06-16-2013, 01:58 PM
Something troublesome is happening in stage 2. I'm becoming very withdrawn from people. I've always been somewhat of a loner, but now it's increased. I still live with my parents. It hasn't been easy finding a way to support myself at the moment and I'm kind of stuck in this location anyway.
Anyway I feel like my emotion towards my parents has been dulled along with my friends and brothers. I still care about them. If any of them died I'd be devastated. But I just don't know what to think of this new feeling. If I'm detaching from their influences and it's a healthy thing or if something is wrong. In my family I'm mostly the go to guy. I do as much as I can to help out, but sometimes I feel like I'm this pillar in my family that has always carried way more responsibility than I should have. As a kid I just felt responsible for making sure nobody ever yelled at someone else, that nobody took "sides", that my parents received enough love from me. My house could be a warzone at times, but really what family's isn't? The thing is it was always me, I hated everything that happened and I felt like it was my duty to stop it. Truth be told I feel like I've been less close with my family as I've gotten older. But we were a happy family as kids and everything, I don't know what happened. I don't know if it's just part of growing up or what. But lately I'm just sad that I can't be as close with my parents or brothers anymore. I guess as a kid you're fairly naive and life hasn't thrown a ton of stuff your way. My experiences must have changed me, not for the better either. I became more closed off, afraid, avoidant.
I've always been wary of the whole "growing apart" thing. It's true. But sometimes it's less about me growing and more about me falling into that habit of isolating myself. I have to be careful that I don't close off relationships without first understanding why.
Anyway I feel like my emotion towards my parents has been dulled along with my friends and brothers. I still care about them. If any of them died I'd be devastated. But I just don't know what to think of this new feeling. If I'm detaching from their influences and it's a healthy thing or if something is wrong. In my family I'm mostly the go to guy. I do as much as I can to help out, but sometimes I feel like I'm this pillar in my family that has always carried way more responsibility than I should have. As a kid I just felt responsible for making sure nobody ever yelled at someone else, that nobody took "sides", that my parents received enough love from me. My house could be a warzone at times, but really what family's isn't? The thing is it was always me, I hated everything that happened and I felt like it was my duty to stop it. Truth be told I feel like I've been less close with my family as I've gotten older. But we were a happy family as kids and everything, I don't know what happened. I don't know if it's just part of growing up or what. But lately I'm just sad that I can't be as close with my parents or brothers anymore. I guess as a kid you're fairly naive and life hasn't thrown a ton of stuff your way. My experiences must have changed me, not for the better either. I became more closed off, afraid, avoidant.
I've always been wary of the whole "growing apart" thing. It's true. But sometimes it's less about me growing and more about me falling into that habit of isolating myself. I have to be careful that I don't close off relationships without first understanding why.
