05-31-2013, 06:47 PM
Stage 1 done. Moving on to stage 2. So far, I am noticing changes. It's a great feeling when you tap into the subconscious to make changes. It just happens. So far the biggest improvement is my body language. Less anxiety, which makes me more relaxed and allows me to just be centered. I definitely feel more stable, it's a good feeling. Something else I've noticed is I'm not in my head as much. Conversation just flows, the right words just happen. Prior to this I had this block, I just analyzed everything way too much. Which I think was a defense mechanism for the anxiety, kind of like creating a strategy in my head and even that became a subconscious process.
So far I'm happy with how things are going. I think the interesting thing this time around with alpha is I'm not afraid of the change anymore. It has to be done. Through the years I went through stages of growth. First I was unaware of my exact problems, then I learned more, then I tried to change, then I hit a wall where fear kept me in place. I "accepted" myself, which was really just me filled with so much anxiety I was paralyzed, and now I'm realizing staying here is a far worse thing than moving forward.
I hope all this sticks and I'm not eating my words later on. I've been having some really rough times, but slowly I think it's beginning to weigh less and less. I'm hoping by the end of alpha or during it I'll be able to let more people into my life. As of now I feel like I'm harboring a deep dark secret, but the truth is that's how I've felt for most of my life. I've always been a loner, it would be fine if if it was my own choice, but sometimes I feel like I've been thrown into it against my will.
But at least I'm speaking my mind about it now without worrying. The fact is life's been kind of rough for me. I guess over the years of not being able to express that to anyone close made me feel like I should be ashamed of it. Some days it's really hard to see the point of life. That's just a crappy feeling to have.
So far I'm happy with how things are going. I think the interesting thing this time around with alpha is I'm not afraid of the change anymore. It has to be done. Through the years I went through stages of growth. First I was unaware of my exact problems, then I learned more, then I tried to change, then I hit a wall where fear kept me in place. I "accepted" myself, which was really just me filled with so much anxiety I was paralyzed, and now I'm realizing staying here is a far worse thing than moving forward.
I hope all this sticks and I'm not eating my words later on. I've been having some really rough times, but slowly I think it's beginning to weigh less and less. I'm hoping by the end of alpha or during it I'll be able to let more people into my life. As of now I feel like I'm harboring a deep dark secret, but the truth is that's how I've felt for most of my life. I've always been a loner, it would be fine if if it was my own choice, but sometimes I feel like I've been thrown into it against my will.
But at least I'm speaking my mind about it now without worrying. The fact is life's been kind of rough for me. I guess over the years of not being able to express that to anyone close made me feel like I should be ashamed of it. Some days it's really hard to see the point of life. That's just a crappy feeling to have.
