Jay that post really gave me some insight. Its funny because I stepped away from my computer and really dug deep and started thinking about this stuff. I came back to my computer and found out you had already posted the thoughts I had in my head lol.
I've come to the conclusion that I do love being alone when I really get into a hobby or if I just want to chill. I have an all or nothing perfectionist mind, I do tend to see stuff in black in white. That is what ended up closing me off to other people, I thought I was better off without them and I didn't really put any effort into my interactions as much as I should have. Partially because I was afraid and tried to make it impossible for others to reject me. But I grew up being an unpopular kid, probably from this same mentality and the social anxiety that always plagued me. So it is a hard habit to shake.
I've been trying to think with my heart lately instead of my head. I'm going to be more open to people and stop thinking so much and just go with what I feel. I think I tried to intellectualize my conversations instead of just allowing myself to enjoy them. Thus disconnecting me from human emotions. I think practicing the sedona method caused some detachment that wasn't healthy for me.
I read up a lot about the heart chakra and I'm pretty sure mine is closed off. So I'm going to focus on living with an open heart. It scares me because I feel so vulnerable. But I'd rather be vulnerable and happy, than closed off and miserable. Right now I think I'm leaning more towards a spiritual side of peace and love. Which I believe is a lot harder than just hiding behind an ego, but incredibly more rewarding.
Ah but I just realized this is black and white thinking too. I think peace and love is great and all, but sometimes people do need to be put in their place. Gah, this is how my mind thinks. I'm worried if I'm too open I'll just become a pushover. But I think thats just me worrying, I've handled myself in the past fine so I'm pretty sure I'm alright.
I've come to the conclusion that I do love being alone when I really get into a hobby or if I just want to chill. I have an all or nothing perfectionist mind, I do tend to see stuff in black in white. That is what ended up closing me off to other people, I thought I was better off without them and I didn't really put any effort into my interactions as much as I should have. Partially because I was afraid and tried to make it impossible for others to reject me. But I grew up being an unpopular kid, probably from this same mentality and the social anxiety that always plagued me. So it is a hard habit to shake.
I've been trying to think with my heart lately instead of my head. I'm going to be more open to people and stop thinking so much and just go with what I feel. I think I tried to intellectualize my conversations instead of just allowing myself to enjoy them. Thus disconnecting me from human emotions. I think practicing the sedona method caused some detachment that wasn't healthy for me.
I read up a lot about the heart chakra and I'm pretty sure mine is closed off. So I'm going to focus on living with an open heart. It scares me because I feel so vulnerable. But I'd rather be vulnerable and happy, than closed off and miserable. Right now I think I'm leaning more towards a spiritual side of peace and love. Which I believe is a lot harder than just hiding behind an ego, but incredibly more rewarding.
Ah but I just realized this is black and white thinking too. I think peace and love is great and all, but sometimes people do need to be put in their place. Gah, this is how my mind thinks. I'm worried if I'm too open I'll just become a pushover. But I think thats just me worrying, I've handled myself in the past fine so I'm pretty sure I'm alright.