Ampers&d: The Year of the Alpha (Male 6.0)

[Ampersnd]

Stage 1, Day 13,

Was the most depressed this afternoon. Many titubant feelings. But I went to the gym and hit it hard. And I look different in the mirror.

@inconceivablezen: I'm already doing some Dual N-Back for free, which seems to be what High IQ Pro is selling at a price.

[Inconceivablezen]

No, it has more in it to score higher on IQ tests. But you don't need it anyway!

[Ampersnd]

Stage 1, Day 14,

Met with a musician friend, which I had met about 1 year ago.
My skills have improved, but his are pretty marvelous. It always inspires me when I meet with other people who are better than me. I know what to work on next.

After 3 hours of time with someone like that, my brain is exhausted, and I couldn't focus on my reading. Oh well

[Ampersnd]

Stage 1, Day 16,

Went to a funeral for my uncle; not quite a ceremony, but the ashes were there, and we had a few moments of silence. It was rather upbeat. The death was easy to take, since he had a tendency to eat the wrong foods.

I've generally lost the will to talk, unless I completely have to. Not at all social. Very inward and introverted. Played terribly at the market today.

The women caught my eye, however. But I'm unsure how to act.

[Ampersnd]

Overwhelmingly negative; angry about everything.

[Ampersnd]

Mood swings still present; I bought 'The Ultramind Solution' to see if I can't tackle this issue holistically once the emotional resistance has cleared. This book deals with nutritional and hormonal issues to get well-being.

Motivation still low for most of my crucial activities; but I have motivation to hit the gym hard, for some reason.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 1, Day 21,

A streak of bad nights of sleep.
It didn't make me so much tired as much as it affecting my busking performance. I'm still 100% guitar, no real desire to sing.

My guitar playing started out sloppy, and I played maybe 1.75 hours. Near the end, the money starts pouring in, I start playing better, and I seem to click with cute girls. At the very end, this mid-30 year old looking asian woman (who sat and watched the entire 1.75 hours) drops a pack of gum and a bracelet in my case. Cool.

I take a closer look at the pack of gum, and there's folded up money... 3 x 20$ and 1 x 5$! 65$! Cool.

But, there was also a card for an 'upscale quality massage service'. LOL seems like she paid me enough money to get a rub and tug. Oh well, hope she doesn't miss that money.
Added all together, and I made 120$!!

Gotta practice more.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 1, Day 23,

Whatever power is, I feel the opposite of it. And I mean this quite literally, in the form of physical weakness.

It was raining when I was busking, but I hooked up an umbrella to my backpack, and I got a makeshift cover. Couldn't play to save my life, since my grip strength felt like half of what it normally was.

Packing up to move out to a friends out. I will live there for 5 days.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 1, Day 28,

I'm such a neutral mofo, but I'm very self-deprecating. According to me, everything I do sucks, including my language abilities, musical abilities, social skills, etc.

I graduate from my Bachelor's program tomorrow. Don't know where I'll take it. I move back to my parent's immediately afterwards.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 2, Day 1

I'm feeling inspired, but not in a focused way.
Today, I went for a run, I learned my flashcards, I read up on my field, I spent time learning Algebra on Khan Academy, I listened to Italian radio, and I sent one job application (I graduated 3 days ago).

I haven't practiced guitar or voice today, and I've spent hours playing video games and watching senseless YouTube clips (at least it was Justicar, a very smart guy).

This is a big improvement on yesterday, but I'm not connected to what I want long-term, and I don't have any motivation in the tank to try to accomplish it.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 2, Day 11,

Wrote something long and elaborate a few days ago, but I accidentally deleted it. Here goes..

My days are MUCH more productive. Beating GTA 5 helped lol. Gosh, I love being productive.

Here's a brief list of what I'm doing:
- I've been applying to any and all titled positions that I can. I'm accredited in this position, it takes a 4 year degree to do what I do, and there's such a small amount of people in my field, which means that it's taken with more weight, even though I'm entry level.
- Doing my singing warmups most days.
- I practice guitar at least two hours a day.
- Signed up for the gym three days ago. Went twice. Hurt my shoulder, albeit not irreparably, today while doing an overhead triceps extension. My right shoulder seemed to dislocate (double-jointed) while the weight was above and behind me, and so I lost all strength in my right arm. The weight was coming down in a way that it wasn't supposed to. I stopped there to prevent any further damage.
- I spend time on Khan Academy, learning Algebra. I want to eventually learn Calculus, but I don't exactly know to what ends (possibly mental masturbation)
- I do my language flashcards (Italian and Spanish)
- I spend time on LingQ, a language learning website. I'm making great progress.

My newest pet project is the learning of the Trivium, which literally means 'The Three-Way (Tri) Path (Via)'. It's composed of Grammar, Logic, and Rhetoric, in that order. Successfully learning these skills allows one to look at the world in a more fair and objective way, permitting one to gather knowledge in any given subject whilst being able to discern to true from the untrue. In short, it's the holy grail of knowledge that teaches you how to learn.

The step after that is the Quadrivium, composed of Arithmetic, Music, Geometry, and Astrology. They are realms to explore once you have formed to proper framework to hold the new information to scrutiny.

I've spent some time learning Grammar today. I've also signed up to an online course in logic and grammar.

[apollolux]

I want to eventually learn Calculus, but I don't exactly know to what ends (possibly mental masturbation)

As someone who's had to take Calculus as a requirement for my computer science degree, I would recommend that if you don't actually need it in a profession you are in or plan to be in don't waste your time. While it gives you a basis in the theory behind why certain maths are the way they are (like limits and why infinity is not a number), the practical uses of Calculus are extremely limited outside of very specific skill sets (why would someone need to know the area between two curves outside of certain STEM jobs, for example) and generally not worth the headache.

[dissonance]

Calculus? What?? fuck that shit man, lmao. But that's just me

[Ampersnd]

@dissonance LOL

You ever feel highly compelled to do things for no particular reason? At times, it's as if I'm possessed to do these things. I almost have no choice but to throw myself if these fields to make the inner voice go away.

"That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. So I ran to the end of the road. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd run to the end of town. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd just run across Greenbow County. And I figured, since I run this far, maybe I'd just run across the great state of Alabama. And that's what I did. I ran clear across Alabama. For no particular reason I just kept on going. I ran clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. When I got to another ocean, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going." - Forrest Gump

I know exactly why the fields are important to me (hint: it relates to the purpose I hope to fulfill in 25+ years), but I'm surprised that I have the motivation I do.