Ampers&d: The Year of the Alpha (Male 6.0)

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 5,

I woke up, and I didn't want to get up. My left arm started to feel tingly. Then, my left pectoral muscle felt funny, and my left bicep felt weird a little bit too, in a way I've never felt before. I got out of bed, and my vision started becoming a bit shaky, then I started to panic. Isn't this what a heart attack feels like? Since I wasn't 100% sure, and I wasn't willing to call an ambulance without being sure, I headed down to the walk-in clinic.

This has been the second time this week where I cry in front of others. I was really worried in the waiting room, to the point where I asked a guy to swap 'take-a-number' tickets with the guy next to me. I really appreciated that. I got checked out right away, and beyond high blood pressure (stressed out in the moment), I was fine. The doctor asked about stress, and I told him about the internship. I also dreaded the fact that I had to call my parents that day to tell them the news. I walked out and thanked the guy. I walked home feeling like a dummy.

I called my dad, and told him about the internship. He was shocked, and then he took my side and is helping me form a case to fight it.

Since things were fine, I decided to hit the gym. I was still able to lift more, but I've lost weight because of the stress this week (haven't eaten as much).

I then did my singing warmup. After that, laundry, and I watched Terminator for the first time. Then, I attended an event near my home. I had a great convo with this guy, and we could become good friends. On the way out, I starting talking with this very cute Italian girl, and she was happy to keep chatting me up. I want to take her out to that open mic I'm doing.

I'm feeling a sex drive, but I haven't been masturbating; I want to cum in a woman's pussy. I want to connect to women deeply, and make love to them deeply.
Speaking of which, I finally have a celebrity crush: Annie Wershing (dear lawd she's so attractive to me). I'm a sucker for redheads.
And Diosa Canales. Not so much a crush, but a deep lust. Anyways, too much information.

[Leo1990]

Maybe a letter from a lawyer might fix it?

I always hear that does the trick here in the US when someone decides to pick on you for unfair reasons.

[SargeMaximus]

You had a panic/anxiety attack. Happens to me a lot lol. I've learned to recognize the signs but it can definitely be scary and you think you are legitimately going to die. Hang in there buddy, failing a course at school isn't the end of the road. You could become a pick up artist or whatever. There are loads of options. You're young and stuff.

[Ricardo]

You had a panic/anxiety attack. Happens to me a lot lol. I've learned to recognize the signs but it can definitely be scary and you think you are legitimately going to die. Hang in there buddy, failing a course at school isn't the end of the road. You could become a pick up artist or whatever. There are loads of options. You're young and stuff.

Hate to say it but the former Corporal is right on this. Sometimes things in life don't work out how you want them or expect them to. You are still young and have loads of time to decide what you want to do. Your ideas will change many times as you get older. Things that were hugely life changingly serious when I was your age are just a laugh now. I know it's no consolation right now but hang in there and keep doing what you feel to be right and you will get there.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 6,

People looked at me quite differently, not sure if that's positive or negative. I felt deflated and demotivated, though I did well at work.
Worked, and time flew by. My work friends could sense that I was down, and did what they could to support me. That was the paradox; I'm not sure if everyone else got the same sense.

I've spent the night writing up that email to fight back against what I consider to be an unfair assessment of my skills (internship).

My next internship begins tomorrow, and I'm anxious to see if my commute there is alright/if my boss is nice.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 7,

Had trouble sleeping, woke up 'fine'. Went to my new internship; my new boss is way nicer (genuinely) than my first one. I've set up a meeting time and place for my professor to talk about the first internship.

My first day at work was very draining, since there's so much new input. I couldn't focus on pMemory, but I hit the gym and did my singing warmup. I have to be more prepared for my open mic coming up.

Bed time.

[Geodude]

If I saw you in real life, I'd give you a bro hug. I'm literally in the same boat as you. You have a stark advantage over your "competition" (I put in competition in quotations as it doesn't actually exist.) as you have subliminals.

