A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)

[Benjamin]

I can't remember my dreams last night, but I did wake up with fear and panic in my body. I don't think it was being startled awake this time, it was different.

I had the presence of mind to just be like "It's okay, just be with it, allow it to be there" and it was there a while but eventually went.

Also when I went to bed my mind went through another cycle of forgiveness for a few people.

Feel like crap today, drained and a sore head.

[Duke.Togo]

I have also been wanting to join a boxing club and taking up karate again. With the boxing I was looking to get licensed to be able to do it for sport. When you had the class in your shed did you use or have a wing chun training dummy? And what's the name of the art you were wanting to take?

Interestingly the urge isn't really here today which makes me wonder again if when I used to train it come from a genuine love or a fear. Alot of it did come from fear.

Nah just used a bag, focus mitts, and people haha. I want to train in something combatives or RBSD related as it covers all the important things that nothing else does like fear management, awareness, scenario training etc.

Something like this, which is hard to find.



But I had the thought something like muay thai because it would be fun and it wouldn't constantly train my mindset to be too aggressive and get me back to that which I didn't like. My urges yesterday were more for fun and expression than anything serious.

It doesn't matter if you "agree," Ben. It's empirical data/evidence vs. your subjective opinion.

I take my own experience over so called 'scientific data' afterall the conventional wisdom on eating is horrible and doesn't work like the foodpyramid crap.

One example is they released a 'study' recently saying coconut oil is bad for you, which is *****. Yet funnily enough the organization that released that got a big 'donation' by a soy company.. and funnily enough 'coincidentally' say how good soy is.

When soy is horrible, shame it's in my protein powder and some other things.. atleast not alot of it.

The techniques in the youtube video you posted reminded me a lot of Krav Maga. Have you ever looked into that fight style Ben?

[Benjamin]

A little bit, if it's a good quality school that would be good too. But from what i've read alot of it has been watered down. Initially it started off as good though and the premise I like.

I used to train with this guy and I loved it, and though I threw some of it out as some is too flashy, alot of it I used effectively.

It's hard to find his videos now as he pretty much just disappeared several years ago.



All the rage now is mma, bjj and muay thai but as i've said it's missing alot of stuff not related to the physical, but also on the physical level is missing certain key concepts that are important for self defense. Though it's more effective than most stuff like karate or tkd.

[Have at ye]

On the positive side of things, I now actually want to quit - never really bothered thinking about doing that before DMSI, to be honest.

Interesting, guess it shows that alot of it is emotional driven. The peer pressure thing is what alot of people who smoke have told me.

You're alright with the coffee, Ben.

I can't say I agree with those studies. I feel way better having just 1 less coffee than before. And the people I see who have like 6 coffees are usually pretty unhealthy, rely on it just to function and such.. which doesn't strike me as healthy at all.

It doesn't matter if you "agree," Ben. It's empirical data/evidence vs. your subjective opinion.

How good or bad a thing could be is besides the point here, I think. The point here is whether its consumption is compulsive or not, or a sublimation of something else entirely (one usually leads to the other, too).

[Benjamin]

Good point, coffee can be a 'drug' just as much as anything else.. especially in the way i've described it in my recent post. For a whole lot of people it's an addiction, something they NEED to stay awake or to cope.

[Benjamin]

Last night decided to do the sway test again on amount of loops.

Now it's 5 loops of Version A.

Friday 28/7/17 - Started doing 5 loops of Version A as per sway test.

[Benjamin]

I may have mentioned this, I looked back through this page and can't find it so I don't know if I did or just thought it.

Been thinking more today about the possibility that this other work i'm doing and DMSI may be in conflict for 1 main reason.

I decided to not go for girls for atleast a month, which it's nearly been and i'm likely extending that longer to work on more abandonment and learning to be self fulfilled without them. I still talk to some if I come across them, but not to take it anywhere.

