05-05-2018, 08:04 AM
Today is a down day for me; no work. I'm meeting some friends at 3.
I am off E2 since Shannon says give it a week off before starting another. I've been exploring the forum, and I'm frustrated. I'm reading about Anxiety Relief Aid, which I own, and I miss it. I'm on Stefloan's journal....and being anxiety free seems like my whole life's goal. I would never have stated that before. I thought my feelings were "normal". "Everyone has this, don't they?"
Well, I do, most definitely.
I'd of never seen this before picking up ARA since anxiety is very constant, not in and out. It stays around, influences nearly EVERY decision I make, and I do mean every.
And so, I've lived with it non-stop, making room for it on a day by day basis. For example, my coworker asked me what I had planned this weekend. I've known two constants of my friends on Saturday and my mom on Sunday.
He asked "ever go to the beach Saturday mornings?" No. (Not in the last 15 years or so; my wife-to-be and I went to watch a sunrise once)
Why? Why don't I do enjoyable things?
My anxiety says "he'll/she'll reject you/judge you" when I'm out. I imagine that they tell me what I can or can not do. I really follow this. And I've lived with it for decades.
Holy S***! I just listened to my thoughts. When I fail to listen to myself in public around others, I really, really judge and beat up MYSELF in the worst possible way. I'll give someone else attention before I'll listen to what I need. Berating myself is inevitable. I feel like s*** then isolate to protect myself from allowing myself harm once again.
Gonna go back and soak up some of Stefloan's journal. Maybe he had some breakthroughs.
----I know DMSI has ARA in it. That's why I posted this here.
I am off E2 since Shannon says give it a week off before starting another. I've been exploring the forum, and I'm frustrated. I'm reading about Anxiety Relief Aid, which I own, and I miss it. I'm on Stefloan's journal....and being anxiety free seems like my whole life's goal. I would never have stated that before. I thought my feelings were "normal". "Everyone has this, don't they?"
Well, I do, most definitely.
I'd of never seen this before picking up ARA since anxiety is very constant, not in and out. It stays around, influences nearly EVERY decision I make, and I do mean every.
And so, I've lived with it non-stop, making room for it on a day by day basis. For example, my coworker asked me what I had planned this weekend. I've known two constants of my friends on Saturday and my mom on Sunday.
He asked "ever go to the beach Saturday mornings?" No. (Not in the last 15 years or so; my wife-to-be and I went to watch a sunrise once)
Why? Why don't I do enjoyable things?
My anxiety says "he'll/she'll reject you/judge you" when I'm out. I imagine that they tell me what I can or can not do. I really follow this. And I've lived with it for decades.
Holy S***! I just listened to my thoughts. When I fail to listen to myself in public around others, I really, really judge and beat up MYSELF in the worst possible way. I'll give someone else attention before I'll listen to what I need. Berating myself is inevitable. I feel like s*** then isolate to protect myself from allowing myself harm once again.
Gonna go back and soak up some of Stefloan's journal. Maybe he had some breakthroughs.
----I know DMSI has ARA in it. That's why I posted this here.
I want to be FREE!
