03-23-2015, 08:30 PM
Day 32 3/24/15 stage 2
- Had a total of two breakdowns today. I had a assignment due and my teacher wanted me to write about something I that I found interesting. I ended up writing about a song that I liked. I chose the song and began writing about it (intending to just write a mediocre report). It began ok and then I started pouring my deepest, darkest things that I tried to block by being mindless and distant. I haven't even told anyone about this and I just kept pouring stuff out and I hit the breaking point. The Flood gates opened and then I started sobbing uncontrollably. After I calmed down I continued to try and finish my paper. Wrote a paragraph and I hit another nerve. Sobbed even harder the second time.
-What I wrote that possibly triggered the breakdowns.
First
I tried copy what others do and their lifestyles to try and get what they got to no avail. I failed every time and it drove me deeper into the “darkness”. I started to question will there be a light at the end of tunnel?
(lyrics)
Pull me from the darkness, lift me back into the light
Fill this empty vessel, fill this hole I have inside
Am I worth forgiveness, I can't make myself believe
Second.
My want for something spiraled into a need. I needed something and I didn’t know what it was. Feeling eternally lost with only daily distractions for comfort. Have it creep back into my mind springs me back into action. Although I often wonder why I keep doing springing back into action. The question keep coming back:
(lyrics)
Is there any good left in me?
I want to be a good man
I want to be a good man
Is there good left in me?
I want to be a good man
Is there any good left in me?
Well at least something is happening lol
- Had a total of two breakdowns today. I had a assignment due and my teacher wanted me to write about something I that I found interesting. I ended up writing about a song that I liked. I chose the song and began writing about it (intending to just write a mediocre report). It began ok and then I started pouring my deepest, darkest things that I tried to block by being mindless and distant. I haven't even told anyone about this and I just kept pouring stuff out and I hit the breaking point. The Flood gates opened and then I started sobbing uncontrollably. After I calmed down I continued to try and finish my paper. Wrote a paragraph and I hit another nerve. Sobbed even harder the second time.
-What I wrote that possibly triggered the breakdowns.
First
I tried copy what others do and their lifestyles to try and get what they got to no avail. I failed every time and it drove me deeper into the “darkness”. I started to question will there be a light at the end of tunnel?
(lyrics)
Pull me from the darkness, lift me back into the light
Fill this empty vessel, fill this hole I have inside
Am I worth forgiveness, I can't make myself believe
Second.
My want for something spiraled into a need. I needed something and I didn’t know what it was. Feeling eternally lost with only daily distractions for comfort. Have it creep back into my mind springs me back into action. Although I often wonder why I keep doing springing back into action. The question keep coming back:
(lyrics)
Is there any good left in me?
I want to be a good man
I want to be a good man
Is there good left in me?
I want to be a good man
Is there any good left in me?
Well at least something is happening lol
