09-13-2018, 06:44 PM
So I've been banging my head against a wall with this track I've been working on. Today things came together. I realized the chord progression was all off and the bassline was way too busy. I think fear definitely contributes to poor decisions when it comes to songwriting. A lot of it is "but if I scrap this idea, what if I can't come up with something better?" But by holding onto something out of fear it limits my potential to explore other avenues. Also something about finally getting the right feeling behind a track just makes me feel so much better. It's like these past few weeks I've been trying to work out a puzzle in my head and when I solve it it's this feeling of relief. Ideally I'd like to get to the point where I can execute my creative visions without that gap of time trying to figure out how to do it.
Besides that I'm realizing just how bad online dating is. Like I knew people said it sucks, but I thought it was an exaggeration. But really it is terrible. And I feel like I've been using it as an excuse instead of actually getting out and meeting women. Thinking I'm too busy or that one of these days I'll actually meet up with a girl on one of the apps. I mean I have no real excuse. Just that I'm still working through my fears and I still have a lot of trouble with close relationships.
I guess one of my issues is I feel like I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. When it comes to dating or relationships I feel like I need to attach a disclaimer about myself so I don't scare someone away. I mean living almost 10 years battling things like depression and anxiety, it impacts you. It stunts your growth as a person a bit when it hits you when you're younger. I know in the past I took on this identity of this messed up person. But now I'm outgrowing it, but at the same time I'm not there. I'm sort of caught in between right now and it's awkward because I want to live my life one way, but I feel I still haven't recovered from the years of dealing with this stuff.
For a lot of my life I've been able to fake it and put on an act of someone who's got their shit together. But I don't want to have to act anymore.
Besides that I'm realizing just how bad online dating is. Like I knew people said it sucks, but I thought it was an exaggeration. But really it is terrible. And I feel like I've been using it as an excuse instead of actually getting out and meeting women. Thinking I'm too busy or that one of these days I'll actually meet up with a girl on one of the apps. I mean I have no real excuse. Just that I'm still working through my fears and I still have a lot of trouble with close relationships.
I guess one of my issues is I feel like I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. When it comes to dating or relationships I feel like I need to attach a disclaimer about myself so I don't scare someone away. I mean living almost 10 years battling things like depression and anxiety, it impacts you. It stunts your growth as a person a bit when it hits you when you're younger. I know in the past I took on this identity of this messed up person. But now I'm outgrowing it, but at the same time I'm not there. I'm sort of caught in between right now and it's awkward because I want to live my life one way, but I feel I still haven't recovered from the years of dealing with this stuff.
For a lot of my life I've been able to fake it and put on an act of someone who's got their shit together. But I don't want to have to act anymore.
INFP