Just started stage 5 last night. It's been an interesting set of building block type changes thus far, mostly more of the same noted prior. Very often I'd feel great one day, then two steps back the next.. Almost as though each stage goes through a 3 step cycle: you "get it," then you get knocked down or kicked around the same old problematic sources, and then you come back grounded with everything solidified.
Toward the end of stage 4, the irritableness died down. For a while there it really sucked... People were pissng me off constantly, little things were driving me insane, and any sign of disrespect or inconsiderate behavior would have me wanting to jump over the table and strangle the hell out of someone until they came to their senses. It was worth it though, now that things are starting to settle in, I feel more grounded.
At times I've felt a bit narcissistic. However, I still know deep down I'm a kind hearted man who truly cares for those close to me. Outside of that, nothing comes to those who don't take it - seems to be a common state of mind.
I flat out CANNOT take shit from people at certain stages of this sub. I really feel like I will physically escalate if its not minimized immediately, or if its of the female or family dynamic, I have to leave immediately. If not, applying self control and sticking it out is a headache and instant mental/physical stress. The urge to rectify or move away from the source is very high. Tolerance nice level for catty shit is down to zero.
I'd like to say I'd like to journal about this more, but part of me doesn't feel the need to at times. That and it's more difficult during the irritating times/stages.
All in all, I'm loving this. I listen to this religiously any time I sleep. I'm thinking I'd like to do all stages again, and maybe try some headphones next time. Although now I'm intrigued about other subs and want to try everything.
Edit: reading my earlier entires after writing this one, seems like I'm saying the same things over and over! Lol
Toward the end of stage 4, the irritableness died down. For a while there it really sucked... People were pissng me off constantly, little things were driving me insane, and any sign of disrespect or inconsiderate behavior would have me wanting to jump over the table and strangle the hell out of someone until they came to their senses. It was worth it though, now that things are starting to settle in, I feel more grounded.
At times I've felt a bit narcissistic. However, I still know deep down I'm a kind hearted man who truly cares for those close to me. Outside of that, nothing comes to those who don't take it - seems to be a common state of mind.
I flat out CANNOT take shit from people at certain stages of this sub. I really feel like I will physically escalate if its not minimized immediately, or if its of the female or family dynamic, I have to leave immediately. If not, applying self control and sticking it out is a headache and instant mental/physical stress. The urge to rectify or move away from the source is very high. Tolerance nice level for catty shit is down to zero.
I'd like to say I'd like to journal about this more, but part of me doesn't feel the need to at times. That and it's more difficult during the irritating times/stages.
All in all, I'm loving this. I listen to this religiously any time I sleep. I'm thinking I'd like to do all stages again, and maybe try some headphones next time. Although now I'm intrigued about other subs and want to try everything.
Edit: reading my earlier entires after writing this one, seems like I'm saying the same things over and over! Lol
