11-24-2013, 02:26 PM
Well thanks Sarge, that little exercise helped me kind of see things better.
I'm not broken, I'm not stuck with deep shame. And the problems I have are problems that I ultimately perpetuate by focusing on them way too much. Yeah a little introspection is good, but I should never forget that I have the power to change myself.
I think what messed me up was reading about all these defense mechanisms like repression, denial, splitting, etc. Psychodynamic theory made me feel like I didn't understand myself or I was lying or I was hiding something. It made me think too much. It honestly made me feel like I couldn't trust myself.
Now I've realized it doesn't really matter what's "right". I can choose to believe that shame will follow me to the grave or I can chose to believe that I can overcome it and have an awesome life. Given the choice it's obvious which one I should choose. But my mind seems to always be fighting me with what is "right". Always a little voice in my head telling me it's wrong and I should believe it instead of the alternative. I always fall for it too, and I just don't know why.
I'm not broken, I'm not stuck with deep shame. And the problems I have are problems that I ultimately perpetuate by focusing on them way too much. Yeah a little introspection is good, but I should never forget that I have the power to change myself.
I think what messed me up was reading about all these defense mechanisms like repression, denial, splitting, etc. Psychodynamic theory made me feel like I didn't understand myself or I was lying or I was hiding something. It made me think too much. It honestly made me feel like I couldn't trust myself.
Now I've realized it doesn't really matter what's "right". I can choose to believe that shame will follow me to the grave or I can chose to believe that I can overcome it and have an awesome life. Given the choice it's obvious which one I should choose. But my mind seems to always be fighting me with what is "right". Always a little voice in my head telling me it's wrong and I should believe it instead of the alternative. I always fall for it too, and I just don't know why.
