Andrei's DMSI 3.1 Journal

[Andrei]

I wish my hournal to be real; having patience for 3 days for the website to be up.
Reading peoples journals brings tears of happines to my eyes.

Come on with the website!!! Make me happy today (trows money at screen).

[Andrei]

Wow, website working, my wish came true in like 5 min of posting the above. Need to get dressed and go to the bank.

[Andrei]

Day 1: Bought DMSI earlier this day and listening to it right now.

Hybdrid: Feeling lightheaded, a tad short of breath and my heart seems to beat slower. Don't know if it's the sub or just auto-sugestion. Sleept 3hours last night, maybe that's it.

P.S: deleted all AM5/6 from my comp & phone. Yeap, I pirated, this is how I discovered Shannon.

[Andrei]

My usual take is 2xHybrid (TS), listening around 17:00-19:00, moderate to high volume.

Day 1: When playing the sub I have the feeling like someone is chasing me. That feeling of a prework mix before the gym. A little raise in hearth rate and that feeling of uneasiness. Also my first out of body experience on the sub (stood on my chair and felt that my spirit was falling, or I couldn't hold it in). Mild elevated body temperature, maybe placebo.

Day 2: Same feeling when playing the sub, like someone is chasing me, elevated heart rate. Again, the spirit falling part but a little weaker this time. Mild elevated body temperature, maybe placebo.

Day 3: Seems that I need to sleep more than 7h. Woke up very tired. The need for food hasn't increased yet, but a moment through the day where I felt I could sleep on chairs. The feeling of unease while listening to sub has decreased. No temperature increase while / after sub. Hit the gym today with 65% of max focus / power.

Overall feelings: positive, happy, confident, looking for solutions. No dreams, I sleep like a rock.

[Andrei]

Note to self: days = number of times the track was listen.

Day 3: Woke up with some strange dream; I had a 18ish points "to do" list and was running like crazy to complete them. I had a sense of urgency but the vibe was "happy". Fell back to sleep.

Some goosebumps on whole body but hey, I am listening to DOOM soundtrack, what can I expect.

[Andrei]

Day 4: 2x Hybrid TS; nothing mentionable, except... beeing angry at my self regarding some past dramas.

Day 5: 4x TS, medium volume (currently running).

[Andrei]

Day 5: My last relationship keeps controlling part of my toughts. I literaly woke up this morning thinking of her and with a mad sensation of "how you could be so stupid" in these past 2 days. The feeling is like a insationable rage towards yourself.

I fucked it up, badly. I was a train wreck just 1 month ago; having toughts of just ending this all sharade once and for all but I was too pussy to do it.

Sub is working ? No clue, but the rage din't come from nowhere; maybe my mind is working digging up from my pussy BETA self, I realy don't know. But for sure, I wanna give myself a parental slap more than anything else.

Now, what I can tell for sure is this:
My mother, which is the main devil in my behavior (single mom, controlling, man pigs & stupid and all that bullshit, she managed to raise the perfect BETA with all her good intentions) she is (well, was) the BIGGEST TRIGGER in my life.
Guess how calm was I today when she screamed at me ? Guess how cool my response was, blood froze in my veins; in the past I would have flipped the freakin table.
This isn't the first day in the past month when I am able to keep my cool, I am surprised of ... >me<

What helped me, well....AM 6 first stage (pirated, eh...) and maybe these few days of DMSI 3.1.
DMSI, do what you have to do; I am a fine jewel left in the dust.

[Andrei]

Day 5: 2xHybrid TS; I'll stick to the instructions in the future.

[Andrei]

Day 9 - 10: Always just 2 loops.

Memories where I fck up keep popping in my head, they appear random through the day. Some of them bring a small amount of tears, some of them bring anger but on the surface I look prety calm.

The past few days a strange fenomenon seems to appear. How to describe it....
Waves of energy on my back, I cannot keep the energy constant, I feel it like a wave.

