Alpha 5.0

[mat422]

I promptly slapped myself in the face. Yup, I was being delusional. Beliefs are important, no doubt, but I've realized I can't do this on my own. It's an ego thing. There's a certain point when I just can't get out of my own way.

But what I was doing was basic mindfulness practice. I haven't rid myself of anxiety, but just viewing it without labels or attachments really does help me let it go. So I can honestly say that I did learn something. But for the most part I was experiencing a lot of delusion. I'm no stranger to these manic states, I've encountered them before. Usually they happen when things actually get worse and I lose it trying to figure out my life.

At least I learned a lesson out of all this. Be practical. Life isn't always easy and sometimes things aren't simple. I'd rather know my limits and be able to work on things successfully than be unaware of them and beating my head against a wall making mistakes.

It's good to be aware for sure. Knowing your shortcomings is half the battle.

However, if you believe you can't do this on your own, you will never see improvement. Why? Because even if someone else was helping you, in the end, it is YOU, and you alone, who decides how to use advice/tools/knowledge.

You have to do it alone, and it's the only way you can do it. There is no magic pill and there is no mind-altering surgery. There's no way we can get some master at life to control your mind and make you have the perfect life. Otherwise it'd be their life, not yours.

Instead of seeing the limits, it's time to try seeing what you want, and move towards it.

My coach has told me there is one simple sentence to sum up how to live your life, it's this:

Find out what you want, and go after it.

Emphasis on YOU. Find out what YOU want, no matter how unconventional, illogical, illegal, perverted, messed up, holier-than-thou, arrogant etc. it may be.

If it's what YOU want, you're on the right track.

Come to think of it, didn't we go over this earlier this year? Seems to me you came to this realization already. What happened?

I don't really know what happened. I make a lot of realizations that never stick.

I know what you're saying about me and me alone making these changes and you're right. But not everything has to be done on your own completely. Overly independent is just as bad as being overly dependent. I come from an overly independent background, I never let people in. I never allowed anyone to help me out. That's not strength, it's weakness.

All I'm saying is if it takes some other person's help to get me to where I need to be I'm fine with that.