Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal

[Antaeus]

I have to keep reminding myself to be patient and let the sub do its work. It's been 25 days since I started stage 1 but I haven't really noticed any differences yet aside from having these insights. The only thing I can report in all this time is that I've felt serious anger at myself for all the times I've allowed myself to be mistreated. Also have had some feelings of hopelessness, as if not even this sub can help me.

Ive been trying to figure out how I can start to get out more and start socializing. Don't have much money right now. I figure maybe I could meet people at the gym. Which is where I need to be going anyway.

Started eating healthier this week. Meal preps have been pretty straightforward: boneless skinless chicken thighs, green beans with uncured bacon, and roasted sweet potatoes seasoned with salt, pepper and smoked paprika (tastes freaking amazing btw).

I've been knowing that I need to eat healthier, and start taking care of myself better. A lot has happened in the past 8 months.

I have a feeling that stages 1 & 2 will be largely uneventful for me.

But I'm sticking with it.

Sounds to me like stage 1 is doing exactly what it's supposed to. the insights are a sign of maturity being gained. you eating healthier as well as wanting to go to the gym is also the sub at work. Feeling pissed about your boundaries being crossed in the past also seems to be a common effect of the first couple of stages. You wanting to meet new people is a sign of the extroversion training at work. Your run of stage 1 seems pretty eventful, you just may not be getting the events you expected right now.

Yea I guess when you look at it that way it's true. Although wanting to do something and actually doing it are two different things. I've been telling myself I need to start exercising again but I've been putting it off each time. Perhaps Monday would be a good time to start so I can get myself into a regimen from the get go. It's possible that maybe that's one area that I'm facing some resistance.

Another part where I'm facing some resistance is that I'm still having some issues with shyness around women, and looking them in the eye and the like. It's not like a crippling anxiety but more of a stubborn reluctance. It's still fear based however. But I have faith it'll get better overtime.