Arctic Fox's EPRHA V2 Journal

[ArcticFox]

Day 45

Days completed = 28
Days missed = 17

This has been the toughest week for me, all of the negatives that i want to clear up with this sub have been out in full force. I managed to overcome most of the temptations, but have been more negative and withdrawn than I would have liked.

I can sense the good that is coming out, I just need to keep going through this dark time to see the light - hopefully sooner rather than later.

[ArcticFox]

Day 51

Days completed = 34
Days missed = 17

Neutral changes to report. Don't wake up with butterflies in belly when thinking about my lack of assets in real world, no house, wife, kids, etc - less regret. This has now changed into a why bother, too late, what's the point attitude - but its not painful.

I think this may be due to sub fatigue but i really have let myself go since doing the subs, don't run or train much any more, not studying or bettering myself, going out less, and indulging in destructive vices more, and more time on my own as well.

I'm still optimistic about the subs work, I just havn't noticed it yet, too soon. Also the fact I havn't completed 1 run yet.

Seeds of doubt are starting to crop up, surely all the exposure to subs should pick you up a bit, even in the very slightest short term? To be fair I've been more depressed than I've ever been.

[maxx55]

Day 51

Days completed = 34
Days missed = 17

Neutral changes to report. Don't wake up with butterflies in belly when thinking about my lack of assets in real world, no house, wife, kids, etc - less regret. This has now changed into a why bother, too late, what's the point attitude - but its not painful.

I think this may be due to sub fatigue but i really have let myself go since doing the subs, don't run or train much any more, not studying or bettering myself, going out less, and indulging in destructive vices more, and more time on my own as well.

I'm still optimistic about the subs work, I just havn't noticed it yet, too soon. Also the fact I havn't completed 1 run yet.

Seeds of doubt are starting to crop up, surely all the exposure to subs should pick you up a bit, even in the very slightest short term? To be fair I've been more depressed than I've ever been.

Just stick with it man! I had the same level of depression you are talking about here. I even had thoughts about how the world is so f***** and how nothing matters.

By the end I felt like "The world may be going downhill, but I'm gonna enjoy it while I still can" in a calm controlled sort of way.

[ArcticFox]

Day 55

Days completed = 37
Days missed = 18

Another missed day to the tally, urgh!. Got 10 days to go for my first run of EPRHA. I did a 12 hour stint on Saturday night, was pretty drunk before going to bed and putting on the US. Hit me hard on Sunday. Had feelings of being trapped in a mental prison, felt like claustrophobia, like reality wasn't real and I'm inside this invisible bubble.

Freaked me out! Its the third time ive had this feeling now, ive never had it before so im hoping its a sign of my subconscious trying to deal with issues, and battling with itself trying to repress them by making me fearful.

I was actually close to not doing the sub on Sunday night, I was fearful to put it on and do it - but I went for it anyway. I guess this is what you call resistance! Hoping for a solid 10 day run now to finish my first stage. Going for 6 with this sub.

[ArcticFox]

Day 58

Days completed = 40
Days missed = 18
Days required to complete 1 stage: 18 * 0.5 = 9 | 32 + 9 = 41
So tonight is my last night for stage 1 completion :exclamation:

Thoughts of the day:

• early this morning urge to shun friends and close off which is fairly normal for me, although I'm over reacting over much more trivial things to trigger this.
  
• Some thoughts and feelings to getting my shit together, training, eating healthier, focusing on study, career.
  
• Feels as if I'm just about to make some small break throughs, or at least on the very cusp!
  

I have a cycle (well before doing subs) of going through being lazy, indulging, procrastination, heavy frap over pron and back to be productive, healthy, exercising, natural desire for women (no pornhub). This cycle pretty much disappeared during this 1st run of EPRHA , and I just amplified all of the negative parts and supressed the positive parts.

[maxx55]

Good job on finishing your first month's worth of listening! You'll have much more self control and feel more centered in the coming months if you keep it up and listen every day!

[ArcticFox]

Good job on finishing your first month's worth of listening! You'll have much more self control and feel more centered in the coming months if you keep it up and listen every day!

Thanks for your continued support Maxx, I really appreciate it! Review of my first stage coming soon!

[Nox]

Day 58

Days completed = 40
Days missed = 18
Days required to complete 1 stage: 18 * 0.5 = 9 | 32 + 9 = 41
So tonight is my last night for stage 1 completion :exclamation:

Thoughts of the day:

• early this morning urge to shun friends and close off which is fairly normal for me, although I'm over reacting over much more trivial things to trigger this.
  
• Some thoughts and feelings to getting my shit together, training, eating healthier, focusing on study, career.
  
• Feels as if I'm just about to make some small break throughs, or at least on the very cusp!
  

I have a cycle (well before doing subs) of going through being lazy, indulging, procrastination, heavy frap over pron and back to be productive, healthy, exercising, natural desire for women (no pornhub). This cycle pretty much disappeared during this 1st run of EPRHA , and I just amplified all of the negative parts and supressed the positive parts.