This usualy happend through my life when I get a strong emotional response to situations (dog beying hurt, homeless people, universe, stillness); maybe once or twice per month. You know, it's like chiken skin, shivers.

In the past 4-5 days, I feel that I can summon those waves at command, they aren't as strong as when they go by themselves (not beying summoned) but still. It's wierd, it's somewhat fun. Well see what it is, but never ever did I tought about this thing or trying to feel those shivers willingly.

The shivers don't seem to influence anything and they don't seem to be powerful, they are simply "there". To summon them I imagine gaining energy from the ground (doesn't matter where I am) and powering up, I also reimagine the "anger" which I had and felt in the first 2 days (it's a good type of anger, it's like predatory anger, animalistic - a word and a feeling to describe it) ; and the shivers start from the back of my spine towards my neck. Placebo or not, hey, there you go, "new feature" for silly human .

2 days ago feelt my forearms burning, maybe placebo (read on another journal), that's why I am skeptical of mentioning it.

[Andrei]

Day 13, or so...: Running .flac x 2 always (trying hybrid but keep hearing some crackling noises which aren't present in masked)

Nothing unusual. The waves of energy seem stronger.
I am now more aware of my position, how I move in space, posture, walking. Can be atributed to DMSI or just me living too much on this forum and reading journals.
A tad bolder with my chances regarding girls, again, I don't know if it's the sub or not, that's why most of the things I just don't mention BUT:

- (litteraly surprised myself doing wierd handshakes, not my style) random handshakes with me smiling and also touching the shoulder of whom I shook hand with

- visited a family here which I din't know (my parents , friends with them)
- they have a ... well, 4 doughters
- doughter came down
- in 10 min I moved next to her; spoke for like 30-45 min, time flew by, we had to leave; had a good time.

Would have I Done this 2 months ago ? aaaaa, probably, big big maybe; but definetly not that open and playful.

Toughts these days:
Yeah, mom fucked me, school fucked me, not having a dad fucked me, my ex ripped me apart. Their fault ? No, well yes, fuck it, doesn't matter.
So I can cry like a pussy that I am under my blanked and masturbate at kitty porn which will end up with me marrying a low par girl with daddy issues, she'll get fat, I will cheat on her and my life will end up looking like shit.

Or, I can press stop, past is past, mom's are mom's, no matter how fucked up they are, heal, move forward, realise that everything starting from yesterday depended on me and thank *insert diety here* that I woke up and become to STRONGEST VERSION of what I NEED TO BE. Get a(or more) decent submissive girl which will know she's a woman and wet herself at the sound of my footsteps.
But for that .... that needs a man, and men are hard to find these days. They are usualy formed.

PS: Haven't fapped from 06 this month, that's 11 days. If I see a breast I will blow the load in my pants.

[Andrei]

Day 16 or so:
Who cares about DMSI, 2 weeks (6th this month) since "scoring" alone. Holy fucking SHIT. This is the first time since I discovered I have a dick and can get up.

To explain in plain terms, I have a very high drive in bed. I simply transform and leave the human part at the door if I like her. I become the most primal beeing without me wanting.

That's my problem, I connected with my EX at the most primal level which is deep imbeded in my core. She was my match in bed; not sex literaly, like that connection, raw, pure, passion. I fuck like a God, she was my submissive servant in bed. Ready to welcome me and give her self with whole her beeing (no, its not about oral / anal). That's why she derailed me so hard.

While in vertical position, she was the most moody bitchy woman (I belive that she was testing the shit out of me).
Once at horizontal, a different story.

Masturbation is quite different, its night and day compared to what's in my soul. I feed on my partener's energy once we engage. I feel, I connect. If I care and like what I see, I become raw, pure, basic and the sex is on another level.

Last month ago I tought "She is pure but she lost her ways" (I also did my share of mistakes, fair is fair).
This month "Yo Andrei, you're white knighting". I think I don't have to say more than this.

There's no damsel in distress, whoever wants to follow, I lead. I begin to pursue what's inside me.

