02-25-2015, 09:34 PM
stage 2 day 20
God dang, I'm looking back on the decision to quit tobacco and I'm thinking WTF "was that really me making the decision?" Without trying to over analyze it, it might be the Optimus Engine I've been reading about. Making any necessary changes to achieve the goal. I don't want to say that's a for sure, though. Because I can't tell the future and I may well relapse on tobacco, but I can say for certain now I'M DONE. I'm surrounded by it all day every day (being in a halfway house filled with smokers and dippers), and even more people who vape. It doesn't seem to bother me one bit. BUT I feel like taking something and shattering it into a million pieces. this withdrawal is no joke.
I had also started getting SOME physical activity last week; in the garage, we have some workout weights. Since I can't necessarily afford a gym membership nor find time to go, I have been using what I can in the garage. Granted, the past week it was very sporadic and maybe one set of lifts, which I could barely call working out. But yesterday, I started to lift in sets, doing at least 20 minutes worth of activity. Today was even more, as I took out my frustration and desire to destroy stuff on the weights. It was pretty relieving.
Now I'm starting to wonder why the hell have I been wasting all my time since I've been living here 4 months. Imagine how much better shape I'd be in if I had done this every day! well, no use beating myself up because there's always time to start.
Oh, something else that's uncharacteristic of me is that I got my haircut last week, before it got to the length I usually let it get to (which is really long). I usually wait far too long to cut my hair, and it ends up getting into that awkward length in between looking good short and looking good long. So it would look weird in the middle. The point I'm trying to make by writing this is that I am taking more conscious care of my appearance.
Tonight, after the house big book study, I told morgan and gabby that I would take them to their respective houses. Gabby sat in the middle, morgan sat in the passenger seat in my truck and when morgan left, gabby stayed in the middle. It was really cold outside, so it may have been because of that, or she just felt comfortable around me. It's worth noting that I had 1 drop of A314 on my neck as of 7:20 pm, so that would be worth taking into account also.
Well that was my spiel for tonight. I still feel like smashing something into a wall. Every cell of my being wants nicotine. I kind of used this post to kill some time and to vent.... so thanks for reading if you read this. lol.
God dang, I'm looking back on the decision to quit tobacco and I'm thinking WTF "was that really me making the decision?" Without trying to over analyze it, it might be the Optimus Engine I've been reading about. Making any necessary changes to achieve the goal. I don't want to say that's a for sure, though. Because I can't tell the future and I may well relapse on tobacco, but I can say for certain now I'M DONE. I'm surrounded by it all day every day (being in a halfway house filled with smokers and dippers), and even more people who vape. It doesn't seem to bother me one bit. BUT I feel like taking something and shattering it into a million pieces. this withdrawal is no joke.
I had also started getting SOME physical activity last week; in the garage, we have some workout weights. Since I can't necessarily afford a gym membership nor find time to go, I have been using what I can in the garage. Granted, the past week it was very sporadic and maybe one set of lifts, which I could barely call working out. But yesterday, I started to lift in sets, doing at least 20 minutes worth of activity. Today was even more, as I took out my frustration and desire to destroy stuff on the weights. It was pretty relieving.
Now I'm starting to wonder why the hell have I been wasting all my time since I've been living here 4 months. Imagine how much better shape I'd be in if I had done this every day! well, no use beating myself up because there's always time to start.
Oh, something else that's uncharacteristic of me is that I got my haircut last week, before it got to the length I usually let it get to (which is really long). I usually wait far too long to cut my hair, and it ends up getting into that awkward length in between looking good short and looking good long. So it would look weird in the middle. The point I'm trying to make by writing this is that I am taking more conscious care of my appearance.
Tonight, after the house big book study, I told morgan and gabby that I would take them to their respective houses. Gabby sat in the middle, morgan sat in the passenger seat in my truck and when morgan left, gabby stayed in the middle. It was really cold outside, so it may have been because of that, or she just felt comfortable around me. It's worth noting that I had 1 drop of A314 on my neck as of 7:20 pm, so that would be worth taking into account also.
Well that was my spiel for tonight. I still feel like smashing something into a wall. Every cell of my being wants nicotine. I kind of used this post to kill some time and to vent.... so thanks for reading if you read this. lol.
