09-15-2013, 04:29 AM
Day 15 Stage One
The past day and this morning I've been having a lot of mental flashbacks and thinking about my past when I was in high school. I felt like I was "sleepwalking" in those years and they just kind of passed me by. There were so many girls that I could have had, but I never did anything to make it happen. I was just lacking confidence in myself. It also didn't help that I was nearly 300 pounds, due to other things that were going on in my life.
The way I was raised, I was the youngest and my older brother would always say demeaning things to me so I grew up thinking I was a messed up kid because I didn't listen to the same music as every one else. I was a messed up kid because until I was in high school i had very few friends. My brother used to spread untruthful rumors about me around our elementary school so no one would want to be around me. I was extremely depressed internally.
This one girl at my job back then (when I was about 16-19) started to get extremely physical with me and basically wanted to fuck, but her bf of 5 years worked there too and I was pretty close to him as well. I'm not sure if she was using me to get back at him or what. I didn't want to get involved in that whole thing.
The fact that this girl wanted me so bad and got extremely physical in front of everyone, not to mention the fact that she was one of the hottest girls that worked there caused all the other females in the workplace to want me, and literally I ended up getting physical with basically every girl there and made out with a few, but never ended up taking action sexually. It was basically no work on my part. I could have easily fucked every single one of those girls at that time and didn't have to recite lines, didn't have to act confident, didn't have to do anything other than to be me, only because this other chick found me attractive.
Value is powerful.
The past day and this morning I've been having a lot of mental flashbacks and thinking about my past when I was in high school. I felt like I was "sleepwalking" in those years and they just kind of passed me by. There were so many girls that I could have had, but I never did anything to make it happen. I was just lacking confidence in myself. It also didn't help that I was nearly 300 pounds, due to other things that were going on in my life.
The way I was raised, I was the youngest and my older brother would always say demeaning things to me so I grew up thinking I was a messed up kid because I didn't listen to the same music as every one else. I was a messed up kid because until I was in high school i had very few friends. My brother used to spread untruthful rumors about me around our elementary school so no one would want to be around me. I was extremely depressed internally.
This one girl at my job back then (when I was about 16-19) started to get extremely physical with me and basically wanted to fuck, but her bf of 5 years worked there too and I was pretty close to him as well. I'm not sure if she was using me to get back at him or what. I didn't want to get involved in that whole thing.
The fact that this girl wanted me so bad and got extremely physical in front of everyone, not to mention the fact that she was one of the hottest girls that worked there caused all the other females in the workplace to want me, and literally I ended up getting physical with basically every girl there and made out with a few, but never ended up taking action sexually. It was basically no work on my part. I could have easily fucked every single one of those girls at that time and didn't have to recite lines, didn't have to act confident, didn't have to do anything other than to be me, only because this other chick found me attractive.
Value is powerful.