Just let go of all this shit. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. You will inevitably die. What if this experience is a launch pad for you to start your own business or something? One thing I've realized is that if you let go of everything, shit will just come to you. For example, I went to this party and talked to this dude for like 5 minutes. Turns out he's in this awesome company that was really in need with someone with my skills. He explained how everyone there will like me and how laid back everyone is. It was pretty cool. He insisted that I work there. Wouldn't leave me alone about it.

Another time, I was working as a waiter at Pizza Hut. (Yeah I know. lol) and this dude INSISTS that I work at the nearby power plant with him. He and his fellow manager said, "We will hire you right now. PLEASE work there!" Note: I have literally no experience in that kind of work, so I politely declined. The dude came back over a series of months with his family and friends and would not stop insisting it. I went out to eat and that dude came up to me AGAIN and insisted I work there. In retrospect, I wish I would've at least tried it. They make serious bank there.

Regardless, I promise that you will come out on top.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 8,

So tired that I mislabel the wrong stage number. Today, I worked with the same lady, but at a different location. Had to figure out buses. Something about new habits that are simply exhausting. This is a new day-long habit, so every new decision and thought means extra work on the brain. I hit a very heavy dip in energy about 3 times during the day. Too intense and mentally draining to be able to focus on pMemory for more than 5 seconds at a time. It takes 6 seconds to form a proper connection. I'm not even putting the 30 seconds it takes to take statistics of my daily exercises. Being de-motivated sucks.

By the end of the week, I'll have stretched myself enough to be able to treat clients with a certain level of proficiency. By next week, my energy levels will sustain, and then I can focus on increasing the amount of topics and fine-tuning my approach.

Gym was pretty great; lifting well, getting big. I saw a girl that I haven't seen since last summer. She's really cool, and though she's got a boyfriend, we make some good conversation. Plus, she actually seems to want me there. And she's got these very nice big sexy legs that she's built up through leg exercises. We chatted a few times throughout my exercise session.

Something I didn't mention yesterday; I'm starting to become disgusted with myself for not knowing the skills to attract women. Not a logical thing, but the feeling is there nonetheless. I also feel cheated for not being taught these skills, which come so easily to others.

@Geodude; Thanks man. I've thought about that, and it opens my time up, more specifically, my year opens up. However, it's the only thing left before being done this chapter of my life for good. I'd just want it to be over with.

Then again, I hear of Brad Pitt deliberately dropping out of college with 1 semester left. Or all the college drop-outs that go on to be extremely successful.

But this subliminal has certainly given me some extra perks each stage I use. So I'll keep listening.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 9,

Later day of work, and I'm not as tired, since I got a good night's sleep. Doing pMemory has gotten easier, but I'm still on the same lesson. It's been a bit over a week on the same lesson.

I get home, and I saw my mom for diner. She was fuming about the internship, but besides that, things were good. I squeezed in a final practice session of my two songs for tomorrow. Hopefully, I will do well tomorrow.

Generally, I'm now pretty soft-soften. That might change.

[robstar]

Stage 3, Day 5,

I woke up, and I didn't want to get up. My left arm started to feel tingly. Then, my left pectoral muscle felt funny, and my left bicep felt weird a little bit too, in a way I've never felt before. I got out of bed, and my vision started becoming a bit shaky, then I started to panic. Isn't this what a heart attack feels like? Since I wasn't 100% sure, and I wasn't willing to call an ambulance without being sure, I headed down to the walk-in clinic.

This has been the second time this week where I cry in front of others. I was really worried in the waiting room, to the point where I asked a guy to swap 'take-a-number' tickets with the guy next to me. I really appreciated that. I got checked out right away, and beyond high blood pressure (stressed out in the moment), I was fine. The doctor asked about stress, and I told him about the internship. I also dreaded the fact that I had to call my parents that day to tell them the news. I walked out and thanked the guy. I walked home feeling like a dummy.

I called my dad, and told him about the internship. He was shocked, and then he took my side and is helping me form a case to fight it.

Since things were fine, I decided to hit the gym. I was still able to lift more, but I've lost weight because of the stress this week (haven't eaten as much).

