10-26-2011, 11:13 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-26-2011, 11:13 PM by RainbowAbyss.)
Thanks guys-feeling much better alright-I've always been manic-depressive-seeming-nothing serious nor am I diagnosed so I dont really know-but the heavy set subs tend to really deepen and exaggerate the whole up down cycle-especially the depressive is prolonged-maybe from resistance or just brain fatigue-anything with some caffeine and some ginko bilboa really makes me feel better though when I'm brain dead. I also realize how self involved I am a certain level-so bought some of the closest people to me gifts, just a slice of fancy cake for one and a fragrance-d hand sanitizer, just for the hell of it-OMG this not only felt amazing to simply do-but completely made the other people feel acknowledge and some fundamental distress we have been having just disappeared-well at least for now. I realize depression is a very self involved state, I feel self involved is necessary at times, but it can backfire, so perhaps focusing on others during my depressed or difficult period will help-I say that now but the DARKNESS comes on strong-LOL
I went back to the restaurant where I use to work and the waitress, who I knew from working with about, is this really sexy-cute girl with awesome fine work and art tattoos all over her. We had some ok talks but she never seemed that into me, but tonight she was all over me, she rested her breast on my arm when she poured water, grabbed, and touched me several times.
What I am noticing is that girls who may be fluttery around me in general-the moment were alone, kept super focused on me and relaxed.
@Shannon-no doubt in my mind to keep going
it seems to me heavy subs like this are some of the deepest work one can do on themselves I expect a few dark nights of the soul. Anyway crying is like taking an emotional dump-I have a freedom and lightness that is resurfacing now from releasing so much pent up or stuck energy.
@Ryan-it is something I will deal with-I realize a huge cause of it is perpetual fighting with my family-but as our situation is changing-(as of the last few days) things are already looking up.
@Spiral-I'm glad to hear your story-and I use to feel that there is nothing that sux like the one who got away-but I don't follow the relevance-were you saying that there was still a sense of neediness in that u really wanted everything to work out? But when u consciously relax and realize you have your life and your path then its all good? If so thats def. a very good thing to remember. My neediness is (was as of now) more generalized-its like an anxiety about if I am good enough-that was coming up-my attitude once I know a girl for more than a day is gold, once I give her a chance to know me then whatever happens-happens-I don't get attached nor do I particular care-I'm just happy we are together-really!-its moving from zero-to that first day that I have trouble/lack of motivation/anxiety
I went back to the restaurant where I use to work and the waitress, who I knew from working with about, is this really sexy-cute girl with awesome fine work and art tattoos all over her. We had some ok talks but she never seemed that into me, but tonight she was all over me, she rested her breast on my arm when she poured water, grabbed, and touched me several times.
What I am noticing is that girls who may be fluttery around me in general-the moment were alone, kept super focused on me and relaxed.
@Shannon-no doubt in my mind to keep going
it seems to me heavy subs like this are some of the deepest work one can do on themselves I expect a few dark nights of the soul. Anyway crying is like taking an emotional dump-I have a freedom and lightness that is resurfacing now from releasing so much pent up or stuck energy.
@Ryan-it is something I will deal with-I realize a huge cause of it is perpetual fighting with my family-but as our situation is changing-(as of the last few days) things are already looking up.
@Spiral-I'm glad to hear your story-and I use to feel that there is nothing that sux like the one who got away-but I don't follow the relevance-were you saying that there was still a sense of neediness in that u really wanted everything to work out? But when u consciously relax and realize you have your life and your path then its all good? If so thats def. a very good thing to remember. My neediness is (was as of now) more generalized-its like an anxiety about if I am good enough-that was coming up-my attitude once I know a girl for more than a day is gold, once I give her a chance to know me then whatever happens-happens-I don't get attached nor do I particular care-I'm just happy we are together-really!-its moving from zero-to that first day that I have trouble/lack of motivation/anxiety
1. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
