11-24-2013, 07:17 PM
(11-24-2013, 12:15 PM)AlphaScorpio Wrote: As always K-Train I appreciate your honesty, it does not offend me at all it instead makes me uncomfortable or tends to at first put me in a state of denial. But in a positive way that helps me see my life more clearly, for what it is. I have realized a few things;
1. The reason why I didn't feel AM5 did anything was not because of the program not working or speakers or headphones not being good enough (cause they were) or exposure time etc. It's because I can remember not wanting to get out the comfort zone. I didn't want to rock the boat and I spent SO much energy subconsciously RESISTING and trying everything NOT to create change that could upset me or other people. Hence some depression and feelings of boredom and frustration. It was FEAR that held me back. Damn that really makes sense. Funny I remember consciously thinking "Sure I'd do anything to be alpha and self respected" My subconscious begged to differ.
2.(I've had an underlying sense of this one for a while) My "Friends" are actually people I've known for 4+ years that I depend on and vice versa who I share common issues/beliefs with. Sure I still like them and enjoy hanging round with them, but they don't give me support, very selfish relationships. I hate saying this, but it's mostly true. Whilst I do believe there were moments of genuine true PURE friendship and relationship, most of it has been a mixture of egos.
Again, I really do appreciate your sincere advice, that's real and I can really respect that. I wish I had more people around me who were sincere and honest. You seem to understand where I'm coming from K-train, have you worked through a similar experience previously in your life or maybe you are just very perceptive?
I'm usually a resistant person, I don't like getting told what to do or what to believe, but I'm 100% adamant that I know real when I see it. That's why I'm tired of fake ass people that I seem to encounter a lot. Of course I can't hold a grudge, we're all selfish to some degree for me it's just about seeing it for what it is and moving on to create what I want. Thanks for the inspiration!
No problem bro. I'm not perfect either, but I've been in a similar boat. Me, myself personally, I had friends that weren't looking for the same things in life i was but I kept them around because we'd known each other since middle school. I joined some organizations around my campus and ran AM2011 and noticed that my social circle began changing. You gotta be willing to cut ties with the riff raff. Once people start seeing you growing, changing, and being successful they typically have two choices 1) accept it and congratulate you or 2) hate on you and/or be indifferent towards your accomplishments. If it's the latter, then that only proves you don't need to be around them anymore.
I think for you the sticking point is that you've been chums with these dudes for so long that you feel comfortable with them even though you're not happy. It's like how some people stay in abusive relationships simply because its more convenient to stay put. Eventually, as your self confidence and self respect increases, you'll naturally move away from them anyway unless they change how they treat you. That's how it happened for me, and I can almost guarantee that others here on the forum can attest that it happened to/for them as well.
One other thing, find reasons to stay at school more. Find an organization or just try to perfect your grades. It sounds like home is a bit too toxic right now and you would be better served by limiting the time you're there. Just a thought.
I'm really hoping Shannon finishes up AM6.0 soon because I'm really anxious to see how it affects you.
