10-25-2011, 10:15 AM
Yeah its alot of fun at times,
things are getting crazier both in good and rough ways.
In general I am just way more in the moment, the profound sense of abundance and
feelings of security concerning women have diminished a bit, and there is lot of a bit of concern if I will ever be able to be with the kind of girls I really find attractive. I'm having ups and down between feeling total secure with body image and sexuality, as well as total relaxation around woman, and a kind of subtle doubt about myself, my body image, kind of like a questioning, hopefully of letting go, of actually ever being that kind of guy that the woman I am attracted to really want.
I am simultaneously much more relaxed in general and getting funnier and more charismatic while also feeling alot like stage 1 2010 of Alpha, annoyance at plenty of things, but MUCH better able to handle it gracefully than I did during 2010 alpha stage 1. I'm alternating between not caring what women think of me so much that I don't notice their attraction or not at all, or am very much really enjoying the crazy IOI's I am getting, but after I get these, especially a few in a row, I just start looking for feedback of how well the sub is doing and well u know...the water never jumps out of a watched pot
. I'm noticing that people seem very submissive around me, especially woman, and at times almost antsy and uncomfortable, there are periods where woman seem really attracted but almost want to get away from me as quickly as possible which is odd. I am feeling so intensely attracted to woman I can barley contain it, and feel like I have to control it in inappropriate situations. Its like I am always experiencing this strong physical sexual tension in myself, not even in my penis, its just all over the body. I was smoking cigarettes this weekend and that seemed to dissipate the tension a bit, but if I have not had sex, interacted with women or been to the gym, at times its hard to handle. I am also way more willing and comfortable trying new things and wanting to. Its like as I am withdrawing more inside I am also finally shedding the fairly insular alpha male cocoon of enjoyment and the masculine void-always looking to return to stillness, now its like I am always looking to 'dance'. I
I went to homecoming back at college this weekend and had a fantastic time, I definitively felt more in the zone with taking action, and at house parties really seemed to shine. I did have an amazing sexual-emotional connection with half costa rican half swiss girl and we made out a bit but she had told me earlier that she was going through rough times and couldn't get involved with anyone-later one in the night though I met up with her again and she was smoking weed with her ex-so I don't know? Makes me sad-in retrospect, at times on this sub I have these feelings of thoughts of never being enough-I try not to buy into it but it comes on strong some times.
On the bright side-I am relating to woman in a totally new way-it feels way more indifferent and flirty with this strong sexual tension beneath, at times its very physical, like could just f---ct right there but at times it feels just way more energetic and almost like a constant shock of electricity between us. One girl I talked to for like 5 minutes facebooked me and sent me a private message saying-her number+'text me'. I texted her and she never responded-I thought the whole thing was kind of funny.
things are getting crazier both in good and rough ways.
In general I am just way more in the moment, the profound sense of abundance and
feelings of security concerning women have diminished a bit, and there is lot of a bit of concern if I will ever be able to be with the kind of girls I really find attractive. I'm having ups and down between feeling total secure with body image and sexuality, as well as total relaxation around woman, and a kind of subtle doubt about myself, my body image, kind of like a questioning, hopefully of letting go, of actually ever being that kind of guy that the woman I am attracted to really want.
I am simultaneously much more relaxed in general and getting funnier and more charismatic while also feeling alot like stage 1 2010 of Alpha, annoyance at plenty of things, but MUCH better able to handle it gracefully than I did during 2010 alpha stage 1. I'm alternating between not caring what women think of me so much that I don't notice their attraction or not at all, or am very much really enjoying the crazy IOI's I am getting, but after I get these, especially a few in a row, I just start looking for feedback of how well the sub is doing and well u know...the water never jumps out of a watched pot
. I'm noticing that people seem very submissive around me, especially woman, and at times almost antsy and uncomfortable, there are periods where woman seem really attracted but almost want to get away from me as quickly as possible which is odd. I am feeling so intensely attracted to woman I can barley contain it, and feel like I have to control it in inappropriate situations. Its like I am always experiencing this strong physical sexual tension in myself, not even in my penis, its just all over the body. I was smoking cigarettes this weekend and that seemed to dissipate the tension a bit, but if I have not had sex, interacted with women or been to the gym, at times its hard to handle. I am also way more willing and comfortable trying new things and wanting to. Its like as I am withdrawing more inside I am also finally shedding the fairly insular alpha male cocoon of enjoyment and the masculine void-always looking to return to stillness, now its like I am always looking to 'dance'. I I went to homecoming back at college this weekend and had a fantastic time, I definitively felt more in the zone with taking action, and at house parties really seemed to shine. I did have an amazing sexual-emotional connection with half costa rican half swiss girl and we made out a bit but she had told me earlier that she was going through rough times and couldn't get involved with anyone-later one in the night though I met up with her again and she was smoking weed with her ex-so I don't know? Makes me sad-in retrospect, at times on this sub I have these feelings of thoughts of never being enough-I try not to buy into it but it comes on strong some times.
On the bright side-I am relating to woman in a totally new way-it feels way more indifferent and flirty with this strong sexual tension beneath, at times its very physical, like could just f---ct right there but at times it feels just way more energetic and almost like a constant shock of electricity between us. One girl I talked to for like 5 minutes facebooked me and sent me a private message saying-her number+'text me'. I texted her and she never responded-I thought the whole thing was kind of funny.
1. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