And working on letting go of the need for girls to make me happy, so when i've had the desire to go out and meet girls, or sign up for dating sites again and message them i've stopped myself and worked on exploring why i'm feeling I need them in that moment to feel good about myself.

But DMSI is pushing me to be with girls, like earlier on (as in the time i've been listening to DMSI) i'd get urges to go out to places, message girls or whatever and it's also working on motivation to do so.

And i'm consciously going against that to work on the abandonment and learn to not need girls to make me happy.

Which brings me to wondering, when the urge comes up I see it as neediness as that's my old pattern and it's nearly always been that. But some of it could also be motivation from DMSI to meet girls.

It's confusing because DMSI I can say definately brought me to the point of working on this through the healing, yet at the moment what I need to be doing for that is possibly going against the goals of the program as I have noticed the aura lessening alot.

So i've had thoughts of possibly dropping DMSI, going back to E2 as it matches the energy of love, loving myself which is partly what i'm working on for the abandonment, self love, reparenting, inner bonding and such or just doing these other things for a while.

I know it sounds strange, but in a way DMSI leading me to work on my abandonment issues and letting go of the need to have girls make me happy.. it's possibly putting itself 'out of business' so to speak.. in that if it succeeds in that then i'll have much less need to use it.

Though at some stage it should balance out and just be the natural desire without the neediness and be able to express myself to girls without 'needing' anything from them, and that is the ideal place i'd like to reach.

The other thing is that in one way using DMSI has created another insecurity about feeling like i'm not good enough without DMSI and that if I don't have it and the aura I can't get girls, or atleast not of the same quality. And i've seen a big difference in the reactions i've got in the last few weeks when the aura hasn't been there, even before when I felt a little off or not fully comfortable i'd still mainly get good reactions.

Seeing that it isn't able to power itself when you get off DMSI then the main benefit is the healing, self validation and such.

So the next conflict is potentially to be able to get to the point where I inherently feel good enough i'd have to get off DMSI and deal with the difference in reactions and be okay with that.

I'm mainly staying on it for the healing right now as it's focusing me on dealing with these issues i've been talking about and making me hyperfocused to deal with them and working on it every day. Other than that at the point i've reached some days and seen a taste of is.. I want to deal with other important areas of my life.

And since DMSI healing is just to the point of "getting you healed enough to get sex" at some point it stops, where possibly there may be more for me to heal on the core wounds i'm working with. And I have noticed the last few weeks as i've done work on this my motivation to do so has waned a bit on the days when i've felt less needy.

So again the letting go of the need, DMSI potentially putting itself 'out of business'.. though now that i've said that.. that in fact may be a very good end goal for some people on this program. If it could get them to a point where they are connected with their inherent worth, good enough as a person, and embodying that and not needing girls to fill a hole inside them, make them happy.. and just coming from their own genuine expression..

Then i'd call it a success.. as it can't really be something used for your whole life just to keep up the aura. With that goal in mind, developing it towards that direction may be better for long term even when people stop using it.

Though Shannon may have had something different in mind for the end goal those are my current thoughts.

I'd be curious to hear anyone else's thoughts. I know a few of you who have identified with what i've been writing lately.

[RTBoss]

This post is making me feel like getting back into it.

Interesting, glad you're getting something from it. I can't say i'd have expected that.. as I know at the moment the majority will find my journal boring, not 'sexy' as i'm not talking about girls and sex. But that's fine, all my other journals were that haha. Seems you may have realized the same things yourself as I have.

If DMSI does help me to finally deal with this where I haven't been fully able to with all the other programs and work i've done that will be awesome.

So note to self - DMSI 3.1 Version A until atleast 4/10/17.

Or if 3.2 comes out of course i'll switch to Version A of that.

On a sidenote i've suddenly had the urge before to get back into John Cooper's material.. the first time I heard of Inner Bonding was from him and he talks about alot of this stuff. I don't think I was ready for it a few years ago when I first found it but I am now.

