Alpha 5.0

[mat422]

Well thanks Sarge, that little exercise helped me kind of see things better.

I'm not broken, I'm not stuck with deep shame. And the problems I have are problems that I ultimately perpetuate by focusing on them way too much. Yeah a little introspection is good, but I should never forget that I have the power to change myself.

I think what messed me up was reading about all these defense mechanisms like repression, denial, splitting, etc. Psychodynamic theory made me feel like I didn't understand myself or I was lying or I was hiding something. It made me think too much. It honestly made me feel like I couldn't trust myself.

Now I've realized it doesn't really matter what's "right". I can choose to believe that shame will follow me to the grave or I can chose to believe that I can overcome it and have an awesome life. Given the choice it's obvious which one I should choose. But my mind seems to always be fighting me with what is "right". Always a little voice in my head telling me it's wrong and I should believe it instead of the alternative. I always fall for it too, and I just don't know why.

Righto homie, just remember that what ever you focus on is your reality, simple as that.

All that theory is good and all, but it becomes a real cop-out for, as you said, trusting yourself.

Also, remember that the "why" is kind of irrelevant. If you believe you always fall for it, you will. Once again, it's all in beliefs. Hope to see more of you, you've made a big realization today. Keep working on those beliefs. You can (and should) do this with every belief you have.

Heck, I even do it when I believe something is a cold hard fact, I just write "fact" instead of "belief", the exercise is the same, and holds the same purpose.

Beware of beliefs though, sometimes it can be hard to recognize. I remember ranting to my coach one time telling him that I believed something, but I was using it as an excuse. He told me that I was just telling him another belief, and told me to work on that with the exercise. So, it's not uncommon to get caught up in what you believe, just try and be mindful, and eventually you'll get the hang of it.

Well done, and good luck in the future.

Thanks again. In addition to beliefs I'm going to start working on managing my inner critic. I realized that while beliefs play a role, I have some very bad habits of believing what my critical inner voice says.

It's like trying to build a house and some jerk just comes along and keeps destroying part of it. Working on beliefs are great and I feel like I've made a lot of progress. But I think until I get this inner critic under control I'll keep struggling. What you say to yourself day to day is just as important, I really overlooked this. No matter how many positive beliefs you internalize, if you berate yourself day in day out it's gonna fall apart.