01-27-2018, 07:20 PM
Taking a look at my life I've started to realize I've been depressed for a while now and I've been covering it up and waiting for it to go away. But I've realized it won't go away. It's also not a problem that needs to be fixed. I'm depressed because I constantly do what I've been told to do in life. And I do this because so much goddamn fear was instilled in me as a kid. I recently talked to my mom and she said I'd come home incredibly distraught by school. Then she told me that the bad feeling I was feeling is how I would feel if I got a bad job or something. I realize now that in childhood my parents, though well meaning, only ever filled my head with "don't do this, or don't do that". There was always a tense air in my childhood, as if my parents were just scraping by and keeping it hidden from me. That also didn't help my anxiety
Overall I just see that I'm miserable in my job and living this way is stupid. Why spend hours of my life miserable? Just because I'm too afraid of what will happen if I leave or if I abandon this career field altogether I'll end up homeless and in poverty? All anyone's advice ever boils down to is security and I'm sick of it. Get a good job, save for retirement, get health insurance, blah blah blah. Well I did that and am doing it and frankly it makes me want to give up on living completely because this isn't living in the slightest. The worst is when people want to lecture you about the "real world". No fuck off, that's just your narrow perception of the world, stop cramming your crappy beliefs down my throat.
People are ruled by fear and some of them won't even admit it. They'd rather stay within their narrow view and lecture everyone else on how naiive or unrealistic they are being. I'm sick of it.
Overall I just see that I'm miserable in my job and living this way is stupid. Why spend hours of my life miserable? Just because I'm too afraid of what will happen if I leave or if I abandon this career field altogether I'll end up homeless and in poverty? All anyone's advice ever boils down to is security and I'm sick of it. Get a good job, save for retirement, get health insurance, blah blah blah. Well I did that and am doing it and frankly it makes me want to give up on living completely because this isn't living in the slightest. The worst is when people want to lecture you about the "real world". No fuck off, that's just your narrow perception of the world, stop cramming your crappy beliefs down my throat.
People are ruled by fear and some of them won't even admit it. They'd rather stay within their narrow view and lecture everyone else on how naiive or unrealistic they are being. I'm sick of it.
INFP