Absolute Self-Confidence 5G

[AlphaScorpio]

Yeh makes alot of sense, guess I'm gonna have to just bite the bullet with life.
Think I tend to suppress a lot, as soon as I feel a negative emotion I switch off and disconnect from whatever I'm doing and get in my head.

e.g. I was with a close friend on sunday and we were just having good talk about the night before at the club for my bday etc. was in a good mood.

Then this other guy comes to pick us up cause we were going up a hill to chill and smoke.
When he gets there me and my friend both get in. I start talking to this guy and he talked down to me and made me feel bad, so immediately I got offended started feeling rejection and went quiet and in my head, that was it pretty much for the rest of the journey and when we got to the hill the guy who picked us up answered a phone call while me and my good friend went for a smoke, I still felt in my head and it ruined the vibe, I still managed to talk but just didnt feel much emotion because it was bottled.

I think this is why I avoid a lot of stuff in the outside world in case I get this triggered response...

[SargeMaximus]

Yeh makes alot of sense, guess I'm gonna have to just bite the bullet with life.
Think I tend to suppress a lot, as soon as I feel a negative emotion I switch off and disconnect from whatever I'm doing and get in my head.

e.g. I was with a close friend on sunday and we were just having good talk about the night before at the club for my bday etc. was in a good mood.

Then this other guy comes to pick us up cause we were going up a hill to chill and smoke.
When he gets there me and my friend both get in. I start talking to this guy and he talked down to me and made me feel bad, so immediately I got offended started feeling rejection and went quiet and in my head, that was it pretty much for the rest of the journey and when we got to the hill the guy who picked us up answered a phone call while me and my good friend went for a smoke, I still felt in my head and it ruined the vibe, I still managed to talk but just didnt feel much emotion because it was bottled.

I think this is why I avoid a lot of stuff in the outside world in case I get this triggered response...

Seems to be. I know from what you've said before in this journal, you have trouble with how people perceive you (saying you're gay, or whatnot).

Thing is, words are meaningless.

I want you to think about that for a moment.

Then say something out loud that you know for a fact is not true. Like, say "I'm a millionaire right now." or "Human's live on the moon."

Play with how meaningless words are, and that might help you realize that words people say are just as meaningless. Furthermore, you can have fun with whatever people say.

I told you about how I was talking to a guy once about my movies (a thing I'm VERY passionate about) and he called one of them "gay".

I just accepted it. "It is kinda gay." I said, without even being serious. I wasn't siding with him, I was dismissing what he said by agreeing with him, if you know what I mean.

Also, when you do, finally, start grabbing life by the balls, other people who are less-developed than you in terms of personal growth, well, their opinions aren't worth the air they take to say. Honestly.

The more you distinguish yourself for your OWN reasons, the better life gets.

[AlphaScorpio]

Thanks sarge, lots of good advice in these posts, I appreciate it.

I think I might start tapping on why I dont want to take action with stuff in life.

[AlphaScorpio]

Reading the book "No more mr. nice guy" finished the first few chapters and I can safely say that I do indeed have several characteristics of a nice guy... from seeking approval to procrastination and passive aggression. I am finding this book helpful to identify my past experiences with ex girlfriends, bullies and other people who I have given too much value to when I shouldn't have.

Also recommended this book to my dad, he took the quiz and scored "You are definately a nice guy" so I'm also going to give the book to him for a read...

I'm looking forward to AM 6 not to depend on it for fixing my issues like I have previously used subliminals for but to help propel me in my journey to becoming mature, self-approving and secure in myself. I have realised that I have been relying on external validations or external sources to provide me with a sense of self or acceptance. Power comes from within.

[stratos]

Very well said.

[AlphaScorpio]

After having a cold shower, trimming my facial hair and getting dressed I walk up the stairs to my room, on the way my mum randomly says the most attractive things a girl sees in a man is a man with purpose and a man who can be secure in himself... Not sure why she said that so I asked why
she then said well I know that's your main focus at the moment, you want a girl. I'm not sure why I felt ashamed in that moment but I replied with well which guy doesn't?

I did some quick tapping on the feelings of shame that I felt... Weird, why and how could she of known or perceived that?

I told my mum about the nice guy book and she said something about living blah blah, I think I need to learn to stop caring about what my mum thinks about me cause I feel held back whenever I listen to her. She said "That's just who your dad is" (about him being a bit of a pushover nice guy) I said no it's what he learned from his father and his own experiences, it's not who he is it's what he's learned to be. Taking the dog for a walk now, I'm going to little things everyday that I don't really feel like doing or want to do (freezing cold shower, walking the dog at the park, cleaning room, taking care of hygiene etc.)

[SargeMaximus]

Weird, why and how could she of known or perceived that?

Women can perceive a LOT.

The woman who's hands were all over me at the soap place correctly guessed my age AND what I did for work, without me even hinting, and on the first try.

But the main thing is: STOP caring what other people think or know. Assume they know everything, so you can stop trying to hide yourself, and assume they are irrelevant to your own life's purpose, so you can start living it.

[AlphaScorpio]

Weird, why and how could she of known or perceived that?

The woman who's hands were all over me at the soap place correctly guessed my age AND what I did for work, without me even hinting, and on the first try.

But the main thing is: STOP caring what other people think or know. Assume they know everything, so you can stop trying to hide yourself, and assume they are irrelevant to your own life's purpose, so you can start living it.

That's crazy...Guess they are naturally intuitive beings but man that's some psychic shit!

Yep still all boils down to the fact I give a shit so that's my area of focus, harder to eliminate than to be aware of it but I guess I need to find the deep down reasons why I actually care about what people think and tap on it...

