seems definitely better for me. I don't know if it is possible, but sometimes I think that the US part (or US tracks) cause some sort of brainwave shifting by itself and make the subs less effective as far the effect start to become noticeable. Not saying it is this way but it's how it looks like to me. However, may also be good old resistance.

Later while reading the forum I discovered the discussion between Sarge and Chaos. And after reading Sarge's post about how much the improvement feels like obligation it really hit me because there is one thing that feels like obligation to me - and this is socializing. I have no problems with hygiene, workout for myself, earn money, etc. These are things I do for me in first term. But improving socializing and communication feels really like a obligation because I know I have to do it to be able to have (successful) dates which lead to sex at the end. But this seems to be my only motivation even if I know that it would also help me in all other parts of my life but I don't feel like I really want to improve here. In fact the opposite is the case, I am more like "Just leave me alone with all the socializing...". I wonder if this is another important reason why I don't approach.

Other than that, today my "gut" told me to do B for two loops (hybrid/ts). Well, and so I did. Felt really good while listening and this lasted most of the day. At the end of the first loop I started to have daydreams which included the sexy girl from the party. We were all making out and stuff. This lasted almost until the end of the second loop.

Interesting thing, today in the train there was a girl I already saw at the train station where she looked at me several times. I took place at her left as most seats were taken anyway. During the ride our arms started touching more and more. Usually girls in the train or bus immediately separate. But not this time. She seem comfortable and already before this started I felt the aura kicking in. But it was more a lovely vibe than sexually, like 80% unconditional love, 20% sex. On that ride I also got IOI's from two clearly underage girls, lol. On the ride back something similar happened with the girls sitting to my left. At some point our arms started touching, later more and more often and at the end all the time. She was also very comfortable. As she left the train I wished her a nice day. She smiled and did the same.

After back in my town I had to grab something from the supermarket. As I was standing and waiting at the checkout an older guy (maybe late 40's, early 50's) stood behind me with his shopping trolley. As he heard that another checkout opens he was like "let me through here!" and before I even managed to go aside he took his trolley and while trying to pass rammed it in my foot without apologizing or anything. I was just "WTF!? What's wrong with this guy?". And as standing at the other checkout he started starring at me and I gave him an aggressive look back. After few seconds he seemed to feel discomfort and looked away. Really, some people are strange.

Another thing worth mentioning: ATM DMSI feels like 1,1 steps forward and 1 step back. Good and interesting things happens on one side, on the other side I feel bad, like I never will reach my goal. Today had a moment where I thought this isn't really worth all the effort, maybe I should focus on something different, even if it didn't last that long.

[Shawn]

Today 2 loops masked and another loop later (A). Feeling somehow sad and thinking about different past things. I realized that I literally postpone all things which could help me to improve socializing. Also noticed different bad beliefs about women and how they support each other. One significant that came up was that women are just waiting to be approached to put the men down. Like wild animals waiting to tear apart their prey. Nothing else today to report.

[Shawn]

Somehow frustrated again but also angry. Was out yesterday night. At the very begin there were four girls dancing and one of them was looking at me for a while. I didn't do anything at the time and later I changed the room (the have different rooms). After some time there I noticed I really got in mood for dancing and entered the dancefloor. I noticed there two girls I also noticed in the room I was before where we also had some eye contact. I started dancing closer but after few minutes she simply said "no" and pointed me to leave the dancefloor (or going into the other end of dancefloor, I don't know). Of course, I didn't leave, just moved away a few steps and continued dancing.

After few minutes the four girls from begin came to the dancefloor and started dancing with me. Three of them were looking at me like there were expecting me to do something but the one I had eye contact before in the other room didn't even look at me and after the rejection before I was somehow discouraged to do something. At least if I don't even get a look and a smile. But it didn't took long anyway as someone who worked there said something to one of them and they left and started discussing something with him. I also had enough at this point and left.

Forgot to mention, as I was dancing with these girls the girl who rejected me left. I wouldn't noticed but of any points where she could leave the dancefloor she left exactly where I have been. And I still wouldn't notice but at some point I noticed a hand touching my upper arm and I turned around. It was her while passing by but she was the only person doing so. So why the hell is this happening after she almost wanted me to leave her world? I don't get it.

Another thing with the girl from begin. Why is she having eye contact with me, coming to the dancefloor with her friend to me but then acting like she wouldn't see me? Another thing I don't get.

Good thing is, I was always somehow afraid of being shamed for doing something wrong but it didn't happen. Just a simple rejection. Yes, it felt definitely uncomfortable but not much of shame. Another thing I noticed that I am not that much afraid of being rejected, I simply want to avoid feeling frustrated or angry because of this. And it doesn't even feel like the rejection itself caused this so it isn't like I am frustrated because she did something to me. It feels more like every time this happens I feel like I failed which causes the frustration. But after failing again and again...no matter what I do...for more than two decades....this isn't that surprising at all. And I also noticed that I still have got a problem with being sexual. Actually it feels like the fear of being called out for sexual harassment if she would notice that I am aroused or something. I really hate this crap.

But I am also missing something with regard to the flirting/dating (other than social skills) and this is some lightness and fun. This all feels more like heavy, serious work - maybe caused through frustration - I mean I can barely smile. This negativity inside (or maybe it is just pressure, I don't know) is overwhelming and something has to happen about is. I know, the healing takes care probably of those things but I am somehow impatient.

Other than that I got few online matches at the last days but they don't respond after texting them. Two women initiated a conversation. The one send me a message like "hey, wanna meet?". I answered "When are you free?" but got no response anymore. Another one sent me just a smiley and she responded to my texts. But I don't know what to think because I saw her pics and there are two where I would rate her 6.5 but there are also two I would barely rate her a 4... So, I don't know, she could be like anything between 3 and 7 in real life.

