02-10-2015, 12:16 PM
stage 1 day 28
I had a dream last night where I was shooting adderall. I was running around the house trying to find a safe place to do that, but my dad kept following me around. I remember walking around with the needle in my pocket and there was blood in the syringe.
Additional notes of changes in self:
*-less negative self talk
*-gradual increase of comfort in my own skin
*-insane resistance for 2 days where I wanted to get high very bad
*-been fapping again to relieve sexual frustration which is growing
I also saw a girl D at a meeting today, who I've known since November. I caught up a bit with her and she maintained pretty strong eye contact with me. At one point she looked down for a while and I asked her "Who's the lucky guy" because of the ring she was wearing. She was like "are you fucking psychic?" and I think it's because she was thinking about the guy while she was looking down. then i point out the ring, and she said her grandmother gave it to her. I was showing the new guy my favorite part of the big book, page 25 where it starts with "There is a solution" and ends with "rocketed into a 4th dimension of existence", and D mentioned "that is so you [eternitys_child]". I asked why and she said because she saw me post it on facebook once. I played it off like nothing but inside I was really glad she paid that much attention to me, even if it was something very little. I really like D, she's such a great person and exudes a sexy aura about her. I can definitely get lost in her eyes, they are so beautiful. I can't make a move right now because My sponsor made sure to say I shouldn't go out of my way to get into a relationship this early in recovery. Not to mention I have a very low sense of my ability to attract women. But now that I think about it, I'm sure my negative self talk about the subject has a LOT to do with it. I can certainly benefit from thinking of myself as a sexy confident attractive guy. I have bouts of self confidence but I have definitely convinced myself negatively. I'm hoping the subs will help with that, considering how much I've already grown in stage one of AM6
I had a dream last night where I was shooting adderall. I was running around the house trying to find a safe place to do that, but my dad kept following me around. I remember walking around with the needle in my pocket and there was blood in the syringe.
Additional notes of changes in self:
*-less negative self talk
*-gradual increase of comfort in my own skin
*-insane resistance for 2 days where I wanted to get high very bad
*-been fapping again to relieve sexual frustration which is growing
I also saw a girl D at a meeting today, who I've known since November. I caught up a bit with her and she maintained pretty strong eye contact with me. At one point she looked down for a while and I asked her "Who's the lucky guy" because of the ring she was wearing. She was like "are you fucking psychic?" and I think it's because she was thinking about the guy while she was looking down. then i point out the ring, and she said her grandmother gave it to her. I was showing the new guy my favorite part of the big book, page 25 where it starts with "There is a solution" and ends with "rocketed into a 4th dimension of existence", and D mentioned "that is so you [eternitys_child]". I asked why and she said because she saw me post it on facebook once. I played it off like nothing but inside I was really glad she paid that much attention to me, even if it was something very little. I really like D, she's such a great person and exudes a sexy aura about her. I can definitely get lost in her eyes, they are so beautiful. I can't make a move right now because My sponsor made sure to say I shouldn't go out of my way to get into a relationship this early in recovery. Not to mention I have a very low sense of my ability to attract women. But now that I think about it, I'm sure my negative self talk about the subject has a LOT to do with it. I can certainly benefit from thinking of myself as a sexy confident attractive guy. I have bouts of self confidence but I have definitely convinced myself negatively. I'm hoping the subs will help with that, considering how much I've already grown in stage one of AM6
