09-01-2018, 06:49 AM
Just remembered an odd dream I had. I went back to the elementary school I went to as a kid, but for a degree. The chairs were too tiny and the desks were cramped. I was in a class with other people my age. Before the class gets started the teacher reminds us we need to wear a shirt and tie, shave our beards if we have any, be presentable at all times. Of course I was having none of that shit. I was like, lady I'm too old for these stupid ass authority rules. Challenged her on the nonsense. Then she used it as an example that I was the only one in the class willing to fight for what I believed in and to challenge the status quo. Everyone else either waited as a bystander or was content to go along with authority. Like I said, weird.
Anyway, I've been feeling less weighed down by needing to get things perfect. Getting more of a exploration type of mentality where I kind of just see where things go without needing a guarantee. Woke up and decided to message three girls on okcupid because they caught my eye. But while I did it I made sure I wasn't taking it seriously, overthinking it, or trying to get them to like me. It was more like, who knows how this'll turn out so I might as well go for it anyway. Lately it's just the little things like this that make me feel good. Being able to explore the world without have some agenda or a driving "need" behind it that comes from a place of insecurity.
Along with that I've been overthinking this whole attraction thing. I've realized I like a certain type of woman and I'd do better just trusting my gut feeling on stuff like attraction. I mean that's what sexual attraction is, it's a very primal instinctual response. You don't really get to choose what you're attracted to so there's no point in feeling bad when it's not there. Along with that I'd be willing to bet lack of experience makes my depth of knowledge on all of it very shallow. There's probably stuff more experienced people pick up on that's completely invisible to me, but you only really get that with immersing yourself in all of it. Otherwise most of it is just speculation based on a handful for beliefs.
Anyway, I've been feeling less weighed down by needing to get things perfect. Getting more of a exploration type of mentality where I kind of just see where things go without needing a guarantee. Woke up and decided to message three girls on okcupid because they caught my eye. But while I did it I made sure I wasn't taking it seriously, overthinking it, or trying to get them to like me. It was more like, who knows how this'll turn out so I might as well go for it anyway. Lately it's just the little things like this that make me feel good. Being able to explore the world without have some agenda or a driving "need" behind it that comes from a place of insecurity.
Along with that I've been overthinking this whole attraction thing. I've realized I like a certain type of woman and I'd do better just trusting my gut feeling on stuff like attraction. I mean that's what sexual attraction is, it's a very primal instinctual response. You don't really get to choose what you're attracted to so there's no point in feeling bad when it's not there. Along with that I'd be willing to bet lack of experience makes my depth of knowledge on all of it very shallow. There's probably stuff more experienced people pick up on that's completely invisible to me, but you only really get that with immersing yourself in all of it. Otherwise most of it is just speculation based on a handful for beliefs.
INFP