Alpha to Omega: Ronatello's Alpha Journey

[ronatello]

Time for my weekly recap.
Some mood swings this week but it's to be expected. Some irritability crept in as well but that's okay. I'm a little more able to voice my opinions vs. holding them in like I used to. As for checking out women, I've grown quite disinterested in checking them out. If I spot someone I know, I will converse with them but I've been more inclined to keep to myself. Socializing is more on my terms. If I feel like doing so, I will, if not, I won't. I do notice more looks from women in general... which seems to be on a slow ramp up. But still... I really don't care at this point .
I'm actually getting more and more people opening me up for conversation now than in the past.

I tend to say things that some may say are bit on the bold side (for lack of a better word). Like one of my co-workers. She hits me on my tummy and then runs off and then I come towards her and say, "you like what you've touched"? And her eyes got big and then I said, "There's plenty more where that came from!" And she told one of her co-workers that she doesn't know to respond to that. She knew me as very shy back then so she has no idea how to take me now. LOL

I feel some detachment but not much. I'm also noticing some subtle things changing... as of now, they're hard to pinpoint but in due time it should be more pronounced. One thing that has raised up is memories of me acting "beta" in some situations. But... that's water under the bridge now.
Tomorrow starts week 4 on stage 1.

[ronatello]

I'm dropping the BIATBW sub and focusing solely on AM as of today. I really need the focus to be on me (sound selfish but oh well, lol) and not on women right now. Since I was only exposing myself to the other sub for maybe 1 1/2 hours tops, I figure I will just drop it.
I've already noticed some detachment from any outcome, which is a good thing! And also, more of a care-free attitude has crept in.
I had a dream last night that someone was wanting me to do something and I flat got irritated and told them no, you go do it (and it wasn't my job to do it anyway!) in a rather mean-ish way.

[K-Train]

Hey Ron, have you noticed an increased desire to talk from AM? I'm not sure why, but I ALWAYS feel like talking and socializing. I thought maybe I was just in a good mood but I've been way more social than I usually am (which is quite impressive). Also, with BIABW, how long were you using it? I was going to recommend just listening to it for maybe 30 minutes a day but if you aren't getting the results you want then by all means go full ALPHA. It's just that I know a LOT of people have trouble seeing effects from BIABW (me included).

[ronatello]

K train: I got some results from BIATBW... but I imagine I would get far more effects if I had the alpha set fully internalized first. I am getting more smiles from women (and I credit that to parts of the after mentioned sub, Aura of Sexiness, and ASC.)
As far as the alpha sub goes, I'm slightly more aggressive when it comes to socializing. I'm not mr. social yet... as in freely talk to anyone I want but it's something that I visualize from time to time. The major hangup that I did have was trying to figure out what to say (which is a bona-fide deal killer because it's the stuck in the head feeling vs. being in the moment).
As far as the time I started using the BIATBW sub, it was just before vacation time back in June, 2010 (mid-month I think).
I'm still seeing pieces of that sub in action. I still stress that once I get the solid confidence and alpha feeling from Alpha Male, it will just make the attraction subs that MUCH better.
I had another dream last night that for some reason I was in some muddy water under a bridge and there were possible alligators in the water. I was so angry (and cussing like a sailor too, dropping the F bomb left and right) that any gator that would try to attack me, I was determined to kill the f*cker! lol

[Ryan]

You guys seem to be noticing some really quick effects, I'm looking forward to this journey it seems a bit more enjoyable to work through

[ronatello]

@ Ryan: even though you put WM on the backburner, I believe you will still see results from it, especially when Alpha Male kicks in. You will get mood swings from time to time but I don't think it will be as severe as you experienced with WM. But I'm very happy you hopped over to Alpha Male.
One thing that I noticed somewhat is the thought "Would others think I'm creepy if I do x or y?" gets squashed rather quickly.
It will reinforce the idea that it's okay to live for yourself and to put yourself 1st (in a "good" selfish way, of course). All of that BS of doing stuff to gain someone's approval will also be kicked to the curb in a hurry.
_________________________________________________________
More wacky dreams last night. No alligators in swift muddy rivers this time but I dreamed that I was back in my parent's house and I was wanting to watch tv... I guess the tv in my old room was burned out or something. I went to my brothers old room and there were 3(!) flat screen TV's bolted to the wall up high. 2 were rather big and the center one was small. I was arguing with my father if I can have one and his reply was totally not on the subject (not a yes or no but was completely about something else). Of course, that irritated me... then the dream went to something else altogether.

[Ryan]

Ron, you mentioned your confidence has been increasing in stage 1 after letting go of ASC, how has that been progressing?

[ronatello]

It's a slow ramp up. I've noticing that I'm doing some things that I haven't done before. Eg at church Sunday, we do a "greet" thing at the start of the service where we get out and shake hands, say hello, etc. I was more inclined to move way out from where I was sitting and shake hands with quite a few people, including some pretty women so that's a plus. Previously, I was kinda afraid to approach them. That [approaching] seems a bit more natural for me now. I still have a ways to go but it's getting there.
My biggest problem in the past was attaching an outcome to something like that like, "hmm she seemed to not like that, etc." Which is BS thinking btw. It's more like now, I really don't care if the person has a bad or good opinion of me (being indifferent). I see that trait being to begin to take root because it has held me way back in the past.
I'm less than 2 weeks from beginning stage 2 so I expect things to ramp up quite considerably in the near future.
I'm less anxious than I was 3 weeks ago when I started AM. I'm less outcome oriented. I'm certainly less needy and more independent. I'm a bit more able to speak my mind w/o worrying about the consequences. I still have negative thoughts sneak in but I also remind myself that it's crap being pulled up to be released. I can pull myself out of that quite well.
With that being said, it takes a conscious effort on one's part to spot that and correct that on the spot!
I would also say that the subliminal is also causing me a physical reaction (sweating under the arms). Why? I don't know. I experienced the same thing when I did mirror affirmations back in Nov 2008 (subconscious / conscious throwing up a defense shield to new beliefs being installed, I guess).

