09-27-2018, 05:23 AM
So I definitely know when the aura is active because I get really hot and I feel all this sexual energy. Last night it randomly started up on me. For a few minutes I was able to sort of step out of the way, it felt like I wasn't resisting. But then I lost it. I can feel the fear as a knot in my stomach, letting go of the need to control consciously but on a subconscious level I don't want to give in completely. It feels like I get to a point where it requires focus and concentration to sort of maintain the aura without slipping up and going back to blocking the effects.
And I noticed when I'm executing it's not just focus on women. Thoughts about how I'm living my life and stepping outside of this comfort zone flood me as well. As if to say "stop pretending everything is fine just so you don't have to face these fears, I know deep down you aren't happy"
But yeah it seems like a very stop and go thing. 5 minutes of executing on full and then a snap back to closing myself off and having trouble letting go again.
And I noticed when I'm executing it's not just focus on women. Thoughts about how I'm living my life and stepping outside of this comfort zone flood me as well. As if to say "stop pretending everything is fine just so you don't have to face these fears, I know deep down you aren't happy"
But yeah it seems like a very stop and go thing. 5 minutes of executing on full and then a snap back to closing myself off and having trouble letting go again.
INFP