Pulling this post up as a reminder. It'd be interesting to see how you feel after you get to that date. Just a little over two more months to go...

[ReeZoX]

Your feelings of changing to E2 is resistance, quite certain of it.

Keep going with your inner bonding thing, but I would also say to start again with putting yourself in situations with girls and act like you have already overcome the abandonment issues.

You need to put belief in yourself and DMSI that it will overcome the abandonment issues, and not go only into "healing mode".
In order to know where you actually are in the process, you need to get yourself into a setting (meet girls) where you will receive responses from where you actually are with your problem, that will help you by giving you "more to work with". Else you're gonna be shooting bullets in the dark, you just happen to know in what direction the target is.

The thoughts coming up about "you're not gonna be good enough without DMSI" is also resistance which I think you already figured out, but just wanted to point it out anyway

[Benjamin]

Pulling this post up as a reminder. It'd be interesting to see how you feel after you get to that date. Just a little over two more months to go...

Thanks man, though I said that i'm still putting it on each night.. going through the process. But it helps to recommit to that date atleast.

Your feelings of changing to E2 is resistance, quite certain of it.

Hmm makes sense since DMSI is what has got me working on the core issues.

Keep going with your inner bonding thing, but I would also say to start again with putting yourself in situations with girls and act like you have already overcome the abandonment issues.

I will at some stage, and as I said still talk to some girls but without any 'intent' for the moment. Even doing that has allowed more to come up to work on, and just being around girls or out in public has too.

At some stage I will integrate it back in, with the intent of doing it the Social Heartistry (John Cooper) way.

A brief example of this today, mainly feeling weird in the shopping centre when I seen girls. Then I went to get some incense and 2 girls were looking at it. And I naturally just talked to them and asked them if there's anything good and they got me to smell a few of them and it was just natural.

That is the autonomy John Cooper is talking about.. how you're going about what you're doing and maybe or maybe not if it comes up just talk to a girl from your natural expression because you're inspired to.

NOT standing around, stressing, walking up and down just hoping to come across a girl with all the pua concepts trapping you in a cage, making you more stressed, needy and anxious and shutting you down.

That might not make sense to you if you haven't read or watched his material or you aren't near the same place I am at the moment.. but what he's talking about has become very clear to me where a year ago I just didn't 'get' it.

The thoughts coming up about "you're not gonna be good enough without DMSI" is also resistance which I think you already figured out, but just wanted to point it out anyway.

Hmm, I don't know. Maybe a bit of both, because looking at that statement I wrote there is an element of truth to it.

But then something funny is that DMSI and the healing has possibly lead me to realize that.. hmm.

[Duke.Togo]

I think the fact that the abandonment issues are coming to surface for you so often, means that you are probably beginning the process of overcoming the issues. Letting go of a deep seated emotion of any kind takes time.

And I believe that DMSI Ver. 3.1A will help that process along. The goal of the healing is to work on every persons unique beliefs that are holding them back, and to help eradicate that to the point where you can execute the goal.

Since abandonment is an issue that is holding you back, that will most likely be the issue that once healed, will allow you to execute the sub flawlessly.

I also agree with Reezox in that if you are looking to jump, it's because you're getting close to dealing with that fear and it needs an escape route.

Even I can see from reading your journals, how much you've changed. I would just keep in mind that the road you're traveling isn't a straight one, it's one with a lot of twists and turns. That's what makes the journey so interesting and the reward so meaningful.

My two cents.

[ReeZoX]

At some stage I will integrate it back in, with the intent of doing it the Social Heartistry (John Cooper) way.

A brief example of this today, mainly feeling weird in the shopping centre when I seen girls. Then I went to get some incense and 2 girls were looking at it. And I naturally just talked to them and asked them if there's anything good and they got me to smell a few of them and it was just natural.

That is the autonomy John Cooper is talking about.. how you're going about what you're doing and maybe or maybe not if it comes up just talk to a girl from your natural expression because you're inspired to.

