06-03-2015, 01:30 AM
Hey XyzN, I used to use Google Keep on my phone but even when I wake up I don't seem to recall dreams. Or maybe I'm not really waking up...
Today was interesting. So I finally messaged the online girl who's been ignoring me. I took the more, what feels alpha, route and asked if I had bothered her. Normally I would just ignore her and wait because I sent the last text that she ignored. I've always figured if someone has an issue with me they can come to me, I shouldn't have to go and look for problems. She came back and informed me that she was under a lot of stress at work and she didn't know what she wants to do at the moment, plus she is too tired that she can't even think. I get it, I know her work and life situation. A part of me is resentful at the possibility that if I hadn't asked she would never have texted me again. I think that's a dishonest virtue in society these days. It's behaviour like this that makes guys become unlike themselves. I know guys who write negative stuff about women on facebook all because they've had similar experiences.
I replied and accepted what she was saying and wished her luck with everything. I expect a response at least to thank me for understanding or wish me the same.
That's something else that irritates me. Online dating is usually used by women who either need the social value it brings (makes them feel good about themselves etc), or it's used by women who don't necessarily have the time to go out and meet a guy (nurses, shift jobs, etc). The problem is these people who don't have the time to meet someone may also not have the time to actually have a man in their life.
Today was an overall good day. I've started trying to bring sexual intent to my interactions with women. It feels strange actually. Like I'll imagine her naked, or what I might do to her, etc. I tend to bring no sexual intent to anything I do, even when I'm actually approaching a woman to meet her. I had a meeting and I was just remaining in a state, connected to my body. I don't know if it was my imagination but the presenter seemed to hold more eye contact with me. I'd notice her eyes switching around the room, making sure everyone had her attention but then she'd stay with my eye contact for at least 1-3 seconds and sometimes she would then break it but look at my eyes again for a snapshot.
I'm also kind of excited. I've been desperately looking for any notes from any seminars/coaching by a guy named Destin Gerek. He calls himself the Erotic Rockstar I believe. A lot of people will share their notes but couldn't find anything for his seminars. Then I finally found a document on Scribd from a guy who has about 5 differnet exercises that he learnt from this guy.
I had a real eye opener last night. Was downloading lots of sex/masculinity, etc related podcasts and did some searches through more unique search engines. I found a couple of search terms that might make it easier to track down the results. I've been hunting on exercises/practices to help me embody my masculine sexuality. That guy who looks at a women and his whole being is sexually alive. She feels it, is drawn to it. So much out there on the eastern side of things is more aligned with cultivating energy for 'higher' purposes, or transmuting your sexual energy to 'higher' purposes. But I've been looking for stuff around creating a sexual presence. Two potential search terms popped up. Project sexual intent, and creating a sexual vibe. The first one is key. As soon as I read it I realized that's something I don't do.
I want to start watching my finances more. I installed a stock app to manage my shares. They've done poorly for a really long time so this app allows me to set price alerts so I'll sit pretty until they hit my price, hopefully, and then sell. Also got a password manager because I can never remember the login details of my share account, my super account, etc.
I've hit the start of Week 3, Stage 1!
Today was interesting. So I finally messaged the online girl who's been ignoring me. I took the more, what feels alpha, route and asked if I had bothered her. Normally I would just ignore her and wait because I sent the last text that she ignored. I've always figured if someone has an issue with me they can come to me, I shouldn't have to go and look for problems. She came back and informed me that she was under a lot of stress at work and she didn't know what she wants to do at the moment, plus she is too tired that she can't even think. I get it, I know her work and life situation. A part of me is resentful at the possibility that if I hadn't asked she would never have texted me again. I think that's a dishonest virtue in society these days. It's behaviour like this that makes guys become unlike themselves. I know guys who write negative stuff about women on facebook all because they've had similar experiences.
I replied and accepted what she was saying and wished her luck with everything. I expect a response at least to thank me for understanding or wish me the same.
That's something else that irritates me. Online dating is usually used by women who either need the social value it brings (makes them feel good about themselves etc), or it's used by women who don't necessarily have the time to go out and meet a guy (nurses, shift jobs, etc). The problem is these people who don't have the time to meet someone may also not have the time to actually have a man in their life.
Today was an overall good day. I've started trying to bring sexual intent to my interactions with women. It feels strange actually. Like I'll imagine her naked, or what I might do to her, etc. I tend to bring no sexual intent to anything I do, even when I'm actually approaching a woman to meet her. I had a meeting and I was just remaining in a state, connected to my body. I don't know if it was my imagination but the presenter seemed to hold more eye contact with me. I'd notice her eyes switching around the room, making sure everyone had her attention but then she'd stay with my eye contact for at least 1-3 seconds and sometimes she would then break it but look at my eyes again for a snapshot.
I'm also kind of excited. I've been desperately looking for any notes from any seminars/coaching by a guy named Destin Gerek. He calls himself the Erotic Rockstar I believe. A lot of people will share their notes but couldn't find anything for his seminars. Then I finally found a document on Scribd from a guy who has about 5 differnet exercises that he learnt from this guy.
I had a real eye opener last night. Was downloading lots of sex/masculinity, etc related podcasts and did some searches through more unique search engines. I found a couple of search terms that might make it easier to track down the results. I've been hunting on exercises/practices to help me embody my masculine sexuality. That guy who looks at a women and his whole being is sexually alive. She feels it, is drawn to it. So much out there on the eastern side of things is more aligned with cultivating energy for 'higher' purposes, or transmuting your sexual energy to 'higher' purposes. But I've been looking for stuff around creating a sexual presence. Two potential search terms popped up. Project sexual intent, and creating a sexual vibe. The first one is key. As soon as I read it I realized that's something I don't do.
I want to start watching my finances more. I installed a stock app to manage my shares. They've done poorly for a really long time so this app allows me to set price alerts so I'll sit pretty until they hit my price, hopefully, and then sell. Also got a password manager because I can never remember the login details of my share account, my super account, etc.
I've hit the start of Week 3, Stage 1!
