06-21-2018, 08:07 PM
Goddamn, drunken ramble. I'm so tired of having trouble connecting with people. I let my insecurities get the best of me and disqualify people so I feel better about myself. My own insecurities make me appear aloof and like a jerk. I honestly hate how judgemental I am, all for the sake of preserving my self.
I get it, but it's so hard to break free from it. It's not just a matter of pushing and forcing. If anything I have to stop doing so much all the time. Just chill and be myself.
I don't know. Like I said, drunk. I just want to be myself. I want to stop overanalyzing conversations and trying to pick the perfect way to avoid being rejected. I've been getting irritated with people asking me why I'm so quiet, but it's true. There's a difference between being quiet out choice vs fear. And I can say with 100% certainty it's fear for me still. And I need to stop defending it.
I get it, but it's so hard to break free from it. It's not just a matter of pushing and forcing. If anything I have to stop doing so much all the time. Just chill and be myself.
I don't know. Like I said, drunk. I just want to be myself. I want to stop overanalyzing conversations and trying to pick the perfect way to avoid being rejected. I've been getting irritated with people asking me why I'm so quiet, but it's true. There's a difference between being quiet out choice vs fear. And I can say with 100% certainty it's fear for me still. And I need to stop defending it.
INFP