Ampers&d: The Year of the Alpha (Male 6.0)

[Ampersnd]

I had a great dream that could've ended well if it wouldn't have stopped. I dreamed that I pulled these two girls to my bed; One was a bit bigger, but curvy and had huge tits, the other a bit skinnier and had good curves too. They were both ready to go, but the condoms kept falling off, so I lost my momentum and woke up.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 13,

Got up, went to work, got home, cooked dinner, met with my sex partner, and we fed each other. I couldn't stop smelling her, and the sex was pretty wild and animalistic. I got off within 5 minutes of penetration.

We went for round 2 soon after, but I couldn't get off. We went for hot chocolate, went back, and had round 3, but still couldn't get off, though I was really turned on. We stopped and she went home. We're much more affectionate and cuddly, but we're still very sexual.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 14,

Didn't sleep that well, but woke up fine. But I was feeling that lack of energy throughout the day. After the day was done, I finished the pMemory lesson (on to Lesson 46 now), did my singing, hit the gym hard.

A couple of girls I know were there; the conversations were good. On my way out, I was going to say bye to the one, and she was in the middle of an intense treadmill run, so she told me, wheezing: "I can't talk". I believe that.

Anyways, off to bed.

[SargeMaximus]

On my way out, I was going to say bye to the one, and she was in the middle of an intense treadmill run, so she told me, wheezing: "I can't talk". I believe that.

Don't know why, but I like this.

[Ampersnd]

@SargeMaximus: heh; when I first spoke with her that day, I mentioned: "I keep seeing your face around the area, but I'm never 100% sure it's you", and she goes: "Oh! I wear a beige coat! I look like a construction worker walking around". She clearly wants me to talk to her if I see her. We had a good text message chat today. Probably not going to sleep with her, but she respects me to some extent.

Stage 3, Day 15,

Day at work. I'm getting worse at giving interviews; probably because there are new nuances to the job. I'm finding new motivation to becoming really good with women, but I'm not totally bought in quite yet. I have a few months to cultivate that.

Gym was intense, did pMemory and singing exercises today. A decent day, but I need to get some sleep. I Facebook chatted with the Italian girl for the other day, and told her that I want to grab coffee with her. She agreed right away, though she's busy with uni this week. She's open for next week.

[SargeMaximus]

Cool shit, yo.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 16,

Longer day at work; almost 9 hours instead of usual 8. No gym, so I did pMemory, but didn't do singing today.

Gonna do some guitar before bed. Nothing major to report.

EDIT: Besides this; I'm starting to see clients who have a handful of excuses for their problems. Why don't they just do the right thing? I'm also starting to realize what the right path to success is; applying small lessons with plenty of action. Reading 10 books won't make you a real expert at guitar, singing, women, financial success; you have to apply things. Get a coach if you have to, but don't get caught up in the trap of learning about it if you're in the position to act.

Back to clients; they already know what they have to do, but they won't do it. This leads me to believe that I have little competition, since even my competitors will make themselves soft with cyclical thinking and justification. People are pretty soft without any psychological pressure; it seems that the greatest killer isn't poverty or class oppression; it's living a life that's comfortable. This life is just comfortable enough that it won't be unbearable and compel action.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 17,

Work was draining; I was very meek and unable to speak clearly a large portion of the time. Later in the day, I began to become depressed and lost a feeling of hope. This must be the programming; I've felt that this stage wasn't doing a whole lot.

I'm mildly worried about what will become of my life; I had a pretty hard realization that I'll die someday, and that I should do and achieve the things I want before I die, or else I might as well just kill myself lol.

I want the six month internship to be over so that I can start working on my life. And I'm also wishing that life will be kind to me in spite of my best efforts.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 18,

I think this is where the Alpha Male programming is starting to peak through, but in its opposite form; the way I address people always varies, the volume of my voice varies, my opinions vary, my posture varies, my thoughts on the future vary. In a way, I pussy foot and try to not offend. On the other hand, I say things that are just a bit off the wall, that wind up adding conflict (according to my perception of things).

I'm still doing that 'tall guy sometimes not trying to take up space' act. My emotions flare up at times, for the dumbest reasons. I've been fortunate to have that 2nd person perspective, where for a brief moment, I can see myself realistically, as well as clarity on my shortcomings. Those instances are rare and invaluable, so I'm glad they pop up.

I'm also glad that I'm not all that satisfied with my current career path, because comfort will be less likely to keep me there for longer than it should.

Very difficult songs on guitar are incredibly easy, if I stop and compare myself to the average guitarist. My voice has been set back a bit, which happens from time to time.

But I have great hope for my future, for these reasons:

1) I've been utterly consistent with pMemory and gym, barring the exceptional. In pMemory, I'm done with the 49th lesson, and I'll be done the 7th of April, if all goes well. With the gym, I've put on 10 lbs of muscle in the last 3 months. I look like a completely different person. This proves to me that if I focus only on two things outside of work, I can totally rock at it.
2) Soon, my side project will be music primarily, then sexual presence as the other. If I develop consistency in those, I'll be on track for the start of my musical success, and setting a foundation for success with women.
3) Once I have a side project that involves either social life or dating life, and I get big success in either of those, that will give me enormous confidence, as it breaks a chain that goes back to my childhood. I'll truly understand that the past has no power over me, and I'll be able to focus on the future. This will probably be a project on the July - September quarter.
4) I'll eventually be buying 'Become a Multi-Millionaire', and a program by Tom Hess that has rave reviews on becoming an independent musician.

