12-08-2011, 06:49 PM
I'm at a point right now where I'm not really sure what to think about myself. Some days I'm cold and distant, and other days I'm social and happy. Maybe it's just college and my future that's just always on my mind. No matter how hard I try I have this minor anxiety about the future and it's hard to stay in the present moment. My head is always somewhere in the future, calculating, planning. Right now even typing this I'm wondering if this is the truth or if my mind is just coming up with logical answers to a largely subconscious problem.
Or maybe it isn't a problem and I just think it is. Maybe I'm just too damn analytical for my own good. I'm trying to monitor my body throughout the day and try to avoid becoming tense. The one thing I've noticed is that when my mind starts thinking a lot, my body tenses up, and my breathing becomes more shallow. I might have a form of OCD called purely obsessional OCD. It's the obsessive thoughts, but there are no compulsions to act upon. One thing in particular stands out is that if I stop thinking so much I feel anxiety because I'm not in control and I worry about not knowing. I feel something just doesn't feel right. Those feelings are irrational, they really don't have any basis in logic and yet I can't seem to shake them.
While writing this post I've noticed I've become tense and stressed. I think it's because my mind is searching for answers, but these answers are difficult to understand or not even there. I can't put these things into words, that's the most frustrating part. At the moment I've got a splitting headache so that probably doesn't help either.
Or maybe it isn't a problem and I just think it is. Maybe I'm just too damn analytical for my own good. I'm trying to monitor my body throughout the day and try to avoid becoming tense. The one thing I've noticed is that when my mind starts thinking a lot, my body tenses up, and my breathing becomes more shallow. I might have a form of OCD called purely obsessional OCD. It's the obsessive thoughts, but there are no compulsions to act upon. One thing in particular stands out is that if I stop thinking so much I feel anxiety because I'm not in control and I worry about not knowing. I feel something just doesn't feel right. Those feelings are irrational, they really don't have any basis in logic and yet I can't seem to shake them.
While writing this post I've noticed I've become tense and stressed. I think it's because my mind is searching for answers, but these answers are difficult to understand or not even there. I can't put these things into words, that's the most frustrating part. At the moment I've got a splitting headache so that probably doesn't help either.
