AM6

[eternity]

stage 3 day 4

It's getting hard to remember my dreams now. During stage two, I was pretty good at remembering how vivid my dreams were; it might have had something to do with the fact that I would tell the guy in the bed next to me whatever dream it was, which helped me remember it later on when I came to write about it.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and I felt this weird FEAR overwhelm me. I had to turn off the speakers because it was so scary and I couldn't' go back to sleep. That was some weird shit man.

I'm starting to feel less social as I was during stage 2. Kind of like in stage 1, where I was in a state of introspection. Except there's no introspection here. It's just solidness Maybe that will change this weekend, since I'm going camping with a group of like 30 people, guys and girls. I've been wanting to do something like this for so long, and all of a sudden 3 weeks ago, my friend decides to arrange it. I'm a happy camper now, literally.

It's going to be out in the wilderness, I don't know if I will have access to an outlet for my speakers so I'm just going to have to make do with headphones the whole time. I usually don't have the opportunity to listen more than 8 hours on weekends anyway, so hopefully it won't change anything drastically in terms of exposure, and hopefully I won't have to add on extra days at the end of the stage but we'll see where it goes from there

[JJ54]

I haven't too long had a similar experience you had while on Stage 3. I don't know if it was truly a nightmare or not, but one night I woke up in a cold-sweat and I had to get up out of my bad and sit up in order to control my breathing. I also turned my speaker off in the process. Well it turns out, my blood sugar was running low at the time and I wonder if my brain sensed the danger and woke me up in that manner. As Soon as I got my blood sugar back to normal, I was able to go back to sleep with the speakers back on. I don't know if your experience is the same, but I do know waking up in the middle of the night was my experience as well.

[eternity]

stage 3 day 6

I had a great time at the camping trip over the weekend. I managed to squeeze in some sub listening time at night, so I'm not too far behind in my listening schedule. I could've gotten a few more hours than I did, but I wanted to be present and in the moment with the people I was with.

So I introduced myself to a couple girls I didn't know at the camp site (who was a part of our group), and one of them immediately said "omg M said awesome things about you". She was there with her boyfriend, but throughout the trip, it almost seemed like she was worshipping my presence lol. That was a little weird but it made me feel great XD.

The other girl I introduced myself to didn't seem too keen on talking to me until later at night. Some of the cats there were playing some music and as soon as they put on my kinda electronic music, I started moving and dancing in my seat, and a bunch of the girls were like "[eternitys_child] GET UP AND DANCE" so I did and then more "worshipping" lol.... That's when the other girl I introduced myself to at the beginning started showing her moves with glow poi, which was so badass! She got ten times hotter when she started to do that. Later, she was sitting next to me on the bench and she kept making physical contact with me on the bench so I could tell she liked me, but something held me back from actually making any move and I felt like shit for not doing anything. Like utter shit! I recalled someone on this forum's signature and how it says something about our inabilities with women come from our own beliefs about what they are? I forgot exactly what it said and who's signature it was... but that was a missed opportunity right there, I kind of locked up and didn't know how to go any further from that point.

I made all sorts of rationalizations in my mind like "oh she's in the middle of a divorce" and "oh she's probably got lots of mental problems" but they were all bull shiet and just ways to justify my actions, or lack thereof. I've been conditioning myself to not take any action in those situations for a long time, and that's a factor about me that really needs to change.

Time for dream updates. I had a lucid dream for the first time last night, and it was so dope! It was the second dream.

The first dream was another recurring theme in my dreams. Where I would literally lose foot and start floating around, unable to control where I wanted to go. Those moments spent in the air are very unpleasant because I get stressed out in my dreams from not being able to control my direction and this time was no different. I shortly thereafter woke up, and I told myself "god i got to be able to recognize when I'm floating in my dreams. That's a telltale sign I'm in a dream.

So I went back to sleep, and I was in another dream. It was thanksgiving time, and I went to go pick up the turkey but I started floating again, and then remembered how every time I float, I'm in a dream. So at that moment, I become lucid, and control my way back down to the ground, reminding myself not to freak out and get too excited and wake myself up, and as soon as I consciously pick up the turkey in my dream, I get way too excited and wake up. LOL

My own interpretation of my floating dreams is that I am lacking control and/or a sense of direction in certain areas of my life.

[eternity]

Stage 3 day 7
I had a dream that I finally started getting my back piece tattoo, but my tattoo artist screwed up on the second chakra. I wonder if that has any significance to reality? Second chakra relates to sex and material possessions.