I've really enjoyed your journal. I especially like how you're honest about what you see to be your negative hang ups. Especially the cyclical habits, which basically every human seems to have too much of. Some are just a bit more extended than others haha

I would like to add, though, that these negative behaviors are not always negative. Especially when going through your emotional and habit formed "junk" our minds often times DO need a break. Isolation and sexual release can be very helpful when our mind is processing a lot, which this sub seems to be doing. Be kind to yourself bro, you're making excellent headway in an area that most people are not brave enough to confront. If these things do come up again it might be because you're doing so well that you need a break. Keep going man, it's awesome to read about your progress!

[ArcticFox]

Thanks for the encouraging words Nox!

[ArcticFox]

Day 69

Days completed total = 50
Days missed total = 19
Stage 1 complete
Stage 2 started: 22nd November
Stage 2 Days = 9
Days missed = 0

On the last day of stage one I had a very vivid dream, one which did not fit into my normal repetition of standard dreams that i can remember. It was one of those dreams that you cant stop thinking about the next day, and every time you do you get the same deep feeling - good feeling in a way.

The dream in the very simplest of terms: we were samurai, 2 men, a woman and myself - all looked Japanese and were dressed in Japanese style robes - all very hazey and not clear. The 2 men felt like relatives, maybe farther and brother, the brother was not really in the picture. The woman was important to me but did not feel like a relative, maybe a girlfriend.

I had a Samurai sword and it was my job to kill the woman, but it didn't feel like a harsh thing, it as if this is what needed to be done. She was ready for death and excepted her situation.

She was on her hands and knees waiting for me to executer her - but again it didn't feel that bad, like not a real execution. The 2 men watched and waiting as I prepared to finish her. I slashed the sword across her face down and across, with each stroke her face blurred, this was not gory in any way, her face just become more blurred.

The job was done and the the 1 man to my right, which felt like my father gave the slightest nod of approval. Following this i went to another room and looked inside a box which belonged to the woman (my girlfriend perhaps), in it a found a large disc shaped token with a dragon on it, the picture represented the woman and upon seeing it I instantly began to cry HEAVILY, like more than I have in a long time and it felt very real!! I then cried a second time. All due to the sadness of the woman no longer being present. Dream over.

When I woke up the first thing I thought was I hope i cried for real, but then realised it was a dream and I hadn't in fact cried in reality - you know that feeling when you first wake up and think it was real.

I have waited until now to post about this as it felt good in a way and I didn't want to ruin the mystery around the dream.

I'm not looking for any kind of comments or meaning about the dream, but if you do want to comment on what you think it all means then please PM me, don't post 'em here.

Thought his was a rather fitting end to my first stage of EPRHA.

[ArcticFox]

Thanks for the PMs on the dream. I feel the emotion has detached now so feel free to comment here!

I need to go back and try to tap on this I think!

[ArcticFox]

Day 89

Days completed total = 66
Days missed total = 23
Stage 1 complete
Stage 2 started: 22nd November
Stage 2 Days = 25
Days missed = 4

Had a really tough end to stage 1 and was hoping stage 2 was going to get better. Got a very good start and had a nice combo run of consecutive days.

Things got worse during this run; I was very irritable, angry at friends, colleagues, just pissed off at life and everyone!! Hard to believe this now but I was soooo close to sacking the sub altogether.

I couldn't believe that a repetition of subliminal positive words repeated every 30 minutes for 8 hours would have no positive impact and even worse create negative emotions and make things worse for me!!

I persevered with the sub and had an accidental break when my sleep hones fell off one night (I switched to these as i thought US on speakers was causing anger issues).

After the break things started to get better or at least not get worse, I switched back to my speakers an US and continued on my journey. I've missed Thursday, Friday and Saturday due to partying and xmas parties. the break has done me the world of good though!!!

I got laid at the xmas party This obviously made my weekend, really pretty petite blonde with a killer bum! But more importantly this is the first time ive got laid since splitting up with my ex a year ago!!!

This has helped me get over her so much more, and I wish i could have done it earlier! Its released so much of my tension and feel like im getting my mojo back!!

[ArcticFox]

Day 97

Days completed total = 71
Days missed total = 26
Stage 1 complete
Stage 2 started: 22nd November
Stage 2 Days = 30
Days missed = 7

closing in on stage 2 completion, 6 days left to complete with the missed days. Christmas has been difficult to get good exposure as ive been away form home and had to use sleep phones which sometimes fall of during sleep.

It was a good test of the subs as i was with family that can sometimes drive me crazy. i was pretty chilled the whole time but i could have been better, still got some attitude points to straighten out.

will probably miss another couple of days with New years eve/day. Overall i think im making good progress, but ive still got a long way to go.

[ArcticFox]

Day 103

Days completed total = 75
Days missed total = 28
Stage 1 complete
Stage 2 started: 22nd November
Stage 2 Days = 34
Days missed = 9

I'm going to take stage to up to 37 days to complete the missed days, which means I should be finished by Thursday. If I didn't keep track of my missed days there is no way I would have believed I missed almost a complete stage of days!!