A Better Alex, stage 4: AM6 round 2 Journal

[apollolux]

Well.

Making a post here to mark yesterday 2020-09-02, day 19 of stage 1 of this second run of AM6, as the first day in a very long time that I can remember where I've consciously felt actual, real, genuine fear that was more than just an unidentifiable dread or apprehension of not definitively knowing outcomes of situations and experiences.

I know what it is I fear and why I fear it. I leave the verb "fear" in present tense at the moment because it is not yet resolved. The current strength of the fear is not because of how known or unknown it may or may not be, the fear exists and is at the strength it is because at this moment I genuinely feel there is nothing left about the situation around it that might be within my power to control intentionally and I don't know how to properly emotionally handle the lead-up to its eventual outcome.

I need some sort of healthy outlet.