He also put the 6th chakra (3rd eye) on my forehead instead of on my back and it looked really wild LOL. I wonder if that has anything to do with my real life insight and intuition?

I plan on getting my back piece from the same artist who has done both of my other tattoos, and the dream was a reminder that I need to get up on it. I love tattoos

How does this relate to AM6? I have no idea. But it's an update, regardless.

[eternity]

stage 3 day 8
I forgot to add a couple things to my post on sunday regarding the camping trip.

I think I unknowingly challenged one of the guys that was there. I had never met him in my life, but he came over while a group of us were sitting around the campfire and demanded that I get up from his chair. I said "ok man, no worries". It turns out it wasn't even his chair lol. I ended up having no where to sit, because I gave in to that. So I just went to take a nap like I was planning on anyway.

I remember reading somewhere on the forum that the transcendent alpha is displaying alpha characteristics that are completely independent of the standard alpha chain of command. I was either displaying these characteristics, based on what he observed of me, or I was an easy target to 'bully' out of a seat since he didn't know who I was.

---
Yesterday I think I got near 20 hours of exposure in. 8 while sleeping, 9 while at work, + 3 interspersed throughout the day while driving and sitting in meetings, played out of my kindle fire (stereo speakers, but on the lower quality end). Near the end of the day I was PASSING out. I could barely drive! At some point in my sleep, my right speaker got flipped upside down so I didn't get optimum listening. It's about time I start watching how I eat, too. If my brain is consuming way more glucose than before, it needs to be refueled in a healthy manner as well. 5 cups of coffee daily is just not doing the trick anymore. Sure, I enjoy the tweak but it doesn't keep me "awake". And at night, I can sleep a looong time and not feel rested when I get up. So I shall go shopping today! and buy froots and veggies to snack on this week.

[eternity]

stage 3 day 9

I really don't know if I'm seeing anything happen in stage 3. I hope I'm not messing up somehow.

Anyway I forgot to mention yesterday that in my dream of the night previous, my ex and I were getting back together and it was like high school all over again, where we had to hide our relationship from her parents.

I also read a part of Shannon's SM journal (THANK GLAIZEN YOU ROCK) where current behavior regarding women may have something to do with a need to heal from past relationships. That's huge man, it hit home for me. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble getting close to girls now, whereas before it would be a piece of cake. I feel like I'm struggling in the women department compared with when I was 16-20, being in a really intense and unhealthy relationship with the above girl from 20-21. A huge part of me is still really attached to that girl and the intense roller coaster of a relationship, as much as I want to play as if I'm not.

---

I also saw the girl from the camping trip yesterday night at the 8pm meeting. She hugged me twice, and it was a very tight hug, like "i don't want to let you go" type thing.


--

So yeah I'll keep trudging the stage 3, hopefully something will come out of it but I'll try to keep expectations low to nonexistant. (the "big guns" had me expecting a lot rofl)

[GlaizenGold777]

Thanks for the shout my friend. :-)

I'm using AM for the second round after my relationship is break. On stage one, 32 days straight, I dream about my ex (yeah this is crazy experience lol), but MAYBE because my total exposure of stage one is 528 hours (avg 16.5hours/day), my resistance is destroyed like BAM!

What I want to say, is, try to increase your exposure, more exposure = more resistance kill. Shannon said it. And if subliminal contain type D (manifestation), it's best to listen 21-23 hours/day (23 hours if you are strong enough of course, if not, just hit 21 max).

And. Good luck on your journey, eternitys_child.

[eternity]

Glaizen,

I'm up to like 18 hours a day exposure right now.

9 hrs: Guaranteed 11 pm to 8:00 AM at night
8 hrs: Guaranteed 10 AM to 6 PM @ work
1 hr: 8pm- 9pm during meeting (using stereo speakers from kindle fire hd)

plus any more I can squeeze throughout the day, although I prefer to have silent time in the mornings to give my brain a chance to wake up from a night of intense work.

I really don't think I'm having any resistance. Maybe I am, and just don't know about it? and as for being "strong enough", I'd like to think I'm a lot stronger than most people, having been to hell and returned, and living a life trying not to go back to hell. So any resistance would seem like a walk in the park compared to past experience. But will I really benefit from listening 23 hours a day? That's only 1 hour of rest for my brain. And I might not be able to keep up with the 23 hours a day for the rest of the stages, because I don't want to be glued to my headphones when life is happening around me.

