05-21-2014, 09:12 AM
Some very interesting changes in my perception of rooms and myself. Today I woke up and I felt like my room was some sort of grand cathedral and I was a god striding through it. Like what? Haha it was crazy, but I feel good.
I woke up in the middle of the night and I looked at myself in the mirror, half lucid, and I looked like the most alpha motherfucker ever. I was really large and felt like a damn boss. I was whatever supermodel alpha I had always wanted to be.
I had a dream that I threw everyone who was important to me or controlled my life in some way off a building at my school. I can see the importance of this being that I'm starting to value their opinion less and I want them out of my life so I can have more control and freedom.
Some interesting reactions from a girl yesterday was she was smiling at me, and then she immediately gave me a complete look of disgust, like I was appalling to her. Before this might have hurt my self esteem a lot but right now I find it really amusing.
I feel like I should be getting certain emotional reactions from things and it's weird that I'm not. I'm just a bit scared because in the past I would tell myself, and I would even feel that I was okay, but really I was not. This has made a bit paranoid, but I think I can learn to accept it with time.
I've also become very accepting of my dark side. The side of me that could murder and kill within a blink of an eye and not care. I know it sounds serious and violent but It's a part of all of us that we have to accept. Becoming more aware of this has made me feel more motivated and less resistant to change. It's not something I care to cover up anymore.
I'm also beginning to acknowledge my failures more and more. Before I'd just ignore my bad feelings because the Law of attraction said whatever you think about comes to pass, but I feel like regardless of what I do these feelings will come to pass anyway. It's best to just deal with them and come to peace with these emotions.
I woke up in the middle of the night and I looked at myself in the mirror, half lucid, and I looked like the most alpha motherfucker ever. I was really large and felt like a damn boss. I was whatever supermodel alpha I had always wanted to be.
I had a dream that I threw everyone who was important to me or controlled my life in some way off a building at my school. I can see the importance of this being that I'm starting to value their opinion less and I want them out of my life so I can have more control and freedom.
Some interesting reactions from a girl yesterday was she was smiling at me, and then she immediately gave me a complete look of disgust, like I was appalling to her. Before this might have hurt my self esteem a lot but right now I find it really amusing.
I feel like I should be getting certain emotional reactions from things and it's weird that I'm not. I'm just a bit scared because in the past I would tell myself, and I would even feel that I was okay, but really I was not. This has made a bit paranoid, but I think I can learn to accept it with time.
I've also become very accepting of my dark side. The side of me that could murder and kill within a blink of an eye and not care. I know it sounds serious and violent but It's a part of all of us that we have to accept. Becoming more aware of this has made me feel more motivated and less resistant to change. It's not something I care to cover up anymore.
I'm also beginning to acknowledge my failures more and more. Before I'd just ignore my bad feelings because the Law of attraction said whatever you think about comes to pass, but I feel like regardless of what I do these feelings will come to pass anyway. It's best to just deal with them and come to peace with these emotions.
