02-10-2015, 11:53 AM
stage 1 day 9
I've noticed that I haven't been posting on facebook lately. It seems to me the reason I would post a lot on facebook was because of attention seeking behavior, which I am clearly not exhibiting right now. I also haven't fapped in 3 days. I have a confident strut in my walk. and I feel like I'm walking with confidence and style, but I still walk fast as usual. Maybe I'm slowing down slightly but I am not sure.
I got asked to sit in on a conversation between a client and our graphic designer to understand and give input on what the client wanted while communicating to the designer. I was able to elicit a good response out of the client and the designer messaged me afterward saying :
V: ugh you are a lifesaver
Sent at 12:22 PM on Wednesday
V: i cant just spew the perfect words like you
I've noticed that I stutter a lot when I talk, but the way I've been communicating the past week has been more extroverted rather than as monotonous as before. I feel like I'm slowly starting to get the charisma that I used to have before I started doing mad drugs.
Getting up on time is very hard though, I feel extremely tired when waking up and I don't feel very rested. I haven't been taking naps so I have been relying on fladrafinil and large amounts of coffee throughout the day to keep me going. The ringing in my ears is pretty loud when I'm not listening to the sub but it's not debilitating. It's noticeable, but it doesn't really affect me although I caught myself trying to find the location of the feedback once today.
Some things I feel a lot of guilt and shame about from the past have been coming up. Yesterday I felt strong embarrassment for my behavior on qatar airways plane going to india. Today I had strong feelings of using stimulants came up, and I prayed it away. I need to keep myself in check, and constantly remind myself that I am an addict & alcoholic and cannot use drugs to cover up my pain. This can be an incredibly vulnerable period for me if I don't keep myself maintained. I figure that AM 6.0 is going to bring up a lot of my past so that I can face it head on and grow from the experiences, thereby overcoming my past. I'm finally starting to notice the "bull shit detection" other people talk about in their journals. Small stuff like what girls posted on their facebook and a room mate walking through the sliding glass doors frustrated me.
It also feels like time is moving a lot more slowly at various parts of the day. Either it has to do with me quitting IOP and just working 9-5, or what but I do notice time is going by slower. Maybe my thoughts are going faster.
I've noticed that I haven't been posting on facebook lately. It seems to me the reason I would post a lot on facebook was because of attention seeking behavior, which I am clearly not exhibiting right now. I also haven't fapped in 3 days. I have a confident strut in my walk. and I feel like I'm walking with confidence and style, but I still walk fast as usual. Maybe I'm slowing down slightly but I am not sure.
I got asked to sit in on a conversation between a client and our graphic designer to understand and give input on what the client wanted while communicating to the designer. I was able to elicit a good response out of the client and the designer messaged me afterward saying :
V: ugh you are a lifesaver
Sent at 12:22 PM on Wednesday
V: i cant just spew the perfect words like you
I've noticed that I stutter a lot when I talk, but the way I've been communicating the past week has been more extroverted rather than as monotonous as before. I feel like I'm slowly starting to get the charisma that I used to have before I started doing mad drugs.
Getting up on time is very hard though, I feel extremely tired when waking up and I don't feel very rested. I haven't been taking naps so I have been relying on fladrafinil and large amounts of coffee throughout the day to keep me going. The ringing in my ears is pretty loud when I'm not listening to the sub but it's not debilitating. It's noticeable, but it doesn't really affect me although I caught myself trying to find the location of the feedback once today.
Some things I feel a lot of guilt and shame about from the past have been coming up. Yesterday I felt strong embarrassment for my behavior on qatar airways plane going to india. Today I had strong feelings of using stimulants came up, and I prayed it away. I need to keep myself in check, and constantly remind myself that I am an addict & alcoholic and cannot use drugs to cover up my pain. This can be an incredibly vulnerable period for me if I don't keep myself maintained. I figure that AM 6.0 is going to bring up a lot of my past so that I can face it head on and grow from the experiences, thereby overcoming my past. I'm finally starting to notice the "bull shit detection" other people talk about in their journals. Small stuff like what girls posted on their facebook and a room mate walking through the sliding glass doors frustrated me.
It also feels like time is moving a lot more slowly at various parts of the day. Either it has to do with me quitting IOP and just working 9-5, or what but I do notice time is going by slower. Maybe my thoughts are going faster.
