I am writing this post to jot down my experiences with OGSF and how it has me at a crossroad between two paths...
Before listing out what OGSF has done for me so far, I would like to note that OGSF has triggered some resistance in me, mostly in the form of "accidentally" getting cut or scratched by various objects. I would call this a coincidence but it happens all too often for this to be blown off as a non factor. However, these cuts, scratches, etc are momentary and always minor. Sometimes it's just bumping into things I didn't see or some random dog clawing my leg... I just find this interesting since this has never happened to me before.
OGSF has done some interesting things in the near 3 months I've been running it. I believe I have overcome:
- The need to prove my worth. I know who I am and I now know that I don't have to prove myself good enough to someone else anymore.
- The purpose of life. I now serve a new purpose in life, one that now doesn't limit me with guilt, shame, and fear.
- Religion. It no longer holds me from guilt, shame, and fear and I am free to experience life as I please.
- My faulty view of success. I now understand that success comes from many forms and that I should acknowledge and appreciate all of the small wins I have in my life and fully enjoy the things I'm already successful in.
- My fear of being successful at everything. I feel like I can finally allow myself to be successful at everything and not be afraid of what happens when I am successful. One of my big fears was to succeed since success causes change. The greater the goal accomplished, the larger the change required.
These are all of the big things cleared so far. I still remain unmotivated to act towards my goals when on OGSF but I now understand that this is largely due to fear that is provoked from OGSF. I believe once I stop running this sub, I will be able to be at a much higher productivity than when I started OGSF.
However, there is one more block that my mind has overcome and it may just define my life forever...
- The fear of achieving my ultimate dream in life
For years, I have been working hard towards achieving what I would call my ultimate dream in life. It's a dream that I have been dreaming of since being a child, but I have never have been able to get anywhere near to achieving it. I would bust my butt every day to studying, learning, and working hard so that I could achieve it... However, the harder I tried, the more unbearable my life became. My mind would set up obstacle after obstacle to try to self-sabotage and shut down something that I was so passionate about to the point where I started to hate the very thing I loved. I thought all my hard work was all for nothing... until now.
One night, without getting too much in the details, I had a "vision" of sorts. Essentially, I felt a very intense, strong desire to think about my dream again. I did this for a few minutes. Then all of a sudden, I felt all of these strong emotions overcome me and I felt an insane high. After coming down from the high, the only thing that remained was a message in my mind, which was: "You may now go achieve your dream." It was like my subconscious mind was speaking to me. It was one of the weirdest but coolest things I've ever experienced.
I say all of this because I'm at a crossroad. I can either stick to my original plan of finishing OGSF and running DMSI or I can derail my original plan for a completely new lineup of subs that will help me achieve my ultimate dream in life. Right now, I crave finding friendship and connection in my lonely life but I also desire to finally succeed at something I've worked all my life to achieving.
What is more important: Finding love and connection or going after a dream?
Before listing out what OGSF has done for me so far, I would like to note that OGSF has triggered some resistance in me, mostly in the form of "accidentally" getting cut or scratched by various objects. I would call this a coincidence but it happens all too often for this to be blown off as a non factor. However, these cuts, scratches, etc are momentary and always minor. Sometimes it's just bumping into things I didn't see or some random dog clawing my leg... I just find this interesting since this has never happened to me before.
OGSF has done some interesting things in the near 3 months I've been running it. I believe I have overcome:
- The need to prove my worth. I know who I am and I now know that I don't have to prove myself good enough to someone else anymore.
- The purpose of life. I now serve a new purpose in life, one that now doesn't limit me with guilt, shame, and fear.
- Religion. It no longer holds me from guilt, shame, and fear and I am free to experience life as I please.
- My faulty view of success. I now understand that success comes from many forms and that I should acknowledge and appreciate all of the small wins I have in my life and fully enjoy the things I'm already successful in.
- My fear of being successful at everything. I feel like I can finally allow myself to be successful at everything and not be afraid of what happens when I am successful. One of my big fears was to succeed since success causes change. The greater the goal accomplished, the larger the change required.
These are all of the big things cleared so far. I still remain unmotivated to act towards my goals when on OGSF but I now understand that this is largely due to fear that is provoked from OGSF. I believe once I stop running this sub, I will be able to be at a much higher productivity than when I started OGSF.
However, there is one more block that my mind has overcome and it may just define my life forever...
- The fear of achieving my ultimate dream in life
For years, I have been working hard towards achieving what I would call my ultimate dream in life. It's a dream that I have been dreaming of since being a child, but I have never have been able to get anywhere near to achieving it. I would bust my butt every day to studying, learning, and working hard so that I could achieve it... However, the harder I tried, the more unbearable my life became. My mind would set up obstacle after obstacle to try to self-sabotage and shut down something that I was so passionate about to the point where I started to hate the very thing I loved. I thought all my hard work was all for nothing... until now.
One night, without getting too much in the details, I had a "vision" of sorts. Essentially, I felt a very intense, strong desire to think about my dream again. I did this for a few minutes. Then all of a sudden, I felt all of these strong emotions overcome me and I felt an insane high. After coming down from the high, the only thing that remained was a message in my mind, which was: "You may now go achieve your dream." It was like my subconscious mind was speaking to me. It was one of the weirdest but coolest things I've ever experienced.
I say all of this because I'm at a crossroad. I can either stick to my original plan of finishing OGSF and running DMSI or I can derail my original plan for a completely new lineup of subs that will help me achieve my ultimate dream in life. Right now, I crave finding friendship and connection in my lonely life but I also desire to finally succeed at something I've worked all my life to achieving.
What is more important: Finding love and connection or going after a dream?
