Welp Tonight is the night that I can finally use AoL4 and I'm hyped but also scared at the same time.
Mainly because we had to search for the audio volume ourself this time around (and I'm still not over the fact I failed my past experiences because of bad audio setting..)
But oh well I still tried and I came to 5 clicks, I really hope it's good enough and I dont mess up again..
I know we have been over this alot and I need to learn to forgive myself for it and I just need to keep going.
To be fair above is one of the reasons I'm going to use AoL 4 to begin with to finally start accepting myself and love myself like others love me. (or atleast my mother and my close friends.)
Also this journey will be interesting since I guess I was born with a lower version of AoL by the fact people always gave me the benefit of the doubt and sometime got a random speciale gift or something (the latter is rare though).
In my childhood people always came to me for conversations and start of the friendship (hence why I dont know how to start conversations with strangers myself..)
But anyway the problem is, is that I lack alot of self love (wich makes sense with a Father who expected me to be perfect)
(wich reminds me I think my dads joke that he always makes on every single holiday of the year: if you didn't had enough food then it's your own fault, Might be one of the things that got into my subconcious that might have been related to HOWL)
but yeah I hope 5 clicks is good enough for me and I dont mess up again (oh well I guess I found out soon enough since I'm supposed to feel better with this experience dont know on wich day I'm supposed to feel like this but oh well).
Let's go!
Mainly because we had to search for the audio volume ourself this time around (and I'm still not over the fact I failed my past experiences because of bad audio setting..)
But oh well I still tried and I came to 5 clicks, I really hope it's good enough and I dont mess up again..
I know we have been over this alot and I need to learn to forgive myself for it and I just need to keep going.
To be fair above is one of the reasons I'm going to use AoL 4 to begin with to finally start accepting myself and love myself like others love me. (or atleast my mother and my close friends.)
Also this journey will be interesting since I guess I was born with a lower version of AoL by the fact people always gave me the benefit of the doubt and sometime got a random speciale gift or something (the latter is rare though).
In my childhood people always came to me for conversations and start of the friendship (hence why I dont know how to start conversations with strangers myself..)
But anyway the problem is, is that I lack alot of self love (wich makes sense with a Father who expected me to be perfect)
(wich reminds me I think my dads joke that he always makes on every single holiday of the year: if you didn't had enough food then it's your own fault, Might be one of the things that got into my subconcious that might have been related to HOWL)
but yeah I hope 5 clicks is good enough for me and I dont mess up again (oh well I guess I found out soon enough since I'm supposed to feel better with this experience dont know on wich day I'm supposed to feel like this but oh well).
Let's go!