So it had become a pretty long post again.

EDIT:
2 days ago: 2 loops (both masked), another one later masked
yesterday: 2 loops (both masked)

[Light]

Somehow frustrated again but also angry. Was out yesterday night. At the very begin there were four girls dancing and one of them was looking at me for a while. I didn't do anything at the time and later I changed the room (the have different rooms). After some time there I noticed I really got in mood for dancing and entered the dancefloor. I noticed there two girls I also noticed in the room I was before where we also had some eye contact. I started dancing closer but after few minutes she simply said "no" and pointed me to leave the dancefloor (or going into the other end of dancefloor, I don't know). Of course, I didn't leave, just moved away a few steps and continued dancing.

After few minutes the four girls from begin came to the dancefloor and started dancing with me. Three of them were looking at me like there were expecting me to do something but the one I had eye contact before in the other room didn't even look at me and after the rejection before I was somehow discouraged to do something. At least if I don't even get a look and a smile. But it didn't took long anyway as someone who worked there said something to one of them and they left and started discussing something with him. I also had enough at this point and left.

Forgot to mention, as I was dancing with these girls the girl who rejected me left. I wouldn't noticed but of any points where she could leave the dancefloor she left exactly where I have been. And I still wouldn't notice but at some point I noticed a hand touching my upper arm and I turned around. It was her while passing by but she was the only person doing so. So why the hell is this happening after she almost wanted me to leave her world? I don't get it.

Another thing with the girl from begin. Why is she having eye contact with me, coming to the dancefloor with her friend to me but then acting like she wouldn't see me? Another thing I don't get.

Good thing is, I was always somehow afraid of being shamed for doing something wrong but it didn't happen. Just a simple rejection. Yes, it felt definitely uncomfortable but not much of shame. Another thing I noticed that I am not that much afraid of being rejected, I simply want to avoid feeling frustrated or angry because of this. And it doesn't even feel like the rejection itself caused this so it isn't like I am frustrated because she did something to me. It feels more like every time this happens I feel like I failed which causes the frustration. But after failing again and again...no matter what I do...for more than two decades....this isn't that surprising at all. And I also noticed that I still have got a problem with being sexual. Actually it feels like the fear of being called out for sexual harassment if she would notice that I am aroused or something. I really hate this crap.

But I am also missing something with regard to the flirting/dating (other than social skills) and this is some lightness and fun. This all feels more like heavy, serious work - maybe caused through frustration - I mean I can barely smile. This negativity inside (or maybe it is just pressure, I don't know) is overwhelming and something has to happen about is. I know, the healing takes care probably of those things but I am somehow impatient.

Other than that I got few online matches at the last days but they don't respond after texting them. Two women initiated a conversation. The one send me a message like "hey, wanna meet?". I answered "When are you free?" but got no response anymore. Another one sent me just a smiley and she responded to my texts. But I don't know what to think because I saw her pics and there are two where I would rate her 6.5 but there are also two I would barely rate her a 4... So, I don't know, she could be like anything between 3 and 7 in real life.

So it had become a pretty long post again.

EDIT:
2 days ago: 2 loops (both masked), another one later masked
yesterday: 2 loops (both masked)

The reason why the two girls might have "rejected"you is your initial hesitation. For a girl dancing beside you is a huge sign that she wants to meet you. When you ignore that the first time, she develops a huge fear of you rejecting her. Therefore, she wont show any obvious signs of attraction. Girls scan the dance floor with an eagle eye and notice the slightest thing. That is why pua talk about creating social proof right at the beginning before attempting to do a real approach.
Rejection hurt. But believe me every new rejection gets you nearer to your goal. If you consistently approach and get rejected, i can assure you it will workout in the end.you just have to keep going...

[Shawn]

The reason why the two girls might have "rejected"you is your initial hesitation. For a girl dancing beside you is a huge sign that she wynts to meet you. When you ignore that the first time, she develops a huge fear of you rejecting her. Therefore, she wont show any obvious signs of attraction. Girls scan the dance floor with an eagle eye and notice the slightest thing. That is why pua talk about creating social proof right at the beginning before attempting to do a real approach.
Rejection hurt. But believe me every new rejection gets you nearer to your goal. If you consistently approach and get rejected, i can assure you it will workout in the end.you just have to keep going...

Oh, well, in the first room where I saw them the first time I wasn't dancing at all, just sitting at the bar. I was only dancing in the second room where I spotted them after I already entered the dancefloor. We just had some eye contact in the first room, but maybe this was already enough of hesitation.

[Shawn]

Today have done two consecutive loops and an extra loop later, all masked. Also started working out today with an home exercise program. Let's see how long it lasts this time.

[Shawn]

Waked up this morning and still felt some frustration and depression but it was different than it is usually. I mean when I am frustrated it usually put me down and I am not in the mood to do anything. But now it was like a part of me is ignoring these bad feelings, like saying "well, I feel that way but it is ok, let's do something anyway".

Was in the university for learning and noticed a lot of stares from women. Most of them looked over and looked away and then looked again and so on. But one was like staring all the time because every time I looked over she looked already at me and she also didn't look away when I looked in her eyes for longer.

Have texted with my online manifestation again and suggested to meet up as conversation was pretty good. After that she revealed that she is with someone but no more into him and if I still want to meet her. I asked her when she is free and from that on it become interesting, because every message was spiked with shit tests while the messages revealed more and more that she is more likely looking for someone who makes her feel good instead of meeting up and have some fun. But she must have been attracted because she continued messaging me even if my answers wasn't what she has been looking for (well, but maybe they were in some way...). Anyway, after I stated very clearly that I am looking for a woman that I can meet in real life and saying that I am probably not the one she is looking for if she don't want to she stopped responding.

Have done two loops today (hybrid/masked).