06-15-2013, 08:59 PM
Still chipping away at things. I honestly don't have much to update. Lately I'm perceiving small changes in how I react to things or think about stuff. I've taken on an attitude of feeling more in control, like my head isn't playing mind games with me. The best way I can put it is that my mind is working for me rather than against me, which means I can use up my energy more efficiently.
I'm still trying to let go of expectations about what it's gonna be like when I finish all the stages. I have no doubt the power behind alpha 5.0, what I worry about is whether or not my mind is going to be accepting of these changes. I know I need to change and I want to change, but chances are there is a part of me that doesn't. Whether or not it's fear or just a sincere lack of belief in myself to change anything, I don't know. But I do know this. Throughout my life tackling huge projects has always filled me with doubt. This self improvement thing is no different. I can't bully myself into accepting these things. I have to work in small chunks that make up the whole picture. But I'm just tired of a lot of it. I do believe that my resistance to the sub is manifesting itself in some way. Emotional turmoil mostly, I'm riding out the storm but it's a long way before things calm down.
I'm still trying to let go of expectations about what it's gonna be like when I finish all the stages. I have no doubt the power behind alpha 5.0, what I worry about is whether or not my mind is going to be accepting of these changes. I know I need to change and I want to change, but chances are there is a part of me that doesn't. Whether or not it's fear or just a sincere lack of belief in myself to change anything, I don't know. But I do know this. Throughout my life tackling huge projects has always filled me with doubt. This self improvement thing is no different. I can't bully myself into accepting these things. I have to work in small chunks that make up the whole picture. But I'm just tired of a lot of it. I do believe that my resistance to the sub is manifesting itself in some way. Emotional turmoil mostly, I'm riding out the storm but it's a long way before things calm down.
