I could see that my mind, my old self is trying to hold myself back. It said what ever I do, I could not have the life that I want. I use subliminal, that I'm hacking, I will lost my ear. Everything that happens now, it just temporary. The internet will break down, you will lost computer, all the sub and you will come back to your old life, so don't try.
Have a similar pattern with ffaux journal. Fear of success, of to be a winner. I go out to play PES with close friend, and my skill have improve a lot. I can credit it to AM, it improved my awareness so I played it better. I almost win, but have a thought that what will happen if I win. My friend is a guy who quite childish, the result in a small game could make him argue. So I stepped back. Not win all matches, but a little. It was like, "I know how good I am, that enough". We play game for fun so why take all the win. This is just a game. I'm not sure this is self-validation, do not need extenal outcomes, or it just a sign that me still a nice guy, a guy who put his life after other's to be safe and perceived as good. Am I lying myself that I have self-validation? Not sure.
Have a similar pattern with ffaux journal. Fear of success, of to be a winner. I go out to play PES with close friend, and my skill have improve a lot. I can credit it to AM, it improved my awareness so I played it better. I almost win, but have a thought that what will happen if I win. My friend is a guy who quite childish, the result in a small game could make him argue. So I stepped back. Not win all matches, but a little. It was like, "I know how good I am, that enough". We play game for fun so why take all the win. This is just a game. I'm not sure this is self-validation, do not need extenal outcomes, or it just a sign that me still a nice guy, a guy who put his life after other's to be safe and perceived as good. Am I lying myself that I have self-validation? Not sure.
