12-31-2019, 03:22 PM
(12-31-2019, 08:39 AM)lano1106 Wrote: Catman,
I don't want to get to involved in this discussion but there 1 thing that is striking to me.
It is your stand about casual sex. It seems to me that as long as you find the idea disgusting, having DMSI work is an impossibility.
1 major thing that is stopping women from having sex is the fear of being judged.
IMHO, if you were believing that casual sex is something normal and beautiful that 2 consenting adults that are attracted to each other want and like to share together, this would open up a new realm of possibilities.
Are you at least able to imagine yourself, with all the conditions right, being cool with casual sex?
Be honest with yourself. I know from experience that if there is something that I wasn't able to get, I was able to fool myself by back-rationalizing that the inaccessible thing was in fact a very bad thing so that I could feel better about myself and my shortcomings... (sex and money being 2 of those things...)
One possible scenario is if you don't have yet gained sexual confidence. There is nothing to like from a situation where the only aspect that you will be appreciated for is your sexual performance by a stranger if you are unsure about your performance yourself.
Otherwise, if you enjoy some occasional porn, you should enjoy casual sex. The only difference is that one is threatening your ego and the other is safe for it.
Hey there Lano!
The casual sex thing, well I admit I don't play the typical stereotype of the horny guy trying to get laid constantly. I've always been confused and felt "weird" for not being so seemingly obsessed with it. lt's always been very hard for me to wrap my head around, that most guys love the idea of random hookups and what not and the why behind that.
However, I've never been one of the party/clubbing guys, where such things are commonplace due to lowered inhibitions from alcohol and periodic drug use. Maybe I was never a part of it because of low confidence, low success with women so I didn't bother, both things I wrote about earlier, so I'm not sure. So, that "culture" if you will, was something I wasn't a part of, regardless. Also, since my stance on casual sex was so different than the majority of those who do such things, and/or had severe confidence issues about myself and women, I either wasn't very attracted to girls who frequented them, and/or naturally I wouldn't have been their type either as a result. Different interests in multiple directions, alcohol (I don't drink), casual sex, possible drugs, partying, clubbing, and the like I suppose.
I've thought about this quite a bit over time here as the topic gets suggested about me and causal sex or getting a hooker once every few months. Either in posts, or PMs, it's been a recurring trend. I mean, for some reason, I just don't feel like casual sex...for ME mind you...not anyone else...have your fun...but for ME...I don't think it holds appeal to me. I've known lots of guys who love going out and "getting chicks, brah!", that's great for them. I'm happy for them. For me, I don't know, it's hard to know the exact reason why it's different with me. Mainly because I can't measure a "before and after" with girls I think. I mean, my negative experiences go back to when I was a young boy with girls, I remember back then being very aroused by the ones I liked. Being in awe even. Probably TOO aroused and over-pursued and what not, even though I had no idea what I was doing and was probably just acting on impulse and hormones. I'm sure if some of those experiences went the other way and the girls welcomed my attempts, I might have had sex, had girlfriends, and maybe my feelings on this may be different. I have no idea to be honest. Or, maybe I'd still feel the same and be "old fashioned", which is very likely given my upbringing and morals instilled in me. Not too much rule 4, just to pre-emptively clarify (sorry mods I won't dwell on that).
The sexual confidence thing is kinda what I delved into earlier in my posts, both this one and earlier. It's just a theory of course, as I don't know if the lack of experience and lifelong failure with girls has "trained" me to not want casual sex among other things. Or, if it's a red herring, and really, I'm just "old fashioned", which is very likely, again given my background and upbringing.
The porn thing is interesting. But, it's hard to know. I mean, truthfully, I have porn and masturbation as my only sexual outlets for my life so far. Obviously, since I'm a virgin, that is the case. I'm not really an avid porn watcher, sometimes on DMSIs I've had horny "fits", that needed to be scratched with porn watching. I viewed them as intrusive and annoying, they derailed me from other things in my life. Extreme urges, that may even have just been resistance spikes, I don't know.
There's a lot to digest and ponder, but really, it's hard to know which of any of it, are the "root" issue(s). I just felt I needed to give a detailed answer to the questions posed to me as best as I could, since I was told my previous words revealed things that needed to be changed in the script. It's hard for ME, to pin down stuff about myself as the "why", if you get me. At best, I think it's like a labyrinth, a bunch of possibles, that need to be run out to be evaluated. So that's why I kinda just take a long time to pour out a lot of material, in the hopes that things stick out that may be useful.
Thanks a lot for your post, Lano! I hope BASE treats you well, man.