Quarter 1 is spilling partway into April, so I'm postponing Quarter 2 until I finish the 12 week trap workout. It might wind up becoming 3 'periods', like in hockey; 3 x 4 months each. Probably not.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 19,

My day off. I spent a bunch of time watching videos and eating junk. Did all the stuff I wanted to do, and even went for dinner with a friend.

I realized that dating women and social life have something in common, and it's how I manage anxiety, stress, and how I generate charisma, storytell, joke, relate, etc.

I think one of the tools I could use during my next quarter will include noFap, as well as finding a sex partner in the next town in order to let off some steam.

So to build onto my side project in the second quarter:
- NoFap
- Key Sound (Sexual Meditation) & Energy Circulation
- Reading into male-female sexual dynamics
- Using new pMemory skills to memorize books on improving myself in this area

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 20,

I woke up earlier than usual on Sunday; I actually went to a place of prayer, because my friend from out of town was going there, and leaving town soon after. I stuck to my word and went. After a few moments with his friends, I realized that I signed up for a whole lot. Won't go into detail, but it gave me insight into psychology and group think.

The whole thing was a hoot; the girl next to me passed out; I was going to go for help, and the friend said: "Oh, she does this often". The girl came to and didn't want help either. I had to leave early to catch the bus to work, and I didn't even get to talk with my friend. Needless to say, I won't be returning.

At my paid work, it's my second to last day. My last day is two weeks from now. I starting to get pretty attracted to this one woman at my work. I have a feeling that once I'm done at my job, I could grab a drink with her, and maybe take her to bed.

I get home, cook a little something, and have my sex partner coming over. She wasn't willing to have penetrative sex because she's on her period, but she was willing to give oral, which went well, barring a little mishap. She got a little emotional afterward, considering that I'm leaving town in about a month, but it was more due to the fact that I made a comment about how 'shes a keeper.. for about four weeks'. I made sure that she felt understood, but I understood it's also period-talk. I felt like a real man dealing with that in a mature way.

I completed lesson 51 of pMemory. Only 8 days left.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 21,

I was almost late for work; I had to grab a cab to make it on time. It threw me off for my interview, but after a cup of coffee, I was able to do the next two interviews really well. I think I'll have to start drinking coffee. My day was cut short because my boss was sick, so she went home. I organized some things and went home myself.

Took a nap, and thank goodness; I helped out an old friend for the exam portion of his seminar; I was there for 4.5 hours, taking time and making sure that we stuck to a structure. I still feel enough energy to make it through, but I had to consecrate gym and pMemory today. It's okay; I'll pick it up tomorrow.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 22,

I'm starting coffee as a habit now, it's helping me at work. I'm definitely improving, but it's hard to notice it in the moment.

I got a pretty hard core hit of reality; no matter what I do, no matter how much money I make, no matter what skills I unlock or accomplishments I attain, I'm going to eventually hit 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 years old.

My youth will go away, and it's not just that I'm going to die (that's something I've come to terms with), but the new component to this realization is that my youth, strength, attractiveness is, at some point, going to go away, and possibly stay that way for a long period of time before I finally die. If I get used to having open and casual relationships with 10/10 women, they may slowly start disappearing. If I have a bunch of energy now, it will go away. Who knows what I want when I'm 50, so the specifics aren't the main cause of worry.

When I think about my life in that way, I now HAVE to get a handle on the crucial elements of my life that have been lacking for all of my life, WHILE I'M YOUNG. The few areas that I feel a need to improve drastically are:

1) Style; I dress OK, and this is the least urgent area for me. But I want to dress well

2) Social circle; I want to connect with people, and make friends quickly

3) Women; I'm in my early 20s; If I don't learn how to connect deeply and have sex with HOT tamale women in this decade, it might become increasingly difficult, though I believe that it's easier in the 30s if you have the right skills. I can't start learning this stuff in my 60s.

4) Money; I need to learn how to create money on my own, independently, and in large quantities

5) Life Purpose; I intend on becoming obnoxiously famous in this lifetime; it's part of the life purpose I've created for myself. This involves building character and a strong identity over top of my current self. It involves mastering my musical abilities and translating the value to other people in large quantities.

YES! A sense of urgency! That helps me focus on the goal, meaning I'll do much more to get it done!

I'm edging towards the next quarter side-projects and checklists. My music side-project involves:

i) Singing and guitar practice
ii) Relearning previously learned songs and learning new songs with pMemory
iii) Learning about my current music pedals and building entire songs with loops and effects. Learn the presets with pMemory
iv) Learning about stage presence
v) Learn enough music theory to improvise

This stage is doing something, but not what I was expecting it to do.

[stratos]

The older you get the more other dudes die or fall off the market in various ways. 30's and 40's and on you're king of the dating hill, you will almost pity women for how many options you have and how few they have.

That being said the payoff of investing in anything in your 20's is much greater than down the line.