NOT standing around, stressing, walking up and down just hoping to come across a girl with all the pua concepts trapping you in a cage, making you more stressed, needy and anxious and shutting you down.

That might not make sense to you if you haven't read or watched his material or you aren't near the same place I am at the moment.. but what he's talking about has become very clear to me where a year ago I just didn't 'get' it.


Hmm, I don't know. Maybe a bit of both, because looking at that statement I wrote there is an element of truth to it.

But then something funny is that DMSI and the healing has possibly lead me to realize that.. hmm.

Yeah, I'm familiar with some of John's stuff, read through his book but not much more. I think his stuff is definitely crucial if you have gone through any "hardcore PUA stuff" and gotten into their kind of thing.

Yeah, when I said "get into settings where you meet girls" I was definitely not recommending you go into it from the hunter perspective. If you have read "End Game" by Attraction Institute, I would say that you go from the creating perspective. If you haven't read that book, I recommend it. But if I were to explain it, in other words. I would say provider perspective. Not the "beta male provider". But the one where you provide to your environment good feelings, provide it with adventure, where you as a male provide a woman the kind of feelings only a man can give her.
I just don't think you should withhold yourself from interacting with women if it's what you genuinely want. Regardless if you're in "healing mode" or not. - That's what I was trying to say

I definitely think there's some truth to it, I've had the feelings myself. But the program is to make ME sexually irresistible and get girls to approach ME. The means to that end is the aura (among else). But the whole program still focuses on ME. That's the only consistent thing in these subliminals; ME, Myself and I. Regardless if there's an aura involved or not it has to do with me, and that's what attracts the other people. MY aura coming from MY body and MY mind.

If I were to stop running DMSI right now (and wait 30 days) I'm convinced I wouldn't get the same results from women I get today. But what I am also certain on is that I with much greater ease will be able to attract the kind of women I want than before DMSI. The instructions from DMSI about the aura gives you an upper-hand as long you're using it. But it's still ME that's attracting these women, regardless if I have an aura of sexiness surrounding me or not.

[Benjamin]

Thanks Duke, it's something that has always been 'there' but it makes sense how much more aware i'm becoming of it and seems part of the process being hyperaware of it. I am noticing it's relaxing a little, well some days.. then it comes back a bit stronger. Interestingly what is seeming to happen is I feel it relax a bit then get the intution to test for amount of loops again and it goes up, then I increase and more comes up.

I can see how my mind is wanting to find ways to escape. That is one reason that for a while i'm not trying to 'jump' to or on any girls As at this point it's another escape.

Cool, seems like we're saying similar things Reezox. I read endgame a while ago. That is similar to what John says, mainly you're going to do things you enjoy, places you want to go, and inviting girls into your world if you come across them, creating connections and such.

[Benjamin]

Its interesting when I clear something internally then get the urge to 'clean up'.

I was exploring why I miss the girl I was seeing a few weeks ago so much and cleared something around it.. then I had the urge to delete her number and messages.. but then also numbers and messages of other girls from a while ago. A couple I hesitated.

The I explored why im missing the girl before that too and after that deleted all her messages and the others I hesitated with. And pictures she and other girls sent me.

That was a little painful.

Then I had the urge to clean some more of my room again and didnt as im already in bed.

But then I spontaneously had the thought its time to clear out some of my facebook friends again and deleted a few of them.. one thing I dont like is how people add you but if you see them in person barely talk to you.. but for some reason I still feel like keeping them on there.

So a few good signs of more clearing.. I know when I spontaneously do these things its good.

Actually I also have noticed in the last week or so as ive dealt with some things ive spontaneously deleted some old pua material off my harddrive too.

EDIT: Ok so after I posted this I was laying in bed and my urge to clean my room kept getting stronger. So I got up and cleaned it for like a half an hour and got rid of more crap that was just there some of it actual rubbish that was in boxes along with other stuff.