AoL:The Journey to the Self Love I deserve

[MrGnome]

Alright, let's make sure you understand a few things better than I think you do here.

First... your goal is to use AM to become a self sufficient adult man.  Not an "alpha male".  Why?  Because you have to be an adult male before you can work on becoming an alpha, and for your purposes, alpha male isn't necessary right now.  There's a lot of BS out there about "alpha male", and that's just going to confuse you.  Your goal is to become a self sufficient, self reliant, self responsible adult man.  If, after you achieve that, you want to become an alpha, then you can worry about that.  For now, "alpha male" is a secondary goal.  Right now, we're looking for an adult man who can take care of himself and his business.

I suggest you do not try to write that in Dutch, because it can change meaning in translation, and create conflict between what your conscious and subconscious minds understand it to mean.  Just leave it in English, and use the wording I have provided.

it will be challenging to stop getting unneeded food but like I said I'm going to stop wasting money on it, Not when I can finally Become an Alpha!

Here I need to point out a couple things.  First, you're effectively using as an affirmation that it will be challenging to top getting unnecessary food.  This is what your current subconscious and probably conscious programming is, and you're re-affirming it here, making it stronger.  It can be as easy as you want it to be.  You're just used to using food as your comfort/coping mechanism and have accepted that it will be challenging because so far, it has been.  But it has been because you don't have a different coping/comfort method yet and the emotional part of you only knows this one, and is going to hold on to it because it represents security.  What you need to do here is start opening yourself up to the fact that you can change, and you can change anything, and your coping/comforting methods are among those things that can change.  Effectively, you need to associate comfort and security with something besides food.  It's just a habit you'll be changing.  I'll get into that more later, but for now, just remember that it doesn't have to be difficult unless you make it difficult.

Second, again, the goal is not alpha male, the goal is adult man.  That is the necessary first step if you want to become an alpha.  After achieving adult man, you may decide how much further you want to go.

It might take a 2 or 3 years but I know it will be worth it  . (just need to find a way to train my self controll and willpower since I seriously lack in those right now...) 

It will take time to make these changes, and it's good that you understand that.  As for self control and willpower, what you're dealing with is an emotional subconscious self who wants different things than your conscious self does.  When the conscious and subconscious are in alignment, there is no need for willpower and self control.  We'll be working on getting that alignment using subliminals and such, but you're going to need to stay the course.

hmm I do wonder with what though.. food is out of question and I buy my own games... then again if I get to focus myself more on my hobbies instead of pointless distraction than it would make things alot easier already.

You might want to adjust what you consider a reward for success.  It should be something that you enjoy, and good options will include things that make you feel like you've gotten a pat on the back and had a good time.  Key words... had a good time.  This suggests that you may want to consider finding an activity that is rewarding for you.  For example, I like to go out metal detecting sometimes as a reward for getting enough done to have free time to do so.  Each year I reward myself for the hard work of the previous year with a vacation.  It lets me rest more fully than I can otherwise, and it allows me time to do fun things, like gem mining, gold panning and exploring the woods.  I also sometimes just go take a walk out in the woods near-ish my home and enjoy the sounds of nature and the time to relax, recharge and rejuvenate myself.  

You could also reward yourself with buying something you enjoy.  I don't know what your hobbies are, but it's worth considering things like starting a collection and rewarding yourself with additions to your collection, or maybe getting into some form of art creation and getting yourself supplies, or something along those lines regarding a hobby.  Lots of options to keep you busy and entertained.  You will find that when you're doing what you really love, food becomes a distraction and you'll be unlikely to want to eat outside of what is necessary.  I sometimes actually forget to eat and drink because of that, until my body says... "Hey!  I don't have enough energy for this!  Eat something, fool!"  I keep nuts on my desk so I can just pop a handful into my mouth and keep doing what I'm doing.

Point is, a suitable reward will be something that you really look forward to.

(also I'm sure the reason why I always say things with lack of confidence is because I'm aware of my lack of self controll and lack of will power, So I guess the fear to mess up is always around the corner...)

I think you say things with a lack of confidence is because you simply lack confidence.  Confidence results from certainty, which results from experiencing that something is certain.  If your experience has not been of certainty, then you will lack confidence.  To gain confidence, you have to find something where you can find certainty, and build from there.

For example, if you think about it, you're pretty confident you're going to wake up tomorrow.  You're pretty confident that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. You're pretty confident that a standard passenger car is going to have 4 wheels.  Why?  Because the experience you have says this is a consistent and predictable reality.

So where you lack confidence, you will need to either gain experience (doing that thing enough times), or gain enough experience having it give a consistent outcome.

1:Sorry I assumed AM would turn the user into an alpha male by default my bad... 

2:I already wrote it in both english and dutch,Should I write it again or should I just cut the dutch part off with a sissor?

3:I always try to stay on the current programme unless there's a big problem I need to fix first but these goals are going to kill off the big problem, So Yes I will keep fighting and stay on them no matter what may come  .

4:A collection huh? I'm almost done with my smash bros amiibo collection just need 1 more that comes out in 2024 but I got more collections that I can use as reward. 

5:My hobbies are gaming,creating youtube video's/video editing, (but the need for validation and the lack of viewers might temper my motivation a little bit..),Singing and dancing (Singing is pretty much the same as with the youtube video making.. and Dancing is the lack of Parties to visit although I do feel uncomfy walking into a random party all by myself though and the fact I'm still overweight..)

But soon i'm going to an event to meet other people with autism at the end of november with my lifestyle coach and she's trying to get me into theatre for my hobbies.. So things might get easier into the future  .

The important part is, Is that I stay patient and keep using the experiences so I can reach my goals into becomming an capable adult man and start losing the negativity I was raised with.