I then did my singing warmup. After that, laundry, and I watched Terminator for the first time. Then, I attended an event near my home. I had a great convo with this guy, and we could become good friends. On the way out, I starting talking with this very cute Italian girl, and she was happy to keep chatting me up. I want to take her out to that open mic I'm doing.

I'm feeling a sex drive, but I haven't been masturbating; I want to cum in a woman's pussy. I want to connect to women deeply, and make love to them deeply.
Speaking of which, I finally have a celebrity crush: Annie Wershing (dear lawd she's so attractive to me). I'm a sucker for redheads.
And Diosa Canales. Not so much a crush, but a deep lust. Anyways, too much information.

I highly recommend not cumming in a woman's pussy unless you know she has one of the implants.. Just not worth the risk, when all they have to do is forget to take the pill properly.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 10,

@robstar Yeah I know; are you talking about a diaphragm? I'm fine with doing that even with a condom.

I woke up JUST in time to grab my things and grab the bus on time. I'm glad I made it there on time.
Work flew by, as I had to leave early to make two visits related to my school. It seems that they'll investigate and they'll look into my internship's boss. Things can turn out quite well, as I'll just have to do a few weeks after my last internship.

After I get home, I ate and warmed up for an open mic. Anyways, the time came, and I was quite nervous (I was off my A-game), so I was a bit shaky and anxious. But the songs came out well. It got a lot of applause. I need to work on re-memorizing my songs list and to learn new ones. This might help me with my confidence on stage. That and doing it more and more.

I finally finished a very tricky pMemory lesson. I'm moving on to the next lesson.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 11,

I'm on track to do very well on my internship; I heard it from my boss herself.
The people at work seem to have taken a liking to me; after a week, I feel like I'm becoming one of them.

I've reached the end of the week, so I'm a bit lazier. Hung out with some friends, playing GTA5 before going over to the gym, and I also finished did a pMemory exercise today.

I reached out to my sex partner, and we're going to meet on Sunday. I'm feeling a different type of horniness than I'm used to; not intense, just stable and present. I'm just seeing things in women that really get me going, like their smell (perfume and pheromones), their hair their tummy, their breasts, their ass. Things I just want to bury my face into and kiss all over. Mmm.

I saw three different women that I'd really want to talk to, but all three were extremely inconvenient (example: I would have had to get off my bus part-way through to talk to one of these girls). The only downside is that my success rate is very low, so I've gotten discouraged before even trying. It seems that in my town that most attractive girls have boyfriends. Like mentioned before, another portion of the year will be dedicated to improving and deepening my relationships with women.

[robstar]

Stage 3, Day 10,

@robstar Yeah I know; are you talking about a diaphragm? I'm fine with doing that even with a condom.

I woke up JUST in time to grab my things and grab the bus on time. I'm glad I made it there on time.
Work flew by, as I had to leave early to make two visits related to my school. It seems that they'll investigate and they'll look into my internship's boss. Things can turn out quite well, as I'll just have to do a few weeks after my last internship.

After I get home, I ate and warmed up for an open mic. Anyways, the time came, and I was quite nervous (I was off my A-game), so I was a bit shaky and anxious. But the songs came out well. It got a lot of applause. I need to work on re-memorizing my songs list and to learn new ones. This might help me with my confidence on stage. That and doing it more and more.

I finally finished a very tricky pMemory lesson. I'm moving on to the next lesson.

Nah I was talking about the implants they can get that work more effectively as birth control than the pill. Forgive me, I thought you were talking bareback.

[Ampersnd]

@robstar: not a problem. Just the term 'implant' threw me off; do you mean the IUD (inter-uterine device)? Where they put a little hormone patch inside a woman's uterus to keep her sterile.

Stage 3, Day 12,

Great day off; slept in. Took my time with everything. Lifting more than ever (topped my 3-rep max for deadlift = 315lbs)

Did a pMemory lesson today, did my singing, guitar, ate junk food. Watched a bunch of YouTube videos. I realize how fast a day can fly by when you procrastinate. Saturdays are the days where I give myself the least amount of structure, responsibilities and accountability, as long as I get the few daily activities that I've set out for myself.