DMSI 3.01A TESTING

[AlphaScorpio]

just missed the last 3 minutes of hybrid track cause I fucked up the loop play or something. Grr.

Just remembered I had a dream last night about sharks, I have always had a fear/fascination of sharks since I was a young kid, in the dream I was observing a bull shark swimming off a platform in the middle the ocean and diving to deep depths then later I was in the supermarket and they were selling shark fizzy water...wtf. lol. strange dream.

[Shannon]

Good solution: stop caring what other people think. Disconnect emotionally from it. Ignore.

[AlphaScorpio]

Agreed, it's hard though I hope dmsi can help work on healing these patterns I have to do with how other people perceive me.

Increased calories to 3850 from my usual 3000 today... Somethings using up alot of energy

[AlphaScorpio]

Day 7

Anger from yesterday has subsided massively, Must of been triggered by healing modules.
Moments of brief excitement (not quite euphoria) about the future, I am so motivated and enjoying my work! No IOIs noted past few days, but in all fairness I haven't really been around any women much, especially not hot ones. Tomorrow I have college so might notice some more there. Find myself being drawn to emotional, expressive and or nostalgic songs. Not beta and needy songs but pure and deep, maybe also this is triggered by healing.

[AlphaScorpio]

Day 8

Listened to DMSI hybrid @50/100 volume on pc overnight... Woke up VERY tired missed college due to this extreme level of tiredness, Feeling a bit introverted and not wanting to go out anywhere even though it's Friday and I love to go out to college and town during the day... surprised how different I feel from yesterday.

[AlphaScorpio]

Experiencing what Shannon mentioned a couple days ago on his journal about keep meaning to go out and do something and then finding myself staying at home, I'm really feeling tired today not physically but mentally I have a heavy headed feeling this is very strange. I am sort of depressed but not feeling depressed, almost like I am aware that I am processing something without feeling the exact pain of what it is... Guess it's the masking in script.

I notice that I tend to hide and hermit away when going through processing and changes (which hasn't happened much at all past 6-7 months). Just hope the healing does it's job and I come out the other side better for it.

[AlphaScorpio]

Day 9

Strange fatigue again, long lie ins, lots of brain fog. Weird thing happened this morning.

I was on computer browsing and one of the students who lives with me just knocked on my door, I had my earphones in so I wasn't sure if it was front door or my room's door, he comes in and sits on my chair like no deal while I'm still in my dressing gown normally I or the person walking in would be embarrassed or uptight etc. I initially felt surprised as he had never done this before, then I realized he was just wanting a chat cause the other students were in their rooms or out at work. I felt sympathy, almost glad that he felt no fear about coming into my room, I want people to feel open with me and vise versa.

The chinese student living with my parents (16 year old) was looking at me alot when I went round yesterday for a visit. I walked past her once and she teasingly went to punch me (as I showed her a video of a guy punching a kangaroo to save his dog) noticed she's more playful and less timid around me but very enamoured by my presence.


Finding it hard to make sense of what's going on in my head but I think this is an interesting development, something's shifting.

P.S. Curiously I found a nostalgic child video (I've been very nostalgic since starting 3.01A) that I had been looking for for YEARS... Interesting time I had found it in now, almost like I need to reconnect to the past to process changes and healing.

[AlphaScorpio]

Day 12

Woke up during middle of the night after having a dream of my mother dying, In the dream I was in a car with my Dad and family and I was yelling at him saying that Mum had died but he didn't show any kind of response, totally locked down... awful intense dream, I woke up still thinking she had died and took about 2 minutes until I realized it was just a dream, made a pretty shit day, something DEEP is being worked on I think.

At work I got some game playing from the workshop manager, he basically is a 33 year old who doesn't seem to handle power properly, manipulative and passive aggressive type, he has been trying to pull some shit on me abusing his position, I'm going to nip it in the bud and speak to the boss if if happens again. My mood fluctuated a fair bit today.

No IOIs noted past couple days

[AlphaScorpio]

Day 13

Better today, no trouble from workshop manager, he's just someone with insecurities and projects them onto others, not my issue.

Switched to listening to Hybrid at 100% volume to see what happens. Noticed headphones came off whilst listening to it on low volume which is weird... usually that happened when I had it on too loud.

Can feel some warmth but could be normally temperature fluctuations but no real IOIs and no real celebrity effect at the moment either. Nothing's really happening externally. Could be that I am going through healing still and all the other parts of the program are on hold.

[AlphaScorpio]

Day 14

Had day off work as took the day as holiday, Went shopping earlier for food and listened to DMSI on earphones whilst there only 1 IOI I can think of, middle aged lady around 45-50 looked at me for a few seconds with keen look.

I feel like I'm resisting alot and I feel a huge turmoil inside even though on the outside I seem to be having a positive rub off on people I interact with who know me, strangers seem to be frightened or wary though. My mental state/mood changes a fair bit during the day.

Feeling;

-Introversion (not looking around me much when out, introspective, self conscious)
-DGAF (Not caring about being rude or saying sorry if I bump into someone, getting angry at others if they dont move out my way, even told a lady to fuck off when she demanded where my lights were when I was riding my bike)
-Cut off from people who don't respect me or interact with me in a positive way.

Almost like running AM5/6 at the moment.

Don't feel aura at the moment, nor do I feel much when listening either.

[AlphaScorpio]

Day 15

At college today, noticed nothing out of the ordinary except I was more talkative...same as two weeks ago.

I am still strongly introverted and prefer to keep to myself but I am sociable at the same time... weird.

No real IOIs from random girls in the street ALTOUGH I do seem to be noticing that there are more hot chicks around, could be coincidence or a manifestation?

Still noticing this weird thing where my mood switches drasticly, like what eternity's child was saying I feel feelings more...

[AlphaScorpio]

DMSI seems to be getting me to focus on posture and biomechanics, I have been recommended a book called "becoming a supple leopard" by my housemate and I'm reading it at the moment. Looks like a great book I have had issues with posture and core weakness.... maybe this is making me less sexy!

[AlphaScorpio]

Also noticed past couple of days I am taking more interest in my appearance and hygiene, cutting nails more often, EVEN my toenails which I usually procrastinate, Trimming down below etc. My room is spotless just need the hot chicks to start magically turning up on my doorstep and we're good to go ! haha

[AlphaScorpio]

Day 18

Day started off badly, Spoke to my boss and he said I'll have to find another apprenticeship if I don't improve my concentration... (I nearly fucked up with something last week) I explained to him I was really tired and that I was still adjusting to the new work environment (I have come a long way from the days of sitting in my room with no job doing fuck all) as well as cycling to work and back etc. etc. He said he understood my circumstances but he wants me to not make any fuck ups or near fucks ups. I got really upset about this and felt like I should just give up, I can't change etc. Then I decided to channel that frustration into proving him wrong so I worked hard and focused for the whole day while he was out, felt really productive, by the end of the day my colleague said I am way better then he was when he started out... I ended the day on a good note. Fuck being a douche to myself, I need to help myself and remember that I CAN do things I just have to keep trying and concentrating and a good attitude will keep me going.

My boss has been distant even since I started 3.01A for some reason similar to 2.5 where he ignored me most of the time, he treated me like a totally different person on 2.4 joked with me, asked me more about myself, helped me, gave me stuff etc. really strange.