[AlphaScorpio]

Last night I went out to the clubs/bars where my mates live. The beginning of the night I was with one of my best mates jake and we had a pint, played some pool and watched football, pretty chilled but I was bored after a while. We then went and met about 15-20 people in this bar that we knew and some new people as well. My ex was there and I found it pretty damn awkward, when I was there I felt pretty bad, taken out of my comfort zone and when talking to people I just found the more I tried to hide the fact I was anxious/out of my comfort zone the less they looked interested in what I wanted to say. This girl who had too many drinks throughout the night called me faggot, not a real man and gay...bare in mind this girl has daddy issues and is a radical feminist lol. She kept slapping my face and putting her hands on my cheeks in a patronizing way infront of my ex and this other hot girl, I found this shameful and I looked at her like wtf are you doing "Don't give me that look!" she said and I walked off.

When sat down on the sofas I just gave up trying to make conversation with anyone, felt pretty negative and disconnected, invisible barrier between connecting with people. When I had a few more drinks though this all dissolved, became super chatty/not giving a fuck and flirted with the girls and had a masculine presence. Sigh. I hate the fact drink makes me how I want to be normally...

then me, jake and some others all left the bar and headed to this club, I enjoy clubs after a few drinks I really let go and dance 24/7, as much as I thought that they wouldn't be my scene, they actually are really fun for me. Don't need to sit down awkwardly in a pub/bar to chat you can just dance and have women grind on you etc. Me and my mate met this girl who I had known of previously from my old school, she was a HB9 for sure with massive tits lol. She hung around us for the rest of the night and we had a good time, was a funny dynamic having 1 girl between me and jake cause we both were thinking, who's got who? lol

I find that I get started on by other males at clubs fairly regularly, last week one guy grabbed me and told me to stop dancing into him etc. and threatened me, so I just looked straight at him and put my hand on his arm (which was on me) and said "It's all good mate, no problems here, do you have a problem?" with open and relaxed body language, that guy then got escorted out by the bouncers. and last night the same thing happened this big dude just walked over grabbed me and told me fuck off or something so I just did the same thing, calmly and assertivelly said there isn't a problem here whilst looking at him, my mate wanted to fight him and told him to lay off me etc. I just held jake back like nah it's ok. Felt good, I wonder why I seem to attract these kinds of people at clubs?

Overall It was a crazy night, so much more happened but I cba to write that all down. I'm very frustrated that I feel I can't let myself go without a few drinks, it's a shame.

[K-Train]

This is very interesting indeed. What type of crowd is usually at these clubs you go to? Are these clubs located by sketchy surroundings (housing projects, high crime areas,etc.)?

[AlphaScorpio]

Usually these clubs are a mix of people, the one I went to last week was a kind of mix between metal heads/goths who mainly stay downstairs where the metal section is and then the kind of jocks and asshole type people who would hang around in the club area upstairs and mainstream types. It's usually the ass holes that seem to have a problem with me. The place I went to yesterday was mainly assholes and mainstream, a few guys who are probably into crime or do illegal stuff. The place (cheltenham) is actually a very middle class place, there's a decent amount of snobbery, the clubs however have a mix between middle and working class people.

[stratos]

AlphaScorpio, it sounds like both the men and the woman you described are taking a bullying/belittling approach with you. Even your mom to a degree. If that's the pattern it's something to tap on as it seems like something that's coming up extremely consistently. I'd expect after a couple hours of tapping you'd root it out if you put in the time, and then the subs will help fill in the void with a higher level of confidence. A shame issue wrapped around sadness at the core, I'd guess. Can tap on the confusion too about why it's happening and then you'd start getting insights after just a few minutes, I guess.

Question: Why does tapping for a few hours seems like a lot, but time flies online with more mundane things like talking about attracting women. One thing I've been wondering lately.

Prediction: After the tapping gets to the core of the issue, people will stop belittling you. your body language, facial expression, "energy" etc. will no longer permit it to happen. If you want, you can try to create a more confident state or show better body language, but as you've seen in my recent posts I'm not so good at creating the outcome and prefer to do the inner work so the state, body language, etc. is more spontaneous.

[AlphaScorpio]

Wow, this really opened my eyes. I have been in victim mentality for too long. that makes sense why these certain types of people seem to keep popping into my life. My friend ed would bully me by humiliating me with the ED scenario. my other friend would bully me by making me feel unworthy about my opinions or what I think from time to time. My mum bullies me by criticising my desires causing me to feel unworthy. My other friend has bullied me by toying with my emotions. This isn't saying that all my friends are bullies cause it's not like that in all aspects of my relationship with them but it's obviously something that's hindering me from developing self respect and then seeing that manifest in the outside world with more supportive people in my life.

[K-Train]

I think you're definitely spot on for wanting to run AM6.0. I think what you need is some good old fashion Stage 1-3 induced anger to motivate you to start putting boots to asses (metaphorically speaking of course ) and separate yourself from some of the people you're around. Now be warned: at first those people aren't gonna like the fact that you're standing up for yourself. They won't like it ONE BIT because they're used to the AlphaScorpio they can talk down to/belittle. They are most likely going to nag you and attack you with subjective criticisms in an effort to keep you rooted where you are. Don't let that stop you. If they're real friends (I honestly believe most of them aren't, just my opinion of course) then they'll accept the "new" you. If they aren't, they will fall by the wayside.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as aggressive, but it truly pisses me off when I hear about good people like yourself being either taken advantage of or being mistreated by idiots/fake friends/whatever.