8 weeks into OF (feedback)

[Natious]

Thanks for the update on of.

I found when I first started these subs ,it will bring up anything not congruent with the incoming program again and again.until it is dealt with.it was quite an issue with me as I kept having stuff come up.i am glad I pushed through the resistance,as I came out the other end a better person.

I am currently running wm2 which has of in it.as a 5g.

That seems to be the case indeed, however the resistance is different if I compare it to what I got while running ASC. That was just filled with anger at some point, but nothing I would say that is related to confidence, that just kept growing. Maybe the fact I have suppressed anger a lot and then had confidence to let it surface. The resistance from OF was way stronger, not only did I have a ton of emotions that I didn't understand come up, but also the paranoid feeling.
For example I had this strong fear at one point that someone is in my house (in the middle of the night) which got my adrenaline so high that I got out of bed, then walked through the house to make sure nobody was there, that happened 4 times in a row and had me completely awake for 3 hours or so.
Also I didn't know WM had OF in it, pretty cool.

Thank you, that's a very good and valuable update! I have 1 month to go before I decide whether to run OF or not. In a way that hard resistance & transparency into what's happening is what draws me to it, knowing that it'll be temporary. Another reason is that its very focused, while at the same time very universal (affects almost everything).

2 things I hope you could clarify:

1) You said: "Things that don't even look like they are related to fear on the surface level. ... I had no idea fear was affecting THAT much of my behaviour." - Could you give some examples? Logically I guess everything comes down to a fear of something, but I find it difficult to evaluate how much its affecting me currently, i.e. what do I have to gain vs. other programs.

2) When you've had those fears/resistances brought up to the surface, how have you dealt with them? I'm assuming relaxation, maybe meditation and such, or have you done something more creative?

And finally, 2 tips come to mind that you probably already know: 1) geodude recommended recording monthly videos diaries of yourself (for yourself), and 2) Sarge posted THIS LINK is his journal, and the smile meditation has been helping me feel more content overall. I'd assume it could work for that resistance too, in some form. Massage too maybe.

One of the things I have noticed change is my sexual preference which was more toward fucked up and weird shit I've seen in the past, but now is more towards the natural and more passionate. I have no idea how that is related to fear.
Then there's the ability to reflect accurately over an event or situation where I didn't act in a fair matter toward myself and when a similar situation happens again, react differently without making myself feel bad. This might be a little bit related to fear.
These have been on a big scale, but there's other minor changes too.

When the fears surface, I do things related to relaxation like meditation, sitting in the garden for 10 min and the like or anything else that I could find to get myself distracted from spiralling too much into the fear. I also write when things get too bad, I have a small notebook for that. It seems to give a little distance from the emotions, good thing is that I haven't needed it recently.
I believe the main thing to do is distract yourself enough that your emotions calm down and then deal with them if you want to or let OF do it's magic until you reach a new peak. Drawing, sports, TV, anything works really. And of course, relaxation techniques.