02-26-2017, 03:13 PM
I don't know how else to put this, but for the past couple of days I'm been in the same state I was in back in high school when I wanted to make friends but didn't know how. Only difference has been that I'm aware of the state. I know it's not my default state. I don't know how to break it though. Usually someone being social with me very quickly and easily breaks that state but that hasn't been the case for the past couple of days. I never thought I'd feel this again since I figured out how to socialize and make friends, but somehow DMSI has put me in this state.
So today was our last day hosting the event. At the end when I was saying bye, I just threw it out there and asked if they wanted to exchange numbers to stay in contact. They were both glad to do so, one of them was like "Maxx, come on, you know us! What'd you think" lol. I don't know how to explain it but I know my true self and I know I didn't express myself in a true way at times while around them. This state has stifled me, caused me to avoid them at times, and barely speak at times, and most of the time try to hold a conversation because I wanted to but my emotions and my mind just weren't working with me.
I know the day will come when this state has fully left me and I don't need to experience it anymore. I thought it died a few years ago, but DMSI brought it back. It needs to die.
Thoughts
To put my experience another way. It's as if you were able to do 100 pushups at a time, without any breaks, but one day you wake up, you don't feel injured but you feel weak, your triceps and chest are failing you and by 20 reps you're done, knowing that 100 reps is never a problem for you. That's what it feels like.
Shannon said he's going to be proud of 3.1 when it releases. Let's see what it can do.
So today was our last day hosting the event. At the end when I was saying bye, I just threw it out there and asked if they wanted to exchange numbers to stay in contact. They were both glad to do so, one of them was like "Maxx, come on, you know us! What'd you think" lol. I don't know how to explain it but I know my true self and I know I didn't express myself in a true way at times while around them. This state has stifled me, caused me to avoid them at times, and barely speak at times, and most of the time try to hold a conversation because I wanted to but my emotions and my mind just weren't working with me.
I know the day will come when this state has fully left me and I don't need to experience it anymore. I thought it died a few years ago, but DMSI brought it back. It needs to die.
Thoughts
To put my experience another way. It's as if you were able to do 100 pushups at a time, without any breaks, but one day you wake up, you don't feel injured but you feel weak, your triceps and chest are failing you and by 20 reps you're done, knowing that 100 reps is never a problem for you. That's what it feels like.
Shannon said he's going to be proud of 3.1 when it releases. Let's see what it can do.