Thanks for the advice budday.

[eternity]

stage 3 day 10

I've noticed some behaviors that are different from past behaviors. I can't necessarily pinpoint it to being stage 3 but I can attribute it to AM6 in general.

Negative self talk is at an all time low. In fact, the battlefield that is my mind has slowed down a lot in general. It's still a minefield though. I'm more present, and in control of myself. The only way I can objectify it is by sharing that I've been getting told by lots of people how good it seems like I'm doing nowadays.

I'm blunt and upfront with a lot of stuff now, and have no second thought of how or what to say in a situation.

Examples:
The other night, Colin was saying during wrap up how he's usually pretty cool to accept criticism and as he said that I'm shaking my head no. He got a little hurt about that, and I felt bad for doing it in front of everybody but it was total bullshit what he said. So I stepped in and corrected him LOL but I didn't necessarily need to do that; the situation would have been ok without my input. I would not have done this a few month ago.

Yesterday at wrap up, Jeff was right next to me and when we got into closing circle, I smelled his stench and told him afterward that he smelled like a homeless person. I didn't feel the need to word it any better, I was just calling it like it is. I would DEFINITELY not have said it that way if I did say anything, if it were a few months ago. I would think about it but not say anything about it.

I'm getting irritated by people at work. Like REALLY irritated. I can see people bullshitting with their time, and it's annoying because I end up having to pick up some more slack on their behalf.; The crazy thing is, not too long ago I was in their shoes! And to an extent, still am. So why am I getting annoyed by things that I'm guilty of myself?! hypocrisy is what it feels like :/

[eternity]

stage 3 day 11

OK I think the placebo effect has started to die down and now I'm finally seeing real subliminal results from stage 3. Most notably, the circle of friends. I didn't even realize it until I thought about it a few hours ago, but every night this past week, my room mates and I have been gathering around the table in the garage, smoking hookah, and bonding. We have taken to calling it "bro time" lol. With exception for one guy, we all make it a point to not use our light up devices (phones/tablets/comps/tv) and enjoy each others company. We talk about whatever's going on in our lives, in recovery, etc.

Old homeless guy smelling J moved to another house today, and T from the main house moved into my current house. Now the 4 guys in this room + me is a totally awesome group. It's so hard to prove manifestation as real, but I'm almost certain the manifestation is happening.

[eternity]

stage 3 day 14

Excerpt from my personal journal.......


I'm curious how this manifestation thing is supposed to work. I have a feeling that in 2 months, I'm going to think to myself how silly and petty the things I am feeling right now compare to what I'll be experiencing then. I see big things happening. I have been made aware that manifestation takes at least 90 days to show up, so a lot of what I'm experiencing is from placebo. LOL But hey, placebo is a real thing and has been studied extensively in the early 1900's so just because it's placebo doesn't make it any less reality. I'm just saying that if the placebo effects seem significant now, I wonder how strong the REAL manifestation is going to be when it hits. My excitement for the future is decently strong, but it's not like an anxious type of excitement like I would have had in the past. There's more of an understanding that life is going to happen between now and when I finish the program, and the whole point of being a master of myself is to experience the fullest existence in the here and now.

[Shannon]

Placebo almost never lasts more than about 2 weeks. It's too challenging for the conscious to maintain it in the face of what the subconscious wants. You can't have had placebo results for 2-3 months.

23 hours a day refers to the max for 4G. The max for 5G is hard limit of 21 hours. The results if you exceed this are extraordinary mental exhaustion. Your brain needs more time to rest and process 5G than 1 hour a day.

[eternity]

I was thinking placebo more in the circle of friends manifestation, but in my current situation it's kind of hard to gauge it, since I'm around people all day every day. And it's even harder to be objective about it, especially gauging my own reality when I'm positively biased to what I want to believe.

A lot (if not all) my other results are DEFINITELY the results of the programming.

[eternity]

Stage 3 Day 16

Yesterday and today have been horrible. I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of impending doom. Some very unhealthy decisions are seeming like a super bright idea right now, despite the consequences. I ended up telling T at the house yesterday something I've never told another human being, which might have contributed to the insanity. And that is a major source of guilt and shame.

Anger. Depression. Irritability. Guilt. Shame.

I feel like throwing away everything I've worked for this past 6 months.

I'm chalking this up as a win for resistance, but only for this battle.