10-29-2011, 06:13 PM
I just realized this is my first full run through of stage 1 in the 2011 build. Last year I started off with 2010, so I'm seeing things that I didn't see before.
For me my favorite part about these subs is writing down the subtle shifts you get that fuel your growth even more. Lately I feel like stage 1 has definitely been chipping away at the stuff that bothered me for a while. Right now I'm less on edge and I'm not taking life too seriously like I used to do.
One of my biggest realizations so far is understanding the difference between being introverted and fear based behavior that prevents me from being social. When I had a lot of fear, people naturally became enemies and I carried around a lot of animosity. It wasn't that I hated people, it was that I was scared of them and afraid to put myself out there for fear of getting hurt. Fear makes you do a lot of stupid things and rationalize in some really ridiculous ways.
I do prefer a lot of my time alone, it's just the way I am. However, I'm gaining more confidence to just let go and have fun in life without being in my head so much. I used to think that small talk was meaningless and a waste of time, but now I just enjoy it whenever I get the chance. Things don't have to have importance when you talk because I've learned that it's mostly the human interaction that people enjoy. Shelling myself off from those human interactions and rationalizing that I was independent and didn't need it was just a lot of fear. Choosing to be social and not being able to are two completely different things.
I still feel a little vulnerable after stepping outside of this shell, but I'm realizing things aren't as bad as I make them out to be in my head. I'm understanding now that my perception of the world was skewed by my own negative thinking and I wasn't seeing objective reality.
For me my favorite part about these subs is writing down the subtle shifts you get that fuel your growth even more. Lately I feel like stage 1 has definitely been chipping away at the stuff that bothered me for a while. Right now I'm less on edge and I'm not taking life too seriously like I used to do.
One of my biggest realizations so far is understanding the difference between being introverted and fear based behavior that prevents me from being social. When I had a lot of fear, people naturally became enemies and I carried around a lot of animosity. It wasn't that I hated people, it was that I was scared of them and afraid to put myself out there for fear of getting hurt. Fear makes you do a lot of stupid things and rationalize in some really ridiculous ways.
I do prefer a lot of my time alone, it's just the way I am. However, I'm gaining more confidence to just let go and have fun in life without being in my head so much. I used to think that small talk was meaningless and a waste of time, but now I just enjoy it whenever I get the chance. Things don't have to have importance when you talk because I've learned that it's mostly the human interaction that people enjoy. Shelling myself off from those human interactions and rationalizing that I was independent and didn't need it was just a lot of fear. Choosing to be social and not being able to are two completely different things.
I still feel a little vulnerable after stepping outside of this shell, but I'm realizing things aren't as bad as I make them out to be in my head. I'm understanding now that my perception of the world was skewed by my own negative thinking and I wasn't seeing objective reality.
