11-06-2014, 09:51 PM
Late, but might as well bring my thoughts onto the screen.
I pirated AM a while back when I felt myself losing control of my life. Obsessions of Pot, Porn, and self deprecation.
Id pity myself for just laying in bed all day, wishing I just didnt have the option to be such a lazy fuck. I didnt know where to start: All I did was read self help, cannabis studies, and brain chemistry. Ive come to the conclusion that most of this shit is worthless paradoxes that end up at dead ends. I feel like I know a lot of things that could make someone a super human if given the chance, but at the same time, I feel the exact opposite, doing everything "perfectly" from study to study. I think the term of my state is called Monk Dick. Anyways. Enough useless chatter.
Stage 1 I felt kind of good. I think it was mainly placebo, mixed with the programming. no resistance.
Stage 2 was similar, but still nothing noticable
Stage 3 I started having realizations of this wasting of time, so i spent more time looking into how to chemically make myself stronger. I was scared because i thought that i was a shizoid, and thats what made me socially awkward. Ive had girlfriends, but it was mainly because of my appearance. I was Beta boy, and they were infatuated like crazy, but after so many months, they all turned to shit. One making me feel like committing suicide, and the next, i took for complete advantage, as i didnt really like the girl, i honestly just wanted someone to love. Fucking pitiful. Even now as I look back at messages sent to these women, i feel embarrassed as hell. Prince charming my ass.
Stage 4, i kept having reoccuring issues where i felt like i was doing everything wrong. I hated myself for knowing from the beginning that i stole from Shannon something that he had spent such a long time working on. I Absolutely wanted to pay him from the very beginning, but i had no drive (which is slowly building now), and knew that Id have to beg my parents for money since i dont even have a job. Eventually, however, i cracked, and borrowed money for the program to work completely. I know now that all i can do is place all my trust in this program and that things will work out perfectly, and i can jumpstart my life, since i was born from a place of stability, money, antisociability, videogaming, and overall, wasting my life, which i didnt give a fuck about till now.
Stage 5 now. I now own this program officially, and feel more obligated to get around 14-16 hours exposure a day. Using it during the day however, i feel even more antisocial. The words just dont flow into my head, and I think thats just a sign that my mind is working hard to process all this information going in. I feel a slight depression as well, and it makes me feel even more beta. I feel left out, and alone.
I thought id feel depressed much earlier on. Im wondering if the pirated version i stole wasnt stolen correctly. Hopefully i didnt waste all those months. Irreguardless all i can do is move forward with what i have.
I dumped my last girlfriend last month due to a feeling of being un-appreciated, and knowledge of my beta behavior not being completely gone, i knew itd mess with the chance of a LTR. It hurts to know that we will never be together again, but at the same time, i know that ill be polygamus at the end of this program. It only seems fair to myself.
Workingout, self-help, Inner game, Reddit-red pill, Subliminals, occasional research binges, and trying to become a better conversationalist are my current go to's. Hopefully this makes me more of an extrovert in the end. Thats kind of all i wanted in the beginning other than being 100% in control of my actions.
Anyways. Thats an end to my journal for now. I dont really expect any
responses since AM5 isnt the main hype atm, and i wrote a shit load, but im still gonna keep to it.
Ciao fuckers
I pirated AM a while back when I felt myself losing control of my life. Obsessions of Pot, Porn, and self deprecation.
Id pity myself for just laying in bed all day, wishing I just didnt have the option to be such a lazy fuck. I didnt know where to start: All I did was read self help, cannabis studies, and brain chemistry. Ive come to the conclusion that most of this shit is worthless paradoxes that end up at dead ends. I feel like I know a lot of things that could make someone a super human if given the chance, but at the same time, I feel the exact opposite, doing everything "perfectly" from study to study. I think the term of my state is called Monk Dick. Anyways. Enough useless chatter.
Stage 1 I felt kind of good. I think it was mainly placebo, mixed with the programming. no resistance.
Stage 2 was similar, but still nothing noticable
Stage 3 I started having realizations of this wasting of time, so i spent more time looking into how to chemically make myself stronger. I was scared because i thought that i was a shizoid, and thats what made me socially awkward. Ive had girlfriends, but it was mainly because of my appearance. I was Beta boy, and they were infatuated like crazy, but after so many months, they all turned to shit. One making me feel like committing suicide, and the next, i took for complete advantage, as i didnt really like the girl, i honestly just wanted someone to love. Fucking pitiful. Even now as I look back at messages sent to these women, i feel embarrassed as hell. Prince charming my ass.
Stage 4, i kept having reoccuring issues where i felt like i was doing everything wrong. I hated myself for knowing from the beginning that i stole from Shannon something that he had spent such a long time working on. I Absolutely wanted to pay him from the very beginning, but i had no drive (which is slowly building now), and knew that Id have to beg my parents for money since i dont even have a job. Eventually, however, i cracked, and borrowed money for the program to work completely. I know now that all i can do is place all my trust in this program and that things will work out perfectly, and i can jumpstart my life, since i was born from a place of stability, money, antisociability, videogaming, and overall, wasting my life, which i didnt give a fuck about till now.
Stage 5 now. I now own this program officially, and feel more obligated to get around 14-16 hours exposure a day. Using it during the day however, i feel even more antisocial. The words just dont flow into my head, and I think thats just a sign that my mind is working hard to process all this information going in. I feel a slight depression as well, and it makes me feel even more beta. I feel left out, and alone.
I thought id feel depressed much earlier on. Im wondering if the pirated version i stole wasnt stolen correctly. Hopefully i didnt waste all those months. Irreguardless all i can do is move forward with what i have.
I dumped my last girlfriend last month due to a feeling of being un-appreciated, and knowledge of my beta behavior not being completely gone, i knew itd mess with the chance of a LTR. It hurts to know that we will never be together again, but at the same time, i know that ill be polygamus at the end of this program. It only seems fair to myself.
Workingout, self-help, Inner game, Reddit-red pill, Subliminals, occasional research binges, and trying to become a better conversationalist are my current go to's. Hopefully this makes me more of an extrovert in the end. Thats kind of all i wanted in the beginning other than being 100% in control of my actions.
Anyways. Thats an end to my journal for now. I dont really expect any
responses since AM5 isnt the main hype atm, and i wrote a shit load, but im still gonna keep to it.
Ciao fuckers
Im competing against the me I want to be till i'm better than him.
Im Working on It.
No matter sick or weather, forever getting better.
Current Jam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jVYCZwcBGM
Recommendations: Book of Pook (Pook), Models (Mark Manson), Alphamale2.0 (Blackdragon)
Im Working on It.
No matter sick or weather, forever getting better.
Current Jam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jVYCZwcBGM
Recommendations: Book of Pook (Pook), Models (Mark Manson), Alphamale2.0 (Blackdragon)
