09-08-2013, 01:51 PM
So I'm always grateful for weekends. Seriously. I don't know if it's just me or if everyone feels this way but I need these days to pursue what I love doing. I think part of my depression is actually stemming from not being able to make music during the week. I want to, but I'm just too tired and I can't focus. And it kills me inside.
I'm a creative individual and I feel like it's always been that way. Like being introverted, I'm having trouble finding my place in this world. I've got a lot of issues that still need to be resolved. I think if I didn't grow up with social anxiety and depression I'd be more well adjusted. But I think all I really want to do is make music. Maybe find a career that I don't hate that can provide enough money to live off of and then make music in my free time. That's a big step all by itself. With depression it's hard to focus, my memory is shot, I end up slurring and tripping over words, and my body feels heavy. My biggest issue is I can't learn unless something really interests me. So while I can read up on sound design and various music production techniques, studying for exams or reading textbooks seems like an impossible task.
Still in the process of testing for stuff at the doctor. My insurance didn't want to cover the blood work as extensively as I would have liked which sucks. I'm working on my diet. Gotta get back to working out. I fell off with that. Just trying to take it one step at a time. I realized when I weight myself down with all the shoulds it just crushes me with guilt. So I just do what I can and take it easy on myself.
https://soundcloud.com/h-conscious/cold-september
This is a track I made the other day. It's drum and bass, if you know what that is. I was able to channel a lot of feeling into it and I guess it helped me out a bit with the depression. With my music I have to really go easy on myself, it's way too easy to get frustrated and upset with my work.
I'm a creative individual and I feel like it's always been that way. Like being introverted, I'm having trouble finding my place in this world. I've got a lot of issues that still need to be resolved. I think if I didn't grow up with social anxiety and depression I'd be more well adjusted. But I think all I really want to do is make music. Maybe find a career that I don't hate that can provide enough money to live off of and then make music in my free time. That's a big step all by itself. With depression it's hard to focus, my memory is shot, I end up slurring and tripping over words, and my body feels heavy. My biggest issue is I can't learn unless something really interests me. So while I can read up on sound design and various music production techniques, studying for exams or reading textbooks seems like an impossible task.
Still in the process of testing for stuff at the doctor. My insurance didn't want to cover the blood work as extensively as I would have liked which sucks. I'm working on my diet. Gotta get back to working out. I fell off with that. Just trying to take it one step at a time. I realized when I weight myself down with all the shoulds it just crushes me with guilt. So I just do what I can and take it easy on myself.
https://soundcloud.com/h-conscious/cold-september
This is a track I made the other day. It's drum and bass, if you know what that is. I was able to channel a lot of feeling into it and I guess it helped me out a bit with the depression. With my music I have to really go easy on myself, it's way too easy to get frustrated and upset with my work.
