10-30-2011, 12:18 PM
and enough of that-back to my journal
New developments
-pushing interactions with woman way harder
-feel way more likely to say what I want to say
-kind of becoming more of an asshole but in a way people seem to enjoy
-really horny-and at times can get really frustrated/jealous when seeing guys with girls I am attracted to (this is so strange because I had ZERO of this leading up to this set)
-right now I feel like my expectations of my self image-exceed the capacity of my actual self-which is leading to frustration as well
-neediness does seem way down but can spike at points.
-definitely more motivate towards being around woman and anything leading toward sex on one hand on the other hand I feel very just almost happy go lucky and could care less what happens
-My presence feels huge and almost like its 'demanding' on others.
-despite whatever positive changes are happening there are consistent bursts of the worse existential/sexual concerns that I have ever had surfacing.
-I feel much more emotional and very in the moment-almost to the point that my ability for masculine space and self observation is compromised.
-. Feeling much more 'alpha' and dominant sometimes positively so and allot of the time more with an aggression .
-having periods of feeling angry and bitter and really 'beta' like I am just entertainment while everyone actually gets something I cant have lol-objectively its really funny just a lot of dark stuff coming up
Lastly, last night my friend from highschool-who we have all been hanging out with lately-were kind of all doing a subtle intervention to get him back into life since he was a gambling addict and now a bit of a recluse, who is literally one of the worse people with woman I have ever met (were talking the last three times he had sex were with hookers), well he got asked to come home with a really very attractive girl, albeit she was a bit tipsy (quite). This REALLY annoyed me for some reason, jealous-absolutely-on a Halloween party night I would really have loved to be asked home by somebody or gone home with somebody, especially when I am on a program called SEX MAGNET lol (I know I know first stage), and especially when the woman I am seeing didn't get back to me after we made plans to possibly go out this night, and especially when this set is making me as ardent as I am.
Anyway just letting some steam out-in general I am enjoying this set-and everyday it feels more natural and easier.
New developments
-pushing interactions with woman way harder
-feel way more likely to say what I want to say
-kind of becoming more of an asshole but in a way people seem to enjoy
-really horny-and at times can get really frustrated/jealous when seeing guys with girls I am attracted to (this is so strange because I had ZERO of this leading up to this set)
-right now I feel like my expectations of my self image-exceed the capacity of my actual self-which is leading to frustration as well
-neediness does seem way down but can spike at points.
-definitely more motivate towards being around woman and anything leading toward sex on one hand on the other hand I feel very just almost happy go lucky and could care less what happens
-My presence feels huge and almost like its 'demanding' on others.
-despite whatever positive changes are happening there are consistent bursts of the worse existential/sexual concerns that I have ever had surfacing.
-I feel much more emotional and very in the moment-almost to the point that my ability for masculine space and self observation is compromised.
-. Feeling much more 'alpha' and dominant sometimes positively so and allot of the time more with an aggression .
-having periods of feeling angry and bitter and really 'beta' like I am just entertainment while everyone actually gets something I cant have lol-objectively its really funny just a lot of dark stuff coming up
Lastly, last night my friend from highschool-who we have all been hanging out with lately-were kind of all doing a subtle intervention to get him back into life since he was a gambling addict and now a bit of a recluse, who is literally one of the worse people with woman I have ever met (were talking the last three times he had sex were with hookers), well he got asked to come home with a really very attractive girl, albeit she was a bit tipsy (quite). This REALLY annoyed me for some reason, jealous-absolutely-on a Halloween party night I would really have loved to be asked home by somebody or gone home with somebody, especially when I am on a program called SEX MAGNET lol (I know I know first stage), and especially when the woman I am seeing didn't get back to me after we made plans to possibly go out this night, and especially when this set is making me as ardent as I am.
Anyway just letting some steam out-in general I am enjoying this set-and everyday it feels more natural and easier.
1. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
