stage 4 day 9
Dreamtime:
Three nights in a row I had drug/drinking dreams. They were intense, and every night I woke up freaked out, hoping I didn't drink or drug. Is the dream communicating something to me? It's been 3 nights in a row. Maybe the dreams have something to do with the next sentence:
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I've relapsed into needy behavior. I found myself texting girls to find comfort in the attention I'm getting by them. I manifested a completely backwards behavior. It's been a few days that I've been like this; I'd say since around Wednesday of last week.
I think I've fallen into the trap thinking it's all about the women. AM6 is supposed to be training me to be comfortable with me, and facilitate growth within myself and for myself; not for anybody else.
In other words, it ain't about the bitches. it's about me.
In other news, I'm about 1/3 of the way done with How to win friends and influence people. Maniac, if you're reading this.... a lot of the first part of the book uses political references to state the point. But it only uses the people as reference; it doesn't really involve any sort of political drama, except how the people referenced were able to win friends and influence others.
I get to practice talking to new people every day between 7 pm and 9:30 pm at AA meetings. I've been using what I'm learning from the book, combined with the power of the subs to talk to the new guy who's coming in fresh off the streets, showing him some compassion, and relating and identifying with him. It's cool because I feel a sense of purpose helping out a person who's seemingly hopeless in the state of their mind and body, a state from which I have recovered.
Unfortunately, I've already seen 4 people die this year, so that's hard... the odds are stacked against dopefiends and drunks.
ANYWAY I'm sick AGAIN. I've gotten sick every stage at around the 5th day of starting the stage. WTF is with this? Is physical ailment supposed to be related in some way to resistance? growth? does it mean anything?????
resistance is a bitch
Dreamtime:
Three nights in a row I had drug/drinking dreams. They were intense, and every night I woke up freaked out, hoping I didn't drink or drug. Is the dream communicating something to me? It's been 3 nights in a row. Maybe the dreams have something to do with the next sentence:
------------------------
I've relapsed into needy behavior. I found myself texting girls to find comfort in the attention I'm getting by them. I manifested a completely backwards behavior. It's been a few days that I've been like this; I'd say since around Wednesday of last week.
I think I've fallen into the trap thinking it's all about the women. AM6 is supposed to be training me to be comfortable with me, and facilitate growth within myself and for myself; not for anybody else.
In other words, it ain't about the bitches. it's about me.
In other news, I'm about 1/3 of the way done with How to win friends and influence people. Maniac, if you're reading this.... a lot of the first part of the book uses political references to state the point. But it only uses the people as reference; it doesn't really involve any sort of political drama, except how the people referenced were able to win friends and influence others.
I get to practice talking to new people every day between 7 pm and 9:30 pm at AA meetings. I've been using what I'm learning from the book, combined with the power of the subs to talk to the new guy who's coming in fresh off the streets, showing him some compassion, and relating and identifying with him. It's cool because I feel a sense of purpose helping out a person who's seemingly hopeless in the state of their mind and body, a state from which I have recovered.
Unfortunately, I've already seen 4 people die this year, so that's hard... the odds are stacked against dopefiends and drunks.
ANYWAY I'm sick AGAIN. I've gotten sick every stage at around the 5th day of starting the stage. WTF is with this? Is physical ailment supposed to be related in some way to resistance? growth? does it mean anything?????
resistance is a bitch