On the DMSI side of things:
No idea, still no pussy. Well, if that's the goal.
What I can tell is that I am more nice to my mom, I let things "slip" and I know when I am doing it; but I pause when I don't tolerate shit, pause... and let it slip. I am not aggressive like I used to, I am more clam and more "aware"; let's say that its some sort of whisdom. Maybe I pamper my self too much, I let shit slip for the sake of ... she's old you know, certain age, maybe she'll live 20 years more; its my responsability now since I am more aware.

[Andrei]

100% Truth:
/For Shannon/

3 months ago I was crying. My soul was ripped apart. Was the most purest and basic form of sorrow, pain in my soul and torment. I spent my next month like this. Please imagine crying my self to sleep at least 10 days in that month; please also imagine crying random, out of the sky, in the street, in the coorner of that fence, down the alley or on that wierd looking bench because I din't wanted to go home.
I live with my parents since I moved here. My mother feeling my pain was crying next to me, 4 or 5 times in that month, she could feel the pain of her soon and she din't know how to "make it right". It was too much even for her, she could understand that form of pain. Even talking about this is making my eyes wet. It wasn't pain my friend (pain is sharp, it fucking end at some point), it was ammounts of sorrow which I din't understand or hope to comprehend before.

I am far far away from fixed my friend. I pirated AM6, listen to stage 1 for one month, close to night and day, was pushing for 18-21 hours / day. I feel sorry that I've used your work and I thank you for it.
My following choice was DMSI or buy stage 1. Bought DMSI and my next program to buying is AM6 or 7 depending on when I finish DMSI (I have a feeling its a different breed than "here, listen to A for the next 30 days").

I won't say you saved a life, I will say you've dramaticaly changed the course of a random soul on this planet with your work. I will see that payment of what's owed is done.

Only getting ME out of the sorrow I was in its worth 400 AUD.
Pussy...oh well, I have a feeling that I shouldn't worry.

[Andrei]

Day - I don't remember / 1 month and 2 weeks into the version A

Changes:
a) flashbacks ... weeping / crying. Letting go of my past. Different situations pop up in my mind, situations isn't enough said, they're more like situations + visions + feeling and the kitchen sink; things that WERE in the past, they bring tears and seems that I am able to let go but I have a feeling that I am fighting tooth and nail because same situation comes over and over and over.

b) I am flirty as fuck; I am doing a lot of mistakes when flirting but I am not taking myself so seriously. In most situations I make witty comments.

c) my forearms are burning at night; I am not sure if it's 100% from DMSI A.

[Andrei]

Day - who keeps count anymore. Ver A, never changed. Always 2 loops.

2 month or a tad more since I bought DMSI. The changes, holy sh*t... where to start.
First of all, a disclaimer. Not all the things that changed me, that represent change in me are not DMSI related but the DMSI sparked the ignition towards a certain direction.

Positives
- my face has changed, I am brighter, more beautiful, more peaceful
- flirty as fuck, over the top, cocky, hot headed. Some of my commets are received well (man or woman) some of them are not, usualy 70% are well received. Told a 7/10 working at a High End Accounting company "I will see you again next time....if you're lucky enough" - holy crap, that isn't the old me.
- positives vibes; I am recharging in the sun, I am bouncing back in stressful situations in matters of minutes
- my tolerance to BS / rude attitude is increased, I brush things which would have upset me hard
- I can boil eggs under my arms at night with the energy spikes in my body
- I am more ... how to say it, some doors into my inner self have opened.

The bad:
- din't exercised mch ion the gym since I found work. Maybe 1-2 per week. Why ? Well, I am pushing for 12-13 hours daily, waking up at 5 AM, coming back at 6-7 PM and lets say that I am kind of "out". I am working in a warehouse; moving packages and this kind of drains me.
I am trying to get a better job, but DMSI and this job had put me into a good path (even if I am broke now) - never dreamt to drive an Audi even SH.