[Ryan]

I've always had sweating problems under the arms for a long time, it's pretty much due to a lot of built up stress/anxiety/fear.

[ronatello]

More than likely right... but I expect it to disappear in due time.
___________________________________________________
I know that I'm making good progress because I feel and see things a lot differently now than I did some 4 weeks ago when I started Alpha Male and I know it's only the tip of the iceberg. I'm not super James Bond confident yet but it will come fast. Honestly, I do feel better now than I did a month ago. Negativity affects me less now than it did. I'm not totally indifferent however. I'm much less attached to outcome now vs. then.
I had fun at the salsa social held by a Little Rock college... got to dance with an Austrian woman w/ a thick accent and she wanted to dance very close.
My mood has improved a bit overall.
I will say this to all: once you become very self confident, the true "you" will come out since you will be able to fully express yourself (and it will feel genuine, NOT fake). Detractors won't have an effect on you any longer.

[ronatello]

Time for my weekly recap... this is week 4 and I will finish out stage one by next Saturday (I'm going with 5 full weeks per stage. It's much easier to keep up with than trying to do 32 days and plus, a little extra days per stage won't hurt any).
So far, I'm more comfortable looking lots of people in the eyes. Not totally comfortable yet but it's getting there quick. Honestly I can say that I have made more progress ever since starting the subs than I ever had in the past. I'm more care-free and a lot less outcome dependent now, and certainly less needy than in the past.
I can honestly say that the majority of my problems is rooted in my lack of self confidence, which has plagued me most of my life up until now (the AM sub is working on that bigtime).

To jump off the subject a bit... somebody care to define "male pattern blindness" to me? I have a hunch that it has something to do with not taking proper action but maybe someone can clarify it to me. Whatever the case, I know the Alpha Male sub will fix it, along with me getting out and also pushing myself to engage in conversation instead of keeping to myself.
I'm having more and more people open me up for convo now than in the past (or I'm becoming more aware of it, or both).
I'm also becoming more annoyed with the way some people act around me (not in this forum but in real life, etc.).

[K-Train]

Lol, Ron "male pattern blindness" is when a girl is giving a guy IOI's (indicators of interest) but the guy is completely oblivious or just thinks the girl is being nice. It happens to a LOT of guys, happened to me last week actually lol. I've actually been struggling with the same thing. There's a girl that I KNOW is somewhat interested in me but I'm just not interested enough to take action.

Me and you're are once again getting very similar results. Everything I read from you seems to mirror my own experiences with AM especially with the neediness. Jealousy has been something that's affected me a little in the past but now I shrug it off. I really make an effort to NOT become caught up in outcomes anymore.

Can't wait for your next report.

[ronatello]

Thank you K-train for defining that term for me. I had a hunch it had to do with not taking proper action and lo and behold, what you said pretty much fits that to a T.
____________________________________________________________
I had what I can call a "bad" dream I guess last night. I was doing something and I spotted a girl (that works in a different dept.) w/ floor cleaning pads and I was giving her the what for about them. She took offense (got smart w/ me) and an argument broke out, with me dropping the F bomb and flipping the bird and whatnot.
Well, after that dream, I was awake and couldn't get back to sleep so I spent most of the earlier part of the morning in an angry-ish mood.
I'm betting the dream has a lot to do with the previous feelings I had toward women in the past (weren't very good, obviously).
All is good now, however. In a crazy way, I'm glad this [angry] stuff via the subliminal is washing up to be released instead of being held in or trampled down and swept under the proverbial rug.
This crap has to come out before I can move forward!
Despite me being tired and groggy today (functioning on less than 5 hours of sleep isn't very fun), I had a rather good day. I was more or less in a "devil may care" type of mood for the majority of the day. I thought of stuff that I watch on a frequent basis (Mst3k) to make me laugh and get in a good mood.
And also, there is a part of me that is wanting to be a major @sshole to women. I have to watch that little demon because I don't want to hurt anyone.
I'm catching myself doing things that previously would have slipped by that I wound consider now to be "validating" behaviour. I wrote a good deal in my private journal on my computer as I played the sub mixed in with some upbeat 1980's tunes earlier today before I left for work.
Also, it may be a Jedi mind trick my subconscious is playing on me but for some odd reason, I seem to get slightly better results from my full sized headphones vs. the speakers. The headphones in question are the classic Sony MDR-V6 (excellent sounding 'phones!!). The speakers in my bedroom are obviously up to the task due to the fact I have crazy @ss dreams the majority of nights.
Bring on the final week of stage 1!

[Ryan]

Also, it may be a Jedi mind trick my subconscious is playing on me but for some odd reason, I seem to get slightly better results from my full sized headphones vs. the speakers. The headphones in question are the classic Sony MDR-V6 (excellent sounding 'phones!!). The speakers in my bedroom are obviously up to the task due to the fact I have crazy @ss dreams the majority of nights.
Bring on the final week of stage 1!

You know I hate this but I get it all the time, even after 3 months of Woman Magnet. I know for a fact my speakers work, otherwise, I wouldn't be walking the way I do, I wouldn't be unnedy the way that I am. Yet, I still can't seem to accept that they actually work. I think it's just your subconscious wanting you to give in.